Top/bottom/ active/passive (merged)

Thanks, thats comforting to know, I'll be sure to make it consensual and safe when the time comes for me

 

I'm the girl lol. My bf is very masculine

 

I think you raised a good question. From the discussion, it seems a lot of us have felt pigeonholed by the misunderstanging of gender roles in gay relationships.

I can totally see where that question would come up, especially from someone who has never experienced same-sex activity. Thanks for posing the question.

I tend to agree with Matt. Have you considered that one can be male and submissive or male and dominate. I can't just change my gender (ask any transgendered person who has tried..)

I primarily like being an aggressive bottom. However, depending on the person, I've really enjoyed topping. I think a lot of it depends on mood an chemistry.

What do others think?

 

I take back my last statement... I'm completley versatile, and prefer to be with someone who is also versatile.

 

Me and my partner are far beyond stereotypical gender roles. Our gender is fluid, one can actually cause the other's gender to change. Sometimes I'm a butch and she's a femme; other times, we're both tomboys. For the most part, I would fall under the classification of high femme and she would be considered a tomboi. I enjoy being led, being the "girl" in the relationship... having a gentleman (or gentlebutch, in this case ) who demonstrates faith in the concept of chivalry. I'm into traditional roles, but not from a gender perspective... more from one of values.

I treasure the fact that my partner opens doors for me, that she lights my cigarette for me, that she makes me feel protected; that she treats me with the utmost respect. None of this is because "she's the guy and I'm the girl," it's because we are who we are; we love eachother for who they are. In fact, we don't use descriptors like "femme" or "butch," we are comfortable with defining ourselves merely as: me. Alright, here's the real kicker: we identify ourselves as a lesbian couple when asked by someone. From a biological standpoint, we aren't technically a homosexual couple. You see, I'm a pre-op MTF, but only from a medical standpoint; I have never felt myself to be "trans" or any other variant of that term.

My partner sees me for who I am: a female (although, I no longer use the gender binary; the occurance of intersex really opened my eyes...), through and through. On every single level, my femininity (*shudder* I hate using social norms to describe myself...) is tangible and easily felt; it is in my every movement. Yet, at times, I could be considered to be "masculine" (since you can't be aggressive/assertive and be considered feminine at the same time... *rolls eyes*), but I'm not a male. Males/men don't own masculinity (which doesn't own aggresiveness/assertiveness, might I add), just as they don't own the dominant/active/whatever role in a relationship.

Roles in a relationship need to be negotiated; it is best when little to no change is required from either party in order to have an ideal give and take situation. That is how it is between my partner and me, but it also changes; we can experience several different dynamics in the course of one day: butch and femme, femme and tomboy, tomboy and tomboi, daddy and baby girl... We are in a league of our own; one which does not depend upon the recognition of others.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is: I guess you could say I'm "the girl." I'm not always "the girl," but it tends to be the set of gender roles I am most comfortable with.

EDIT: As for the bedroom, it's all over the place for me... It depends on how either of us feel at the time.

 

eh, i'm either or. depends on who I'm with. I prefer to be the "girl" in the relationship, though.

 

i like to be both depends on my mood...like right now if someone were here id love a hard ass pounding deep and long man that'd feel nice

 

We are both the guy