Unsatisfied husband

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by JoeyTribbiano, Feb 19, 2019.

  1. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    Hey all . .

    I'm new here, i just needed an advice for the below:

    as you can see from the title that i am married and not satisfied .. my Sex drive is soo high, while my wife's appetite is almost nothing .. she is sexy . .attractive .. and beautiful mother . . YET she always says: "all you ask for is sex??? where is love where is everything else??" while i swear i give her all what she need .. love .. care .. hugs .. baby care .. almost everything .. moreover .. she told me recently that i drop her to the beach Zomba class to sneak a look at her female colleagues .. COME ON??

    bottom line ..

    HOW TO COUP with such differences in our sex appetite?? it is very hard for me ..

  2. Deejay88

    Deejay88 Member

    Talk to her and ask her what wrong is there something she would like for u to do maybe something different to get her in the mood and or maybe have sex in a different way a lot of men like to have hard and rough sex and a lot of women like that maybe try something more soft and sensual maybe she wants a vacation just don’t stop asking question keep that line of communication open
  3. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    even if we whenever we are on a vacation .. the SEX itself is very routine work ..

    i don't get blowjob at the foreplay (which is probably for her only)
    none of my fantasies are accepted .. no Shower Sex .. no sex outside the bed .. + she can allow time for the baby .. study .. cleaning the house .. BUT not for US.

    and she asked me that killing question last week: "why did not you marry some girls with bigger boobs and hips and higher Sex drive, from the beginning??" .. Really!!??
  4. Deejay88

    Deejay88 Member

    Well sometimes he happen with women who just had babies they don’t like the way they look it may not be u but if so u need to assure everyday that is she beautiful and sexy as if it was y’all right time dating u need to hold her hand in public tell her she looks sexy or beautiful everyday stuff like that goes a long way get her flowers
  5. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    getting her flowers is the only thing missing now .. or else is happening ..

    have you read the last question she asked me.??
  6. Deejay88

    Deejay88 Member

    Yea do u watch porn because I did the same thing I would watch porn and leave it on my phone and she would judge the women I like by looking at the women on my porn video and she would ask me stuff like that but I reassure her it was just porn
  7. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    it IS just porn .. her problem with me is that i do not let her know until she discovers .. :|
    yet .. i Watch porn .. (no ejaculation) because i suffer of lack of sex
  8. Deejay88

    Deejay88 Member

    Well that could be a big part she thinks you are not satisfied with her some women see porn as a way of cheating so be clear with her or ask her about it
  9. Panama Jack

    Panama Jack Member

    Respectfully, If it truly the way you say. It’s time to sit down, knee to knee, hand in hand and talk with(not to)her about some counseling.
    Also, you might ask what has changed with you. Weight, attitude, are you watching too much porn.
    What is she allowing to come between you?
    What age group are you in?
    Obviously, you two are miles apart on your sexual and marriage.
    Don’t overthink this but, you need to get the bottom of what really is happening.
    Why were you happy when you dated and what’s happening now?
    What happened to compatibility?
    Good luck.
    JoeyTribbiano and Deejay88 like this.
  10. Deidre

    Deidre Follow thy heart

    You shouldn’t have to “ask” for sex. If she isn’t feeling it enough to want to engage with you often enough, maybe it’s time to figure out if she feels you’re only interested in getting off as opposed to giving her pleasure too.

    She might see sex with you as something else on her “to do” list because she doesn’t feel like her pleasure matters as much as yours.

    It might not be you at all and another reason she’s not into it. You have to figure it out. Turning to porn as crutch to get you by will only create a greater divide, I think.
    Deejay88 likes this.
  11. Gene London

    Gene London Member

    Mismatched libido is very challenging, I am good to go daily. My wife and I were in perfect sync for a long time but menopause did a job on her libido. We went through some bumpy times but we eventually came to an agreement on something we both could handle which is once a week. Our deal was actually 2x but that lasted a week. At this point we are pretty much at once a week with 2x on occasion. It is not the crazy passion we once had but it is good.

    After kids it changes for some women, hormones can be very powerful...I think you need to talk and figure out a balance you both can live with. Over time the hormones can change for the better but the key is you both need to work together through it. Change of scenery helps a lot, hard for her to get in the mood when everywhere she looks there is a task undone...When our kids were young we tried to get away on weekends, to the city for dinner and a room down town after...sleep in and go out for brunch before heading home....
  12. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    HER pleasure?? let me tell you something .. sometimes we foreplay for 20 minutes only to please her and after that (I) do the routine work .. without any facial or voice interaction from her .. trust me .. i love when i please her .. but if you are not interacting afterwards . .it is a TOTAL TURN OFF.. isn't it??
  13. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    you know, yesterday i stopped by to buy her some flowers after 11 hours outside home for work ..
    and i did not even get a kiss .. :)

    she just smiled .. she is offended of me watching porn .. still as a good gesture from me .. i just thought that at least i could get a KISS?? NO??
  14. Gene London

    Gene London Member

    See if the green eyed monster wakes her up, one night during dinner I was telling my boys about aggressive women. I work for a fortune 500 company so anyone on that site is doing pretty well and are high value targets for the single women on site (as well as married women). A few years ago my wedding ring got bent in an accident so I have not worn it in a while. Anyway I was telling my boys about aggressive women and that I get asked to lunch quite frequently. My wife did not say a word she just got quiet, after dinner she went up stairs and waited. When I got there she was in a negligee that I love and she had already lubed up her ass and said she wanted me. I had forgotten about the conversation downstairs so I wasted no time getting started. As I was pounding away my wife told me that those bitches at work better steer clear of me :).

    Although I told her it happens I did not go into detail, one morning I was walking in and it is a large site. I was chatting it up with a really cute girl about 20 years younger than me on the walk. By the time I reached my desk I was in work mode and had forgotten about the walk in. Out of no where the girl shows up at my desk and wants to go to lunch. I was shocked, from my street corner she was way out of my league so I smiled and looked at my empty ring finger and held it up and told her I was sorry but I was married and I did not mean to confuse her. I was expecting an "oh, OK bye...." and she got a pretty seductive look and said "happily?". I was lost for word for a moment then I said yes and we had an awkward giggle and she left. For the next 6 months when ever I saw her around the campus I would say hello and she would say "Still Happy?" - Never told the wife about that one, not sure it would have been received as well
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2019
  15. Windman

    Windman Member

    My experience with my wife after menopause it that her libido nearly fell off the the face of the earth. In every other aspect of our marriage we is great. Until I accepted that she wasnt going to want sex it drove me nuts.
    Pre menopause, we had a great sex life. After, almost nil. What I have come to realize is that if I want sexual satisfaction It’s up to me to come up with an alternative.
  16. iamjustme

    iamjustme Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Several points...

    1) She is not a man, she does not share your needs at the same level. This is typical for any marriage. Men masturbating more than they have sex is more common than you think.
    2) She should know and understand that your drive is higher than hers, and her love for you should make her want to please you sexually... in other words... have sex even if she really doesn't want to. But in today's "toxic masculinity" anti-male culture...women are losing this much needed and important part of a marriage.
    3) Have you considered she has other interest? Just sayin. A partners sudden crash in sex drive is a high sign of outside activity...not saying that is the case, but it is true.
    4) Women lose a percentage of their drive after the last child is born. Not all but most, again masturbation and her having sex for you, even if she is not really into it can solve that problem.

    It's a tough position to be in. I was there myself for several years. Eventually, like more marriages than you can imagine, we became sexless.
    She is now my ex-wife.
  17. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    you are pretty much describing my situation .. however we are young and been married for only 4 years in April ..
    i never thought about her as my Ex-wife .. but she makes drama and turn herself off from me on the smallest things (even if i could not wake up at 5:45am with pain in my upper back .. sleeping at 1:30am + work for 10 hours after .. as not going to Gym lets her think i am watching Porn and Masturbating where both are not happening)
    .. What other interest? she only wants the touches, cuddles, arm wrapping & love all the time .. which i am providing without a question .. but WHERE IS MAKING LOVE (SEX)???
    isn't it a part and act of love or what ..
  18. iamjustme

    iamjustme Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Unfortunately you have a wife whose drive is lower than even most women. It is tough, and you are not alone.
    LIke I say, in today's culture, male behaviors are made out to bad. Masculinity is constantly shown to be a behavior that needs to be eradicated. Just look at today's TV commercials - over and over and over the roles are reversed... women doing men things and men doing women things. This has a dramatic negative affect on relationships. WE ARE MEN. Women use to understand that and they just knew that they were going to have sex with their partner more than they wanted...but today girls are taught that it is the man's problem..they should never have to be subject to a man's advances when they don't want to. This is insane. It is against nature.
    You are already deep in the greatest threat to a marriage that exist - RESENTMENT. You obviously resent her behavior. This will only lead to much. much further problems.
  19. JoeyTribbiano

    JoeyTribbiano Member

    ... yesterday in a moment of truth .. i tried to open that subject .. // note: i do watch porn // and in the middle of the conversation .. she said with tears dropping on her cheeks .. because you watch porn .. and you were supposed to STOP it at the first time i discovered you do.
    .. so now is it all me?? i am not defending myself ..
    we have a beautiful 3 months girl .. and of course i don't want to look after further problems .. !!!
  20. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

    There’s your answer...a three month old!
    No new mom thinks she’s sexy, or has the energy or hormone balance to be the nymphet prior to the baby.
    Welcome to a new stage.
    This too shall pass, if you aren’t an ass.

    Look to reigniting her fire without expectation that night (or morning, or afternoon, whatever it takes)
    Make sure she feels loved and desired even with a post baby body.

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