uh huh

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by led zppelilin fan, Aug 18, 2005.

  1. led zppelilin fan

    led zppelilin fan read this and die!!!

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    my first poem


    the monsters they are not dead.
    in your closet in your head.
    violently they creep.
    silently you sleep.
    monsters they are not dead.
    in your closet under your bed.
    there teeth bite deep.
    your blood they reap.
    all the monsters have died.
    in your dreams they hide.
    until the next night they wait in spite.
    until the next night you wait in fright.



    thoughts please
     
  2. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    First poem ever? Damn good job, then, I liked it a lot. Could use some internal punctuation, unless it was left out intentionally. And it should be "Their" not "There" in line 7.

    Also, I'm not sure you need to say "the monsters they are not dead". The "they" isn't necessary and sounds kind of odd. "The monsters are not dead" would probably work better.

    Little issues, you know? Aside from these minor things, I thought it was a good poem, as far as content goes :)
     
  3. led zppelilin fan

    led zppelilin fan read this and die!!!

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    thank you. when i typed it i just went fast so all the grammer si like that beacuse of it
     
  4. Micha

    Micha Now available in Verdana!

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    Woo Mark!
     

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