We've all talked the subject of "threesomes" to death, but new threads keep starting up and old ones won't die because we all LIKE them so much. However, here's an aspect that hasn't been discussed (I don't think) and is very tightly bound to my own personal threesome experience. Most of my friends here (and lots of others) have heard me talk about my one-and-only threesome with my wife and an extremely close male friend (Steve), that took place in 1985 and lasted for just over six months before ending badly. So, here are a few of the relevant background details, followed by the issue I want to discuss. Both my wife and I are sex novices (based purely on total number of partners.) I'm 60 years old, she's 58. I've had sex with a grand total of three women in my entire life. My wife had never had sex prior to me and the friend in our threesome is the only other man who she's ever fucked. (I base all of this on what she's told me over the years and I have zero reason to doubt her.) I'm the one that initiated the threesome. I spent a couple months warming my wife up to the idea (remember, I'd been her only lover up until then). It didn't take nearly that long to get Steve (our male friend) to agree. They fucked for the first time in June, 1985 and continued to do so frequently until early January 1986. It all ended on the night of our last get-together when I stormed out of our house because I felt like I was being ignored by the two of them and they were only interested in fucking each other. So, a big part of the breakup was fueled by my jealousy. However, I had other issues that also came to a head at that point. Some of them popped up during the threesome and some of them were preexisting. Two main issues (one from before the threesome began and one that arose during it) were at the heart of the problem. First issue: Despite of having numerous women telling me that I was cute/handsome/attractive/etc. back then, I had (and still have) a fragile enough self-image that the idea of approaching a woman to propose casual sex (either one-off or on an ongoing basis) left me so concerned by the possibility of rejection and/or humiliation that I never even attempted it. (On top of that, the last girl friend I had before meeting my wife, spent a whole year with me and we fucked like rabbits. Ultimately, I got her pregnant and she had an abortion. As a result, I was also a little gun-shy back then about a possible repeat of the situation. It's bad enough to get a girl friend pregnant. It's much worse to do it while you're married to someone else, even if your spouse knows about, and approves of, the girl friend.) I know that a number of our male friends thought my wife was very attractive and, while none of them came out and said so, it was clear that several of them would jump at the chance to fuck her, if such an opportunity arose. I have no idea if any of our female friends expressed similar opinions to my wife about me, but none were ever forthcoming. As such, it was apparent enough to me that my wife would have no trouble at all finding someone besides me to fuck if she was so inclined, while the same ease of finding a "fuck buddy" didn't exist for me (in my world-view of the time.) Since neither of us were fucking anyone else during the first six years of our marriage, it wasn't really an issue. Once our threesome took off like a rocket, that changed. Second issue: Once our threesome really got going, I found one (to my dismay) that Steve was a better sex partner than me in several ways. He was shorter and more wiry than me, allowing him to enter my wife more deeply than me (as his hips were narrower.) Those same narrow hips allowed her to ride him "cowgirl" effortlessly, while riding me, with my broader hips, became uncomfortable for her after a short time. Second, he weighed considerably less than me, which allowed him to lay in full contact with my wife when they fucked in missionary position. I, OTOH, had to maintain a sort of "push-up" position when we fucked in missionary. If I laid down on her, it was hard for her to breathe. Third, Steve had stamina from hell. A marathon session for me was a little over five minutes. Steve, OTOH, could go ten, fifteen, or more minutes without cracking a sweat. I know the difference was not lost on my wife. Consequently, once our threesome had been going for a while, I started to notice that my wife was clearly enjoying fucking Steve more than she enjoyed fucking me. (I considered that this might happen before our threesome began, but didn't accurately predict how much it would impact my ego.) In addition to the illicit thrill of fucking a man other than your husband, RIGHT IN FRONT of your husband, Steve's other (superior) abilities seemed to be upsetting the nice balance I'd hoped for between he and I when we shared my wife. This, coupled with my irrational fear of rejection at trying to find an additional sex partner for myself just keep fueling the jealously. I'd provided her with a second lover and now *I* could find one for myself. She had two, I had one (and maybe not even all of one, since I had to share.) Another factor that exacerbated the problem was that Steve had had many more sex partners than I had. At the point of our threesome, he'd had eight women, one of whom was his current GF in a city about one and a half hours away, plus my wife. She was his ninth sex partner. So, he not only had more than me total, he had TWO while in the threesome; my wife and his GF, whom he was still seeing and fucking. (My wife and I both knew about his GF, but it didn't affect our threesome, at least, not for my wife.) All this ultimately tipped the scales until the threesome fell apart. We've never tried anything like that since, and neither of us have had any sex partners other than each other since. On a up note, having talked about how our threesome failed, my wife and I both feel that, if we could do it all over again, knowing what we know now, we could make it work and would have had it last much, much longer than it did. So, why am I writing all of this? Well, I'm curious. Am I then only one here who's been in a failed threesome because of these similar jealousy issues? Have any of you had your self-confidence shaken because you felt inferior (in your opinion) to the member in a threesome who was the same sex as you? Have you ever felt (in a threesome) that your partner, spouse, SO, boy/girl friend was favoring the other member of the threesome at the expense of attention to you? Have there ever been other issues that soured a threesome for you? I'd really like to hear other stories. It'd be nice to know how other peoples experiences stack up to mine. Frankly, it'd also be nice to know that I'm not the only one who's had these sorts of problems.
Hey buzzgunner. You are definitely not the only one that has had bumps in the ole threesome triangle. My wife and myself had a pretty good bump not to long after we started having them. I think in our case it was a combination of lack of communication on our part and a bit of jealousy on my part. Sometimes it's hard for a woman to show equal amounts of participation to each guy involved. Especially when a couple first starts out in a MFM. So many emotions, nervous jitters and thinking your going to get out done by some other guy. We worked through ours and are closer now than we've ever been, even after nearly 24 years together. We still participate but really talk about it a lot. My wife will take, sometimes a month, maybe two and it will only be us two. We actually use two "regular guys" that understand and show us both respect and we do them as well. We will keep on like this until my wife wants to stop it, I give her full say so. After all it is her body and I respect that. I'm sure they are many stories that took a bumpy ride or ran completely out of the road lol. I just hope they got control as we did ours.
Thanks for that validation, NM. We worked through our issues as well, and are still happily married (for 37 years, as of 6 days ago.) I am a bit jealous of you (and your wife) in that you two found a way to continue to enjoy regular threesomes with a couple of your friends. We never tried again, after our blow-up. We really didn't have anyone else we trusted enough to try with, having wrecked things with that one friend (Steve), and Lori was so gun shy by then that I'm almost certain I could never have talked her into trying again anyway.
About 8 years into our marriage, hubby and I were in a polyamorous relationship with another couple. If my husband and his wife had not gotten jealous it would have worked, lol. She was not a truly polyamorous person. I think she went along with it to play head games with her husband. They'd been in multiple partner relationships before and she'd always managed to wreck them somehow. I learned this after I became involved. Hubby and I had not been in a relationship like that before. So many head games from that other woman shook his self-confidence and his belief in the concept of polyamory. His health has since deteriorated and he has no desire/reason to put himself through anything like that again. I am free to do as I want. I've continued a long distance, seldom see him, relationship with that man for the last 8 years; however I decided to cease contact with him about 2 months ago. I love him but delaying the death of a relationship by eeeking it out like we had been was just too difficult on my heart and head. I did have one other very brief relationship a few years but the guy totally misrepresented who he was and ended up being a total disappointment. I sent him packing. I'd never attempt to have a purely sexual relationship with anyone. That's not who I am. I'm not sure if I'd try the polyamory again either. It's too hard to know people enough to fully trust them before you are involved. People think they know themselves and how they will behave but I don't think that's true of anyone but very exceptional people.
VG, of all the opinions here in the Forums, yours are the ones that concerns me the least. I can't remember the last time I saw any actual contribution from you (on ANY topic.) All you seem to do is criticize, belittle, and generally troll other posts.
I guess that no one will believe that I had a few thousand threesomes. My life has been unusual in many areas, including sex and marriage. I am married over 44 years and over 30 of those years were spent in a Poly Triad with my wife's best friend. Threesomes were our nightly regular sex and hence the reason my wife and I had so many threesomes. We have also tried every fetish found on Fetlife.com. Our girlfriend had her own room in our home and is a childhood friend of both my wife and I. I often do not believe most sex postings, especially if they do not ring true based on my experience but then again I withhold a lot of info because if I did not, even I would find it unbelievable. I never told a sole about our Poly Triad until I was 64 and only then, online. My parents do not know that my wife and I shared a girlfriend although they may suspect it since our girlfriend always seemed to be visiting us when my parents came around. However, we learned that marriage covers all sins. It is perfectly normal to call our girlfriend, my wife's girlfriend and have no one take it sexually. I still believe that the majority of sex posts, especially those that are written like a story, are phony. I once called out a guy who posted that his wife made him wear a maid's outfit, chastity belt and then invited all their friends, neighbors and family over so he could serve them dinner dressed as a maid. Afterwards he said that they all took turns urinating on him, even his parents. I called shenanigans on his post and to my surprise, he got 20+ post congratulating him on what happened to him and wishing their wives would treat them the same. So the impression I got from that and other posts about fetish play which I have been into for over 45 years, is that a lot of guys live their sex lives online and they all support each other or are truly naive as to believe some of the stuff they read. Then again, I could post a few good true stories that you would never believe either, so who knows but when someone tells me that their wife tied them to the bed while the wife spent a night with her lover, I had to ask if she went to the bathroom in his bed and what would happen if there was a fire. Of course the story changed until eventually he was tied so he could easily get out if he had to use the bathroom which then made it a story about pretending to be tied up which is not the same. Anyway, I personally do not care who believes me or not since I am not looking for people to believe an online sex life. Most who actually do the things I do, do not post about them. We never did while we were actively involved and neither did others we played with. Those that protest too much and defend themselves with post after post are the ones I do not believe. They try too hard to want others to believe them and those who do rather than want to do, feel no need to defend themselves. Nothing anyone says can change my sexual experiences.
I only just saw that reply now, 6 months later If I read this all correctly ??? Then later you bugged her for months for a threesome, then you flipped out because she liked it better with him The one time in 37 years, in the back of your mind, you know what that means But If I dont go along with all the fake positive telling you what you want to hear BS, then I am the a-hole ??? I wonder how many woman just fake go along with it just to try keep the hubby happy, interested / so he doesnt leave her / so she doesnt have to try start over again with another hubby / she doesnt really have a choice Most I think, but if that were true, then I'm the one trolling for saying it out loud ???
Do you deliberately just read parts of my posts that look like good fodder for inflammatory responses, or are you semi-literate? The woman that I got pregnant was the last girlfriend I had before I met my wife. (You know, the girlfriend I said who refused to use birth control but still wanted to fuck all the time?) My wife has never been pregnant and has always used birth control. I finally found something that we both agree on! You ARE an A-hole. Well, wonder away, bucko. My wife may have been uneasy about the threesome at its beginning, but by the time it neared the end, she was almost always the one who suggested that our male friend come over for sex. She knew that she could stop any time she wanted and the worst thing that would have happened was that I would have been disappointed for a while. That's it. However, she didn't want to stop. She was having a good time! I think you just troll because you like to start "social fires".
I had a relationship with a older couple that lasted about 6 months. He liked that I fell in love with her and enjoyed watching us make out like teenagers. He also loved sucking my dick often. I liked watching him take her second too. First relationship where I had no jealousy and was kind of a second husband for her. I'd love to find the right couple for that kind of relationship...but I doubt I'll be that lucky.
My wife and I had a 3sum with another bi-guy for about 5 months. We all loved it and discovered new pleasures but in the end she found she got too emotionally involved with him. He was someone who was quite reserved and only wanted his sexuality in the bedroom, could never do anything social with me on my own and in the end I pulled out. They carriedcon meeting for a few more months while I met guys on my own, then she split from him when she found he was also meeting other couples.... we had all been sexually bonded.....so that spoilt it. Sometimes I think the best 3sums are when nobody has met before, so long as everyone's vetos are respected. Simon
