Uk bi guy.

Hi there. Jamie here.

34 Bi guy from the UK.

I'm not "out" and I'm married. Using the internet to explore the ever increasing bisexual urges I am experiencing, hoping that discussion on here will help me understand them.

 

Welcome here! Are you a top or a bottom when you are with a guy?

I have not had any experience with women since my 20's, so probably can't offer much. Too bad you have to keep it on the "down low", as we say. Is it because of your wife? Hope you find something of value here.

 

Thanks for the reply.

Typically bottom.

combination of wife and family I guess.

 

Welcome to the Hip Forums
Enjoy the time here

 

welcome Jamie, not so many in the uk on here...im bisexual in the west of scotland, tho double your age. Was married the last 25 years so know some of the aspects of being a married bi.

Loads of useful chat n info on here.

Simon

 

Welcome, I am a UK member, but not Bi.

 

I find it interesting that it wasn't until your 30's that you discovered your bi nature. Or did you always feel that way, but repressed it?

My younger son had some homosexual experiences as a teen, but as best I can tell is strictly straight now, like you, married (uh, guess in today's world need to say married to a woman) with two children with one in the oven. I think it would cause problems in his marriage if he took a lover, male or female, so I hope that doesn't happen.

My own misspent youth was a bit the mirror of yours. I had some women lovers in my college years and one after, but gave that up when I got married. At times I wish I had allowed myself more in that regard, but it just didn't happen. Having never been a huge fan of anal intercourse, had I been born a guy, I probably never would have had a same sex encounters, if that makes any sense (which it probably doesn't, as if I'd been born male, there would be no 'I').

What do you find satisfying in sexual encounters with men that you don't find with women? Do you wish your wife took more initiative in bed? Anyway, here's hoping it all works out well for you and your family.

 

Thanks Simon.

Used to holiday on the West coast of Scotland as a kid. I remember going to eilean donnan (spelling?) Castle and seeing the pictures of the Highlander film being made. (Massive fan to this day. Sad I know.)

If I am honest with myself I always surpressed my bi feelings. I suppose my upbringing/surrounding attitudes were very olde school religious/homophobic.

I definitely had the opportunity to do more st college but didn't act on it due to guilty conscience. Even though I know that there is nothing wrong with bisexuality/homosexuality my conditioning made me feel guilty for wanting to experience it. I regret not experimenting more when I had the opportunity deeply as obviously now I am old enough and have seen enough of the outside world to know that I won't burn for all eternity in the sulphurous fires of hell if I look at a penis and that I could probably get away with touching it too I am married and have a family and i am sure that were my wife to find out that I have these thoughts she would leave me. So I am stuck in limbo I suppose.

I often feel that that is partly down to my own cowardice, I wish I had had the courage at an earlier age to just do whatever it was (or whoever) I wanted and find out who I wanted to be. But I didn't.

Anyway, apologies for rambling. To answer your final question. I find satisfaction from almost all the facets of sex with men, I find men equally as attractive as women (now that I am able to admit that to myself) I like the masculine figure and tend to go for guys older, bigger and hairier than me. I'm 6'2" and 15 stone and I like a guy who could throw me around. Bears. I love a bear.

I like how guys are more dominant and take what they want, I love looking up at a guy as I am giving him a blowjob and he is holding my head using my mouth, and I particularly enjoy the sensation and domination of anal sex.

 

Hi Jamie ,

Welcome to HF although I'm fairly new to it, I think you'll find like minded guys here and who knows perhaps friends as well.

I know I greatly appreciated your post and openness about your own sexuality. I think we spend way too much time with labels rather than just enjoying what we like.

I think you'll find this a place where you can be comfortable with your feelings.

 

Eilean Donan

the latter part of yr msg doesn't sound to optimistic Jamie

while I had my first m2m affair at 19 I mostly went with women the next 20 years, then married the next 25, but after 10 years drifted back into m2m meets and now I consider I'm on the gay end of bisexual. I believe your sexuality can be quite fluid and change.

Looking back I regret now not having had more m2m sex, and indeed I have had plenty, but for me sex is one of the important pleasures in life and guy sex is so less complicated than with women

My wife knew I had been with guys before we married but as I cheated more she eventually outed me and for a while we experimented with a MMOMW.....and also a mmf three fir 5 months. We also tried swinging a bit. But the last eight years we had an open marriage until splitting last year.

Opening up a marriage will surely change the dynamics, and most women have trouble separating emotion and sex.

Good luck,. Simon

 

Thanks for the help with the spelling. I was close, but not close enough.

and thanks for sharing your experience.

 

Hi and welcome...

Can I ask a genuine question to you bi guys. Please.

Do you regard you secret bi meetings as cheating on your wife? How would it differ if your wife took a lover?

Thanks guys.. just always wondered.

 

I can only speak for myself and my experience so far.

Every encounter comes with the guilt that I have cheated but it doesn't seem like a choice to me, more like a need. I have tried just about everything I can to try to reduce the urge but it only delays the inevitible.

That's why I mentioned the feeling of cowardice in an earlier post. I know now that I should have had the courage to be honest with myself from the start and whatever people think know that I am true to myself. I have gone so far down the line of doing what is expected that now I am in danger of hurting more than just myself.

I don't know what is best? I am certain that if I told my wife I am bi and I want to have sex with men she would leave me, she doesn't approve of "that sort of thing." Tentative attempts at guaging a response have told me this. She would out me for sure and then how would us splitting up and my being demonised affect my kids?

My own thoughts at the moment are to continue for now until my children are old enough to leave home, go to uni whatever and can understand or are less affected by a split in the family, then broach the subject when the moment is right and hope that the fallout doesn't mean I don't get to see them.

 

But you are wasting her life too.. you should be honest with her, be what it is.. your a cheat and a liar... does your wife deserve to be in that type of relationship?
When you eventually tell her, and she realises how long you have been cheating, with men! How is she going to feel? Let her free now, if you have any respect for her, you can still pay for your kids.. but let her love again, before you up and leave an old woman to live alone...

 

Hi I'm bi too and enjoy your stay

I have to agree with @morrow cheating is cheating regardless of gender/sex with whom your cheating.
Have you considered that perhaps your wife isn't the right woman for you if she can not accept you bisexual urges?

 

And the winner of the nastiest reply goes to....:

I’m up in Aberdeen Jamie, not many UK based here at all but I personally can’t find a similar forum for the UK

 

What's nasty about my reply? I need to know, I thought I was being honest.. what's your problem?

 

Very easy to criticise and sure from a moral point of view what you say is right, but Jamie has given a clear story of his personal journey that many bi/gay guys have travelled on.

We are born with our sexuality and until fairly recent times it was not easy to go against our upbringing and societies 'norms'. And personally having grown up in England, it was easier there to undertake experiment as I did at the age of 19. In Scotland homosexuality was not fully legal until 2003!

"Scotland’s anti-gay laws were repealed in 2009 but, in the case of sodomy, did not take effect until 2013. It seems scarcely credible, but gay sex ceased to be a crime in the UK only four years ago."

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...31FUF8H3nk99Pb926&ampcf=1&cshid=1566471457421

And knowing Aberdeen where Jamie is from....it would have been even more conservative than many other parts of Scotland ....esp. the Western Isles!

As the father of two children myself I think that, unless the sexual aspect of his or any marriage makes for a dysfunctional relationship, his decision to wait out his children's adulthood is the correct one.

My wife knew that I was bisexual and had had man to man experiences before we married and it was only after ten+ years of marriage (often sometimes the point when sexuality within a marriage changes IMHO) that I found my desires and needs changing. And thankfully my wife being a realistic person, we were able to try different arrangements for the next sixteen years. We have now separated for a variety of reasons and I consider myself to be at the gay end of the bisexual scale. But not every woman is able to take an understanding view of their partners sexuality and needs.

I also believe that our sexuality can be a fluid thing and change as we get older.

Simon

 

I agree to that.

 

I understand what you are saying and I agree. I don't feel great about the decisions I have made, that's why I talked about cowardice in one of my previous posts.

I don't feel that I can be truthful with my wife. I know what the outcome of that will be. My kids get more from me than just financial assistance and I'd like for that to continue until they are old enough to make up their own minds about what is wrong and right.

I understand that what I do is cheating, and I know it doesn't make it any better but I am by no means promiscuous. It's not as If I am having sex with guys on a monthly or even annual basis, most of my bi/gay urges are fantasy or result in me watching pornography and masturbating.

As an aside. Our marriage is pretty much sexless anyway. My wife lost interest in sex while she was pregnant with our second child.

The ideal situation is that I could go back to being a young man in my teens and just be honest with myself, tell my parents I am bi, get kicked out of home and then make a life for myself. But that didn't happen. Now I have to try to limit the damage that my upbringing and my life of lying to myself and my family has caused. Not sure the best way to do that but I'm hoping that discussion like this will help.

Thanks man.

For what it's worth I didn't take Morrow's post as nasty. I can see both sides of the coin.