Hello, my name is Mario, at the moment I am 34 years old, and i speak spanish, so, sorry if my english isn't good. I have not felt sexual desire for a long time, I started therapy, since this was frustrating me, and after a while, we discovered that this problem is related to a traumatic episode of my childhood. When I was about 10 years old, my foreskin was attached to the glans penis, so until then I had never been able to pull the skin back and expose the glans penis. My father, instead of taking me to a hospital or clinic, where they specialized in the matter, consulted with a doctor friend, who told him that they would most likely have to operate on me, but to avoid it he could come see me and see if he could " fix it". Therefore, one day this gentleman came to my house, and he "fixed" it, I really don't remember much of the process, but I do remember having suffered a lot while I was lying down and this gentleman gradually detach the foreskin and the glans penis (I remember that during the process i closed my eyes and bit something to endure the pain). After the process, both the glans and the foreskin were very damaged, turning from the typical pink color to a very dark red color. This clearly took several months to heal and change to a normal color, then it took several months until I stopped feeling pain, and then it took longer until I stop feeling afraid to touch myself. When I was approximately 17 years old, I started having sexual relations (even with a little fear the first few times), and I thought I had forgotten the matter, but it turns out that after 30, these memories come back to haunt me. Since it's something embarrassing, I never talked about it with anyone, neither with my friends, nor with my current partner, nor with my ex-partners, and that's why I'm writing it here, after all this I wonder several things: Is it normal for a boy to have the foreskin attached to the glans penis? If so, is it normal for this to happen at the age of 10 as a child? Is it normal for the process to be painful and leave wounds for so long? How do you see the fact that my father has decided to bring a doctor friend of his to our house, instead of taking me to a hospital, a clinic or a specialized center? Do you find it understandable or exaggerated that i have experienced this event as such a traumatic event?
Your trauma is entirely valid, that must have been a very painful and probably humiliating experience to have to go through. That sounds like negligence on the part of your father; based on my understanding and on what the doctor friend said, a delicate medical situation like that requires medical intervention and an operation by a professional in a sterile environment. If you are struggling with shame and traumatic feelings related to this, it might be best to talk about it with a counselor or therapist if you are able to. Sometimes, just getting it off your chest with someone who is paid to be neutral and nonjudgemental can help. That's been my personal experience, at least. Not everyone can afford a therapist, though, or has easy access to one, so I can understand your reluctance if you'd rather not seek one out.
I am so sorry that you had to endure that. Please do not feel shame or embarrassment for what happened to you. I know it is a hard thing to do but what happened is not your fault. You should have been brought to a real doctor, if this friend of your father's was a real medical doctor he would not have preformed this sort of procedure the way he did. I couldn't begin to speculate on why your father chose this course of action but people often have circumcisions done on babies in places like the home or a synagogue, maybe he thought it would be a similar procedure and would not be a big deal. Penile adhesion is fairly common, as is labia adhesion in female infants and children. Sometimes it can go away on its own, sometimes it can be resolved with the use of a prescribed hormone cream, occasionally surgery is required. Since all you know is that a disreputable "doctor" convinced your father that you would require surgery, I don't think you will ever be able to tell if you actually needed it or not. My youngest had a fused labia when they were about 3 years old and we were able to treat it with the cream, it was gone within a week and we just had to keep applying petroleum jelly to keep it from re-adhering while the skin fully healed.
