TR: New Years Eve!!! - MDMA + mushrooms + K + DMT :)

Title: "The place that is now, that has ended before the beginning"

MDMA: 120mg // MDMA: 60mg booster // MDMA: smoked on about 3 occasions // Ketamine: repeated // Cannabis: repeated // Mushroom tea: 1 gram // DMT: 30mg

New Years Eve: 2012 into 2013.

The characters involved in this story are myself, my good and long-time friend L, her boyfriend X (who I had begun to think didn't really like me much, though I didn't have any actual confirmation to base this on at the time [though since this time, I have been told that my suspicion was correct that he finds me "annoying"- go figure.. I have a feeling that it's because I am a bit overzealous about tryptamines]), and L's other good friend S (who was now my friend too). X was supplying all of the interesting things for the night. His available collection for the night consisted of MDMA, LSD, mushroom tea (psilocybe cubensis penis envy aborts), ketamine, DMT, plenty of cannabis and a bit of hash oil. It was going to be an epic night, that was for sure… but I wasn't sure what exactly was in store yet or what I would end up taking. Would I get carried away for the New Years Eve celebration? It is my favorite holiday, after all, as I love to revel in the sensation of the changing of times and reflect upon the past and plan for the future.

I knew that my motivation for going on this journey was for introspection, bonding with friends, spiritual experience, and to have a thought-provoking, out-of-this-world night. I think that X sees psychedelics more as "all about the visuals" and S seemed to see tripping as mainly just "getting high", but my good friend L seemed to have some similar motivations as I did for tripping tonight.

Previously: I had spent time these same friends about a week before when they were rolling (I was sober) on X's new batch of MDMA. The MDMA looked pretty waxy, was in big chunks and was of a light brown color. We had no testing kit available, so I had observed them all rolling together in hopes that I would be able to tell by their behavior whether their MDMA was pure or whether it might be speedy (ugh) or not real MDMA at all. However, they all seemed to be very relaxed yet talkative and loved up, which led me to conclude that it was probably real MDMA. Plus, X usually got exceptionally pure (and strong) stuff.

On New Years Eve, we got together and dropped our MDMA doses at around 11PM. I had 120mg as this is my favorite dosage, and I think my friends had a little bit more (two had around 140mg and one person had 160mg). We all were sitting in L's room just talking and having fun. I began to feel that overwhelming feeling of excitement and euphoria brought about merely by conversing with my friends, so I knew for sure that I was feeling the MDMA. I also began to revel and feel *incredibly* thankful for my life, my friends, and to be able to spend this night with them. We all were opening up to one another emotionally, as expected. It was, of course, beautiful. I continued talking to my friends, but after smoking some cannabis I began to trance out a bit as I was feeling very out-of-body in the way that I get on MDMA sometimes (not in the same way that I will soon discuss as on ketamine). Somebody brought out a bowl of MDMA to smoke, which I hadn't even known for sure was effective until this night. I watched a friend (now can't remember which friend) smoke the waxy material and it seemed to affect her for sure. X had claimed that his MDMA was smokable, as it was a certain kind (which I could see in the texture), but I can't remember now what kind he specified. Though I had discussed the idea of smoking MDMA with friends in the past and had wondered whether it worked or whether it was a waste, I decided to give it a try because it was not my MDMA to lose even if it didn't work. A bowl was filled and then passed to me. I think that my response was something like an exaggerated, "Thank you for the gift!!! " …I began to smoke it… and honestly, immediately got lost in the intense rush of euphoria. The pushiness of this euphoric warmth was interesting and more pronounced than the smooth empathetic feeling of oral MDMA that I was used to. I think that I went on a sort of trippy autopilot binge and just continued smoking and smoking it until I finished the bowl. I couldn't help it I guess, because of the way I felt (plus, I lost track of what I was doing anyway). I was pretty tranced out and in a warm cloud of wonder, but right as I was beginning to come down a little bit from the smoked present, I realized that the New Year was coming! X lives out in the country, so we suddenly heard gunshots going off outside. It really alarmed me at first, hearing all of these gunshots and fireworks going off! I had never been in a setting where people just ran outside and fired rounds into the air for holidays, so this was amusing and novel to me. Strangely enough, I became excited and went to the front door with my friends. X actually took his rifle outside (which I hadn't known existed) and fired it twice into the sky. It was all pretty funny and overwhelming to me. I called my boyfriend and told him "Happy New Year!" and that I loved him and hoped he was having a good celebration. (He wasn't around because I was currently in my hometown, visiting my parents half the country away from him.) I got off the phone after that because I didn't want to be spending my night on the phone, needless to say.

I philosophized a bit at this point and thought about how it was interesting that for New Year's Eve and especially the 4th of July, violence is, in a way, commemorated and celebrated. I wondered why this was? Even though I thought (and still think) that it's messed up in a way that people celebrate violence (or victory through violence, more so), I remembered my own excitement moments before from when all the noise was going on. I thought about how this form of celebration must have something to do with the pride of "the rocket's red glare" in reference to America's war victories.. but I wasn't sure what the significance was for NYE. I guess that it was just symbolic for a bunch of people either literally, or in a more watered-down sense, celebrating and losing control in chaos and madness. Ah, what a holiday!

I thought about the past year and felt so appreciative of my life. Those waves of genuine appreciation and excitement at the tiniest things washed over me, accompanied by a perceived deep understanding of my friends' words, actions and feelings (and further, an extremely zealous willingness to learn how to understand if I did not already). That certain feeling you only get with MDMA, in other words. I loved reflecting on the past year and being appreciative of everything that had happened and everywhere that I was going to go in the future; everything that I was going to experience. It was extremely sentimental and meaningful for me.

Everyone was laying together and talking about interesting things. Everybody was so willing to help one another in any way that was needed at the time. It was just a beautiful night of talking and bonding, and I didn't even feel anymore like X disliked me at this point because he was being so generous and sweet. He offered me a re-dose of oral MDMA (about 60mg) as it was just the right time for this (according to the reports of many, even in those of clinical trial therapy), and I partook. Also, a little after this he passed me another big bowl of MDMA to smoke. I knew then that it could very well just be the MDMA making him act nice to me even if he didn't like me, but I didn't even mind. I just took him as he was in the moment, judging him as he was at the time. He was a friend who was behaving in a caring, generous and affectionate way, and if he didn't normally like me, it was okay… not everybody likes everybody. Because I knew very well that I had always been nice to him, I figured maybe he had some hang-ups of his own or maybe there were some strange things I did that just unexplainably irked him. Maybe I was too annoyingly enthusiastic for him and rubbed him the wrong way. Either way, I understood that he couldn't help the way he felt. It was okay if he didn't like me, but I was happy that he was being nice right now. The Present moment was all that mattered, and I knew that I could extend it into the future and experience or appreciate it at any moment just by accessing these memories of the Now. "Choose the eternal moment that you want to operate by, for any circumstance," was something that I thought. It is hard to convey in words. To help provoke more understanding, the concept reminds me of that quote in "The Beach".. ____. At some point, I had a couple of "dabs" (that's what they called it) of hash oil. This was pretty interesting, and seemed much stronger than regular cannabis.

X put the ketamine out for me and S, and from this point on I kept having more bumps of K about every half an hour to hour or so, as having the K with the MDMA actually felt extremely amazing and not merely just in a chemical way, but in a way that provoked a whole lot of thought and otherworldly perspective. I was sent into full on out of body experiences and dreamlike sequences whenever I did this. It felt very spiritual to me, but in a way that was focused more on boundlessness and freedom than interconnectedness and oneness (as most spiritual experiences I have with tryptamines tend to be focused on). I was trancing out quite a bit at this point, as my friends mostly were talking to one another and I was too far out there to hold a conversation.. I knew that if I tried to speak, I would have started finishing my sentences with snippets that made no sense, referring to whatever I was experiencing in my OBE at the time (this has happened before, so this time I didn't even try). I forgot completely that I had taken a redose of MDMA, and when I felt it I remembered and was pleasantly surprised. Yay! I remember one of my friends (S) saying, "I wanna be where *she* is!" and pointing at me, and it was pretty much like a classic out of body experience where I could see her pointing at me from somewhere else in the room, yet my eyes were closed. X told her that it was mainly the ketamine that was making me feel so out of this dimension, and not so much the MDMA. Though I was sort of "gone" still, shortly after this remark, I felt S lay next to me. I'm not sure how I knew exactly that she had done some K and joined me in my sort of headspace / out-of-bodiness, but it seemed that her wavelength was now matching mine and I could easily feel it. Soon, she made a comment about how she really liked the K, which confirmed this. I think this was her first time trying it.

To my delight, somebody brought out the mushroom tea. I had read a few reports online of people who took mushrooms around the tail end of an MDMA experience, and for most of them it seemed to prolong the MDMA-ish feeling throughout the trip, but add a lot of psychedelia. Made sense to me. I decided to have a little bit (only about 1 gram because I had seen people taking these mushrooms before.. they were less sensitive to psychedelics than I was and had only been taking about 2 grams and having pretty strong experiences for that dosage… so I figured that 1g would be just fine for me. I knew that it would synergize with the MDMA and the K that I would be having, so I knew I didn't need to overdo it (as I was possibly already "overdoing" a lot of other things!)… As I waited for the come-up and then began to feel it, I smoked another bowl or two of the MDMA... absolute bliss. I soon checked the time and found myself about 5 hours into the experience (which had been extended), so I decided not to have any more MDMA after this. Also, I kept having more and more K… I forgot again that I had consumed the mushroom tea, until I started feeling the familiar tryptamine feelings. Once again, a very pleasant surprise! I just loved how I kept surprising myself! I think that I tranced out WAY more after this, so this part of the experience (especially as I am writing this nearly 9 months after the occasion) is a bit cloudy to me. I know that it was amazing and I felt like I was a spectator from afar, watching the universe unfold.

At some point, X and I were in the living room while L and S talked about things in L's room. They had just drank some LSD Kool-aid (and I think they had also redosed on MDMA for a second time, too) and seemed to be more grounded "in this reality" than I was. I was the only one who refrained from the LSD and the MDMA redose because I didn't want to be up tripping for 12 more hours starting after an MDMA experience, or have a nasty comedown. X and I had both had some more K, so we were just trancing out and talking here and there.

X brought out some synthetic DMT that I had sampled briefly at a low dose the other day. I believed that it was synthetic, because first off he claimed that it was.. but it also looked PURE white and grainy, unlike any DMT I had seen before. When I had sampled it before, it hadn't tasted flowery like the extracted DMT I had always done in the past had been. The smoke was also a lot less harsh and the experience had felt even cleaner than usual. After X blasted off himself and spoke of seeing astral coral reefs, he brought me my own bowl of DMT and told me that it was another gift. I was so thankful because DMT has a special place in my heart! I was already so tranced out and already a spectator on the edge of the universe, so I didn't feel like I had to meditate or anything before the DMT… it just felt like it was really, truly meant to happen right then. I think it was about 30mg of DMT. After taking a few hits, I continued to be a spectator and watched the universe and our lives be reborn and transform through their different stages. A strange watercolor-esque dance depicted abstractions related to this concept. I could feel the various electrical charges and energies pulsing through everything; the interconnectedness. Though it all felt like a "system", it was still so Divine. The boundlessness was just so beautiful, I couldn't even believe it and "lost myself to astonishment" (even though Terence McKenna says you aren't supposed to do that!) This DMT experience did not produce any feelings of "entities" or communication with them, but it was rather a psychological "being" experience". A very colorful one!

Throughout the rest of my mushroom experience (with an ever-present MDMA glow), I had more K (of course) and tranced out (as usual). At some point, we split up into groups of 2 as L and X retreated to the bedroom. I was getting a bit tired at this point, as I was starting to come down from the mushrooms and MDMA-ish feeling. Still no unpleasant come down whatsoever! Just a gentle drop off in effects. I slept in the living room with S, who had taken LSD but seemed to almost be asleep as she was unresponsive (it was nearly 9AM by this point). I think at this point, the mushrooms had mostly worn off. I had one final bump of K, smoked a last bowl (I had been smoking bowls repeatedly throughout the experience), and soon drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, er.. evening, my dad came to pick me up after I woke up around nearly 5PM. I still felt such an afterglow from the night before, and felt refreshed at the sheer boundlessness I had experienced the night before. So tired… but so, so happy and rejuvenated! On the car ride home, my dad told me a bit about the NYE that he and my mom had experienced, and somehow my dad started talking about a song by The Byrds called "5D", on their album "Fifth Dimension". I'd heard my dad play or sing this song in passing years before, but hadn't really noticed the lyrics.

He sang a verse to me again: "Oh how is it that I could come out to you, and be still floatin', and never hit bottom but keep falling through, just relaxed and paying attention?" …and when I heard this, I knew they were referring to that same boundlessness that I had found myself enraptured in just the night/morning before.

Later that evening, as I sat around the fireplace with my parents, my dad played this song. It was so bittersweet, and reminded me so much of the night before. It captured the very essence of that place outside the boundaries of this "reality" that we always return to; that place that I truly call home. I don't think anybody saw, but a tear rolled down my cheek. It may have been partially because I was already homesick for the astral plane, but I think that mainly it was just because I knew how true the song was. I knew and felt the secret of how beautiful existence really was. And ahhh, the Boundlessness!

"Oh how is it that I could come out to you
and be still floatin',
and never hit bottom but keep falling through,
just relaxed and paying attention?

All my two-dimensional boundaries were gone,
I had lost to them badly..
I saw that world crumble and thought I was dead,
But I found my senses still working.

And as I continued to drop through the hole,
I found all surrounding,
To show me that joy innocently is,
Just be quiet and feel it around you.

And I opened my heart to the whole universe,
And I found it was loving,
And I saw the great blunder my teachers had made,
Scientific delirium madness.

I will keep falling as long as I live,
Ah, without ending,
And I will remember the place that is now,
That has ended before the beginning…"

~The Byrds - 5D~
Listen here!: [ame]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D5XuMWRHGU8