Unable to deal with failure

Yes, my mom continually admonishes, points, jeers, grimaces, rolls her eyes, spits, castrates, and whips me in my fantasy life. I do better by bringing these fantasies to the surface of consciousness (and accept pain/humiliation) rather than suppressing them.

 

I am a counselor ): so I am doing it all day. When I analyze others and am trying to get them to reach their full-potential, I always think who the hell am I? I haven't reached my full-potential. I don't know.
I agree about a middle ground. I often find it difficult to put gray areas into practice.

 

Do think everyone hears their mother's voice, or just people who's mom maybe didn't have some so great moments (ie-was a complete borderline)?
Prax-Was you mom borderline?
quote=bluesafire;5214294]Of course! Everyone has a voice like that and it's always the meanest it can possibly be. That's its job. That's what it does.

The trick is to not believe it. Because that's when we get sucked in and start feeling bad emotionally. See if you can hear it and remember that "it" and "you" are not one and the same. Then you won't take it personally. You may not be able to make that distinction right away, but just practice and it'll happen. I've done it... and feel loads better now on a regular basis. It's kinda like tuning in to a radio frequency that's always set to NASTY. lol! We can tune out of that and in to something else... like GRATITUDE for example. Just start thinking of anything and everything that you're grateful for NOW... big or small.. it doesn't matter. And see how fast your mood changes. It's a tiny and FREE exercise we can do that has a powerful effect... and doesn't require therapy.

Yes, my Voice often sounds like my mom... but that's probably cause she acted like a meanie and told me she hated me. But in all fairness she couldn't distinguish between "herself" and "the voice inside her mind" so she just projected all the nastiness she heard onto me. Most people do that, as a matter of fact. It's kind like being possessed.[/quote]

 

I have a very difficult time dealing with failure of any type, large or small. I'm a perfectionist, always have been. It's simply who I am and I've come to accept the fact that I'll always be that way.

But I think it can be a good thing.

 

it's more about balance than "middle ground grey areas" life isnt one way or the other, its different for every situation and you need to learn how to balance it all out.

 

I wouldn't give her some kind of pseudo-medical label. She is definitely judgmental, and is resentful of men (probably because her father/my grandfather died when she was 2).

 

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

Yeah, well...Krishnamurti had his issues.

 

don't we all.

 

Me? Never.

 

Im stealing that and moving it to my myspace. A good friend of mine will get a kick out of it.

 

Krishnamurti had a guru-world savior complex. If wise old men is what makes you tick, I'd go for someone like Shunryu Suzuki (even though he was a buddhist):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHNyCAJXUXE

 

I did that one time when I made sunny-sides-up eggs and they popped in the pan. I did the exact same thing. I set too high standards for myself - I have learned to be less of a perfectionist since then.

 

and learned that nothing really matters, it's all an illusion. so looking at it this way, fucking-up your cooking seems pretty insignificant! haha

but here I go again giving people advice I most-of-the-time can't apply to myself. the issue is: my emotions.

 

A perfectionist would stay up all night and bake a new batch. A baby would cry over the first batch.

Just clarifyiing. If that's the extent of your problems, you might just want to refocus your priorities. Dessert isn't that important.

Pretty important. :biggrin:

 

I think I'll pass.

 

I remember crying over the first messed-up sunny-sides up eggs. then making new ones that were perfectly done. if I fucked those up I would made eggs again. the whole thing is pretty fucked-up haha

 

I mean I have my own serious issues.

But crying about eggs? Why not just yell at the eggs?

"If you don't scramble I'll pound you!" :biggrin:

Then the eggs would scramble because they'd be chicken.

 

They don't have to be wise, just old

 

There were enough non-burnt ones for my hubby to take to work, so he could come home and tell me all the compiments .