Tricked into Fatherhood

*shakes head*...

 

I don't think pregnancy is to be put faithfully into the hands of your partner of which you have every right to trust, but you're giving them the entire responsibility of baby-making. I don't believe people should have unprotected sex when they're not legally committed to each other. That is my personal opinion and it's a smarter choice than to blindly trust your partner and have unprotected sex, such as your friend was doing.

An unborn child is mostly this woman's since your has intentions of not being in the child's life and/or giving up his parental rights. The child then becomes in legal terms, less his and more belonging for her.

 

Because I loved the way he made me feel about myself and he told me I made him happier than he had been in years. I NEEDED him to be a permanent fixture in my life. It is a very selfish way of thinking; what I needed-not him.Also, I had overly high self-esteem (covering up super low self-esteem) at the time and was certain there was no way he could not fall in love with me eventualy.It was true, two months after our first date he proposed in a beautiful way with a beautiful ring, but I know I was lucky it turned out that way.

 

I have no respect for women that try to trap men with a baby. That is playing with another person's life. Not only the guy that was trapped, but the baby's as well. I can't stand it. No one has any right to do that just because they want to cling to another human being. It's selfish and disgusting.

 

Humans are flawed, sometimes grossly flawed.You also don't know the dynamics of people's realtionships.Andy loves to be loved and he is the prototype for the male 'rescuer'.We have a really weird relationship. Most people would find it disturbingly unhealthy, but it works for us.

 

our relationship is different. You saw that and saw how much I need him and he needs to be needed.

 

Huh? Sorry I was responding to the op.

 

do you also have a rationalization for letting that sucker pay child support for the kid he can't even see?

 

yea, its just how you wrote it. its icky.

 

depends on why he can't see the kid.

 

My husband has seen his daughter. Her mother has just moved away after Andy gets stationed to be near her.yes, he should pay child support-it is his child. I have never once begrudged it. That girl needs to grow-up knowing she had a father who made an effort and never thought she wasn't worth having her financial needs met by BOTH her mother and father.He made the decision to have sex. His ex was wrong in keeping his daughter from him, but he made the decision to have sex and not use protection.So, don't you dare call him a sucker when he is simply a REAL MAN who fulfills his obligations without complaint.

 

that's true. I'm totally ignorant of the situation.
but I don't know. if the reasons aren't listed I'll assume there are none.

 

I know. We all have our issues. Women with father issues have the potential to be incredibly clingy and manipulative to men they become seriously involved with.Seriously Chris, I wasn't lying a few years back when I told you I was a lot to take on.

 

why doesn't he see his daughter?

 

I don't buy that crap. I hate it when people blame their shortcomings on their parents. Sorry, but I do. People need to quit playing the blame game and just own up to the fact that they have insecurities and don't want to admit it. I could easily blame my body issues on my mom. I don't - you know why? Because I know that if I were truly secure with myself anything she could say wouldn't bother me.

 

Her mom shipped her off to private boarding school across the country. Then, we invited her to come visit and to take her shopping and all that, but she declined. I think she, as a teenager feels very uncomftrable around a father she didn't know existed (and vice-versa) until she was 8.Her mother won't let my husband have overnight visits with her and he doesn't want to pursue it in court. If she doesn't feel comftrable visiting him and her step-mother she has never met, then it is cruel to force her.We are moving closer to her next year and I advised Andy to keep it from her mother so her mom won't move her across the country again. Hopefully, they can solwly build a relationship. I don't think they will ever have a father-daughter type of relationship, but I really hope they become great friends.

 

Ang, I didn't know my dad until i was 21 and then he raped me several months later and said my mothers name during it. Recently, I've remembered things that happened during the short time he was in my life.Honestly, I should have not dated until my issues were resolved, but I wasn't strong enough and am now glad I wasn't.I will always have issues because of that. How can I not? I do blame him for my issues, but I remained being a functional full-time employee and student after it happened.I don't let it restrain me from contributing to society, but man I am fucked up and I wasn't fucked up before.

 

that's slightly confusing. when you say "her mom", you're referring to yourself, right? and I take it Andy is her father?

 

Ok that's a bit different...but I don't see how that would make you cling to a man. I just took my bad experience the other way. I have a hard time being close to any man, and I hate to be touched unless I want to be touched...in any way. I hate it when a guy just taps me on the shoulder....but I still see that as my shortcoming for giving the assholes that changed me power over me.

You can hate your dad, as you should. But don't ever let an asshole like that have any type of power over you. (Yes I know - I'm the pot calling the kettle black on this one)

 

No, Andy is my husband. He got a girl pregnant 15 years ago, didn't know about it and then the mother sued him for child-support when his daughter was 8.I have only been with Andy a little bit over a year.