In everyday life I encounter from time to time situation when people really wanna share there insights, their live-experience, their wisdom when I'm not really (?) open to it. My father e.g. knows for every situation an advice, even when my wife was pregnant - what she should do with her skin and .... Another was just recently a trainer who gave me some *real* advice and he couldn't handle my reluctance with his ideas. Justification was requested plus some stupid question: 'Why don't you try it? It doesn't harm you. It's for your benefit.' Most of the time I ignore these advises or reject them - which results in more conflict and troubles. Question: How do you deal with unwanted advices? NOTE: Advises (this time only!) welcome :bulb:
I usually go for confrontation as it is fun. Especially with the example you gave with the trainer, if he was hot Id first question his IQ, then put into question his manhood, then hopefully he'd get all sweaty and flexy and angry
humans do this. it is one basis of my desire to avoid the company of those mundanely inclined. i see no other solution then this, to avoid such person's company, to whatever greatest degree it is possible to do so.
Certainly on this site I'm an over-advisor, I'll admit. I don't know if my advice is always good, but if someone has a problem, I want things to work out. It's a reflection of wishing someone well, hoping for a happy ending. I think that mostly my advice gets ignored, or worse, it's an annoyance. I have heard back from a few people though that they followed my advice and that it was hugely valuable to them. I think it's ok to either ignore someone's advice, or to tell them politely that you don't want advice. I think in most cases if you are direct about letting someone know that you don't want advice, they'll respect that.
i like when you ask people "how are you doing" and they reply "who cares, nobody is listening". lol. When I wokred night shift I'd always see a ol' fella and I'd say that, hey how are you? And every time he'd answer like that, or a bit different. "Don't want to bore you with it".
i always thought advice was like moose 1 moose 2 moose a billion moose 1 advice more advice a billion advice my advices is to never tease the mooses
Interesting to read the responses Matter of fact I was (and I am still) interested in how you handle if someone gives you an advice .... Also I'm curious about advises you cannot run away, like collegue, boss, (?) spouse (?).... Hmmmmm..... I say that from time to time but I always have the idea that this pisses people finally off. I guess that ppl wanna get some gratitude for their advises while I just blankly (or blunt) say 'Thx for the advice'
Most of your advises get ignored Obviously not all of them Any idea why people followed your advice? Cause you formulated it properly? Or hit the proper argument? Or some openness and almost no resistance cz they didn't know how to continue anyway?
I think mostly this part. Often times people just want to complain about shit, and maybe feel like other people understand. While I like to be sympathetic, it's frustrating to me to hear people complain about things that I think can be fixed, so I'll often offer advice. That advice is most often ignored. While it might be what people need, if it's not what they want, they'll probably ignore it. The cases where I've had positive feedback have been primarily where someone has an urgent problem as is explicitly looking for advice. Also if the solution is pretty easy to implement.
The worst for me is when they give advice in the form of some old cliche'. Like "Well, Rome wasn't built in a day" or "Never quit a job unless you have another one lined up". The dumbest thing these oracles of free advice do is quote advice that they themselves never follow. Or it's just off the wall stupid, like the time one of my cousins gave me advice while I was changing a flat tire by saying "Now you see why I only buy new cars". Sometimes I have people ask me for advice that I have no qualification to give. Don't ask me medical questions, my advice will always be "take some drugs and get over it". On politics my advice is always the same, "vote for the biggest asshole". On the issue of driving my advice is "Keep your traffic finger ready, you'll need it". On dealing with oinkers (ok, cops), DON'T PISS THEM OFF, they have guns and practice with them regularly.
It depends of who is giving me the advice. In some cases I will politely listen knowing that I am going to do what I feel is right regardless of their suggestions. Other times I will simply change the subject so that it is rather clear that it is not up for discussion. To be fair most people do try to give advise from a good place and with good intentions.
i don't know that this one is as much of an old cliche as it is a legitimate way to avoid fucking yourself over monetarily. sure, if you have substantial savings or rich parents or something like that, go ahead and quit whenever. but for the average paycheck-to-paycheck person, you really don't want to sever your source of income unless you already have an alternate source of income. especially considering that it's harder to get a new job if your resume shows that you randomly quit your last one and have been unemployed since. of course, there are situations where you need to just get the hell out of there ASAP. but the general idea of the cliche holds true.
That's my point though, this cliche was created by employers, not employees. It has become a mantra, respected as truth. The reality is that the only job "security" any of us has is within ourselves each of us NOT the employers. I used to buy this same mantra, it was drilled into me by family, friends and others. But sometimes an employment situation can become so toxic it sinks us into a deep depression. When that happens we readily give into to hopelessness and feel we must, at all costs, preserve our "job". The reality is that the employer is already planning to kick us to the curb and replace us with the cheapest alternative they can find. While we are working to survive, they are whipping every nickel from our hide until we burn out. Then they use any flimsy excuse to boot us out. Or worse, they create a situation that makes firing us (and thereby denying us any sort of unemployment benefits) painfully easy. I have been working since I was 14, I'm in my 50s now. In all of that time I have learned that MOST of my employers were greedy bastards and bitches who wouldn't care if I fell off the earth, as long as it happened at the end of my shift. But it was Jane, my wife, who showed me just how liberating it can be to take charge and be my own person. A year or so after we were married she was working for a retailer in a mall while I was doing odd assignments through Manpower. Our only car broke down on her way to work and we didn't have cell phones, so she parked it and walked 3 miles to work. She was 20 minutes late and her boss was furious. She didn't want to hear about car trouble and told my wife she would be suspended for 3 days after her shift. Jane at first did the usual thing and finished her shift. The next day I fixed the car and she dropped me off at work. She went back to her employer and told them she quit. She was surprised when they literally begged her to stay. She was one of the few people in her department who knew how to run the register and do odd things like complicated returns, layaways and nightly reconciliations. Knowing they had been deceiving her all along only made matters worse and she walked out. I was angry and spewed the old line "never quite a job until you have another waiting" to which she replied "fuck them, they didn't give a shit about me". Two days later she interviewed for another job, which paid more than a buck less, but was closer to what she wanted, office work. She said that telling her previous boss that she was leaving was so empowering that it made the whole game come into focus. She was her own person and didn't NEED an employer to define her. I ultimately realized how right she was when she got a raise after her first 90 days. Within a year she was making more than she did in retail. It was more than a year later that I did the same thing to my horrible boss. I left his ass high and dry when he tried to get me to work off the clock. I later learned that I was doing several of his tasks and the company owner let him go shortly after I left. My overall point is that while the economy makes it seem like employers have the advantage, if you are productive and good at your work, they need you far more than you need them no matter how bad things seem. Employers have a vested interest in poor-mouthing and making it seem like the company is barely getting by. Sure, there are some benevolent, caring employers. I know. I've met BOTH of them!
^ for the record, i'm pretty sure suspending her after her shift was illegal. at least, when i was in food management i was always taught that if you suspend someone it has to be effective immediately.
as an advice ? :-D Yeah, I think - at least for me - I'm willing to follow someones advice if it's a really easy to follow - if it starts to get complicated I won't do it ..... after some preliminary check if I find it useful (e.g. collegues advices how to treat my wife or Why to buy *only* a new car? [which I like really :-D] )
