Tricked into Fatherhood

I don't like anyone touching me, but I think that's my borderline aspiness....

when someone touches me to get my attention it causes me pain. it it, unpleasant.

it is only within VERY specific circumstances I can be touched.

 

I can't stand to be touched because a group of guys cornered me in P.E.

They almost got my clothes off, but the coach blew his whistle to remind them that they were supposed to be playing basket ball.

The coach didn't see me (they had me pinned to the floor of the bleachers) and I didn't say a word about it.

 

that sucks.

sorry guys are assholes.

I admit I am an asshole, but NOT that kind.

 

I don't hate my dad. I just feel very sorry for him and think he is mentally ill. He would have to be to be able to do that to his own daughter. The fact that I didn't know him growing up (my family hid me from him) and then the fact that he did something that executed him from my life when he found me, makes me feel left. Because I was forced to, by his horrid actions to not take his calls (I didn't tell my mom about what he did for 6 months afterwards). The only person i told, told me it was my fault because he was pissed I wouldn't press charges.I was always really hot and then really cold with men before I met Andy. With Andy I was finally warm all the time. I called him first after our first date. This was a first for me-calling a guy first. He was the first person I had ever felt 100 percent safe with-ever. I couldn't let that go. I have had a very unhealthy attachement to him and still do. I am still very manipulative, but he understands I am getting help for it and he never gets mad at me for it.I am sorry you had a similar experience. It's painful, so painful. I am so glad you are handeling it better than me. I wish I had the ability to be that strong at this point in my life, hopefully soon.

 

The not saying anything is what has caused so much shame in me after the fact. I am sooo ashamed I didn't trust my family enough to tell them.I hate it when I see similar things happen to girls in high school. Where I live it is all about 'well boys will be boys' when I complain about my teenagers with disabilities being sexually harassed. it pisses me off. I get soo angry. I am sooo angry tonight. I ahte feeling unimportant or like I don't have a voice.

 

Those boys had groped me earlier in the week and I told the coach. He just shrugged it off. I called him a pig and had to serve detention. Yeah, I wasn't about to say a word.

 

Why don't men realize the potential they have to shame a woman for the rest of her life? Why is it acceptable for teenage boys to tell a 15 year old girl with cerebal palsy that he is going to be her pimp and then laugh at her when she asks what a pimp is? Why the fuck is this all okaay?Why do we feel like ti's not appropriate to tell or that we are going to be blamed or not be 'pure' or a 'good girl' anymore.

 

That makes me so angry and it didn't even happen to me. I can't believe how angry it must have made you.

 

this is why society needs legal duelling, and vengeance killings.

 

ya know it makes sense
don't even think about
life and death are things to just do when you're bored

 

I would do my best to take care of a child of mine regardless of circumstances.

I would restrict my dealings with the mom to things related to our child and do my best to stay out of the courts.

I am angered by the notion that 100% safety or control over parenting and pregnancy is even desirable; all of this jazz about previous commitment prior to having unprotected sex sounds like uptight-female looney tunes to me.

The costs of 100% safety and control are always graver than what we try to keep safe from-

 

couldn't agree more with every word.

 

the thing is, I've thought about it, I've thought about how if someone kills someone else, they are ending possibilities, they are removing that which is most precious from that person, taking from them something I would never wish to have taken from me.

I also recognize that some people are too dangerous, or too hateful, or too evil, for their existence to be positive. even with the joys, the sorrows, all of those things in their life, they do too much harm to the lives of others.

and some of those people do not deserve the freedom, or life given to them by the luck of their birth. be it their birth in a society, or even time, where they are not slaves, or fodder for the machines of war.

or the luck to be able to have power over others.

some beings simply shouldn't have that. and as sociopathic as it sounds on my behalf, I think that it is wrong for some of those to continue existing.

I know the majority of other people feel the same way, even if they are not so deliberate about it. and even if they are unwilling to speak of it, but if we cannot be honest with ourselves, what do we have?

 

if you really feel that way, which I'm sure you do, what makes you the final authority when it's time to decide who dies?

 

I didn't say I was the final authority.

I am not, as attractive as that might be somedays, that is far to great a weight for any among us to bear.

and so, we have to suffer the worthless motherfuckers until something interesting happens.

 

are we talking about someone specifically?

 

not at all.

if I were to be talking about someone specifically I would be prejudging, I would be assuming that my assessment that some asshole were worthless were actually valid.

for all I know, a man who does nothing with his life, and the gifts given to him, may throw a switch, may irritate someone who changes the world, or their impact may be subtle in other ways.

it is not my place to judge.

I do however assess that there is a group of people who the world would be better off without, I just don't quite know who they are.

 

personally I feel like that group includes most people.

 

probably does, probably includes me.

 

you're alright.