Trouble's With Being Bi!

well done.

 

nothing annoys me more than having to go through a thread and clean it up because a group of people are acting like school children
S

 

Hello there, I would have to say I'm in a similar relationship, however me and my boyfriend have decided that if we ever wanted to be with anyone else, we'd have to be there together. The thing is, sexuality can go both ways. For example, sometimes its easy to have sex without emotion, but other times you need the emotion to be able to have sex. If you can find a medium where you and your boyfriend can have your emotional loving sex and if you can find where you can have sex unemotionally with other people, you have it made. This doesn't mean that when you have sex with other people that your love is faultered or poisoned in anyway. The only way to accomplish this is to understand your love and to not become jealous.

One person said on here that you will never lose those urges, which I completely agree with. The longer you suppress an urge, the more you will want to do it, which will lead to you doing it anyway. Every human loves sex, to limit that animal instinct to one relationship (especially if your bisexual like me) will cause so many problems. Isn't it apparent in todays world? The divorce rates are higher than ever....this generation we are trying to have our cake and eat it at the same time...and what I mean by that is we want to hold our traditional values of manogomous marriage, and we also want to have great sex...unfortunately for most people, sex with one person doesnt' always satisfy their needs, sometimes one person wants something while another doesn't. This leads them to finding another person who will satisfy that need.

This brings me to my point. You love men, and women. You are with a man now, a man who does not have the equipment that you fantasize about. This could eventually cause a problem in your relationship if you do not satisfy this need. If your boyfriend is open and understanding and not possesive, it is possible for a relationship to be perfectly healthy when you invite another person in your bed. However, this can only work if you both have a love that is unshakable, if you have good communication, and if you both are not the jealous type.

I've had long term relationships with women, the man I'm with now, he is the only man I've ever loved. I am lucky that he is open minded. He understands that sex can be separated from love and at the same time sex and love need eachother to have a healthy relationship. When we invite another person into our bedroom, we actually become closer because we are so grateful that we both let eachother express our desires. Anyway, hope this helps.

 

no one EVER loses the urges. it depends on the dynamics of each relationship to determine what is acceptable or workable within that relationship.

 

My wife and I were swingers to solve a problem similar to yours and we both loved it and it is done now but I still want guys so she approves of me going to the gay baths and xxx movies and meeting gay or bi guys. I would hate to see you drop the gay thing entirely but work out something that is not cheating but gives you all the things you want in life.

 

Let's face it: Bisexual persons aren't alone in having to make choices. Some folks may be comfortable with a degree of "allowed promiscuity" in marriage and/or relationships. That is their decision. I give and want a committed partner and I do not care for any cheating--even with permission. The focus is on the love of one's partner. As a married male bisexual I know that I am able to sustain a long term relationship with a man, but I will not do so because I am committed to another person already and that person is female. One commitment is quite enough.

 

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enjoy it.

 

I am 18 yrs old and have recently came out as bisexual, to most people. I dont know how i should tell my dad or my brothers. And ive told my grandma and she said that she is ok with it but there is no such thing as bisexuality and that one day i would have to chose. I just shrugged it off, i hardly listen to my grandma anyways lol. But yea that basically my only problem with bisexuality so far... till i come out to my dad that is lol

 

My fiance' and I are both bisexual in an opposite sex relationship. We have mutual friends that we have very intimate experiences with (from tripping to touching). I understand that he needs the touch of a man, and he understands I need the touch of a woman, I'm not sure we would survive any other way

 

When I was in a LTR with my ex-girlfriend, she actually asked me to go out and be with a guy, just to see how it felt. We thought we were going to be together for a really long time, so she didn't want me going my whole life without experiencing a man.

I was okay with it, she was okay with it. I just think that Number 6 is right. You have your whole life to be in a committed hetero relationship. If your SO isn't okay with you being with women occasionally, it's going to be a problem because your desire to be with someone of the same sex is still going to be there.

I hope you figure everything out. There's a lot of good advice on this thread.

 

If you truly don't feel that you want to be monogamous or you don't at this point then be clear about this feeling with your partner. As long as you have an agreement that you can go stuff with a women if you need and want to thats fine and you should go for it! If you don't feel the need to be with a women even for a bit then you can always watch porn you can even watch porn with your man! I don't think you get over the urges you just learn to cope with them and at the end of the day love who and what you have!

 

If you know who you want to be with, then be with them.
If you feel like your life is missing someting,
then don't leave it unfufilled, man.
If needed, take a break and "explore".
Your lover must understand that, atleast.
Maybe he will even allow you to goo around with other people
while still being with him. You never know.

 

I agree with the previous advice. It is hard being in love with a straight guy who doesn't want you to have relations with another woman. Been there. But it is about commitment. Whether its a monogamous or polygamous relationship. Your partner is your partner. He is obviously a monogamous person. So, either you live with that or you don't. Is what you got at home what you really want? Can you be just with him always? If the answer is yes, then be happy and enjoy. If no, you should seriously consider the fact that sooner or later it is gonna cause serious problems in your relationship. Sexuality and whether or not it is to be a mono or poly relationship is something that should be discussed as early as possible in the said relationship. The comfort zone of each has to be considered. And boundaries have to set. Thats only fair and proper. If the other person isn't OK with you doing "anything" or with certain people then it is not an option as long as you are with that person. Whether that is sex or drugs or tobacco or any other thing. If I fell in love with a non-smoker or non-drinker and it bothered them, I would not touch the stuff as long as I was with them or I would NOT be with them if I couldn't handle giving them up.

Give him some time and be content with the status quo and maybe one of these days when you least expect it he will bring the subject up. Maybe he just needs to feel that he is the most important thing in your life. When he feels more secure he may be more open to it.

Peace, Cricket