Untradional marriage. help.

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by TrippieHippie, Jan 11, 2005.

  1. TrippieHippie

    TrippieHippie Member

    Ok so my bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in love. We have talked about moving in together, we have talked about marriage in the future. Well we assumed, its almost we wouldn't think of it any other way.

    I just keep thinking though, His family is an unactive catholics and my family is agnostic. I don't always feel like a tradional wedding and marriage is what I want. Latley, I have been more and more into my spirituality. I don't beleive in getting married in a church by god. If I don't beleive in god.

    I really just don't really know what I want. I want to be more openminded though. Do you think it is wrong or causes problems to live with a mate before marriage? Did Hippies beleive in marriage? I feel like he is my soul mate. Just curious of what others do besides a tradional white dress weddings. I feel like I am ready for marriage. I want it so badly. I can't imagine a day without him. Neither can he. I tried to take things to the next level of living together or taking some time apart to decide what we want. He freaked out over the time apart thing. I don't want to break up, but how do I take a relationship to the next level? Even closer than I am, would be better than a marriage.
     
  2. FallenFairy

    FallenFairy Senior Member

    All I can say to you is go with what you feel and go with your beleifs. Your into all the spirituality then have a spiritual wedding. I for one dont think its wrong to live with your mate before marriage.
     
  3. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    Personally I don't really believe in marriage, but that's just me (my mom has been through three divorces, two of which while I was around). I would say that trying to live together, at least for a little while, before ya'll seal the deal. It just sounds like a good idea to me... if you two can't live together then marriage will be excruciatingly difficult. Just make sure you guys always respect each other, and don't have unrealistic expectation of what it's gonna be like.
     
  4. First off, it is good that you want to be open-minded. My family is catholic as well and I am not a christian. But my mom is going to throw an absolute fit if I dont have the wedding at the church, right? Well, what I want to do is have a very small (we are talking me and my mate, both of our parents, and maybe a friend or two) wedding in the church and shortly after head out to the REAL wedding. Just to make my mother happy but still have what I want.

    as for dresses, my friends have worn everything from trad white to totally gothic style dresses and one girl got married in her hippie skirt and flower shirt and another in her wranglers and a cowboy hat. You can do ANYTHING with dresses.

    Living together works...some of the time. But it is a very serious step to take. The statistics show that it is a very bad idea. there is somewhere like a 60-80% chance of failure in a relationship if the couple has lived together more than a year before marriage. That doesn't mean it can't work between you two.

    I think you just need to sit down and speak to him about getting both of your lives in order and exactly what you each want out of the relationship.
     
  5. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    the marriage is for the couple, the wedding is for the parents. its best to not look for ideal situations, just go with the flow. if you fight against a traditional wedding, you are trading one day of stress for a lifetime of complaining from your folks. as long as it does not put you or your hubby in debt in any way, go to a church, go through the motions, grin and bear it, and keep quiet about your desires and beliefs. tis the path of least resistance. Toaism 101.
     
  6. kitty fabulous

    kitty fabulous smoked tofu

    my current husband and i had a legal handfasting. i wore a black dress, because i didn't have time to sew the dress i wanted. i honestly don't remember what he wore, but he'd just seen a dentist the previous day & still had a mouthful of gauze. right up till the day of the wedding we thought that my parents weren't going to show, as my dad had issues with my religion, the fact that i'd been divorced once before, and, although he never said it out loud, i suspect my husband's race as well. my brother boycotted my wedding, and made a point of not inviting me to his.

    now that we're four years into the marriage, i can't say that i'm totally sure we made the right decision - not about the "non-traditional" marriage (neither of us are christian so why should we have gotten married in a church?) but about getting married at all. i think we would have been happier in the long-term, just living together and being content with that. but i was insecure over a lost pregnancy, and i guess i sort of thought that "making it legal" would fix everything. my husband is a very sweet guy, and can be very loving, but still, it didn't. we now have an "open marriage" and truth be told i'm not happy with that arrangement either. i feel stifled and trapped and unfulfilled.

    to be honest, i'm not really sure i believe in marriage. really it's ust a legal arrangement. comitment is one thing, but making a legal contract that is binding for the rest of your life no matter what...eh...it really doesn't work that way. quite frankly i think if the relationship is going to be saved at all, we need some time apart, so he can do his experimenting and so i can just be alone and be myself for awhile. i genuinely believe that in a lot of ways, marriage did more to hurt our relationship than preserve it.
     
  7. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    You're awesome. Marry me, errr..... just an expression.
     

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