Top/bottom/ active/passive (merged)

Well, I disagree with Panzer, I don't think it's selfish to be one or the other.

I am generally a top. I don't enjoy being the bottom. It's supposed to be pleasurable, and I don't receive any pleasure, so I don't do it. That doesn't mean I won't, but it's not something I enjoy doing.

However, I wish I was versatile, It's just not my thing.

 

I really don't buy into the whole idea of someone being just a top or bottom. I know there are a few guys who really are just a top but that's rare. I have met too many guys that said they were top's but once you get them in the bedroom they become amours dick loving bottoms.
Besides I always make it clear that in the bedroom I like switching positions and I've never had anyone turn me down.
The best thing about switching is no one feels cheated at the end of the night

The only thing that is "selfish and close-minded" is when the guy on top shoots his load and doesn't make sure the other guy gets off, that's just plain arrogant, rude and self-serving.

The only time I won't let another guy pop my butt is if he has a huge dick, my butt is very tight and I plan to keep it that way.

 

I am versatile, but in this way. If I am with a very feminine guy or with a transsexual, I'm going to be both top and bottom. If I am with a masculine (yet gentle) man, then I am bottom only.

 

.Panzer,

There are many dynamics in sexual relationships. Top or Bottom, Give or Receive, do or done are different names for one kind of dynamic. (we also have to concider love, spirit as well as immediate physical concerns) I won't try to explain why folks have different ways of approaching these dynamics. Some 'liberated' women believe that if they are on the bottom they are submitting to oppression, but if they are on top, their partner is not. I don't get it -but I don't have to.

You believe that top/bottom is "close-minded and selfish." I could never say that. I do think alot of gay folks develop more equal relationships, though. That is a lesson we can share with the mundane world. However, the dynamics and general "pleasure" of the sexual act is far more complicated than a manifesto of equality.

I can go either way, but don't tell my boyfriend. I am always reluctant to relinquish being on the bottom. For a very simple reason -because after I do, my lovers never want to be on top again.
.

 

The bigger question, I believe most of here to have, is this: why do your lovers not want to be on top again? Because you're tight (I doubt it, LOL). You scream too much? (like that flaming fag on The Bird Cage) You fart with each thrust? (just how to throw that out there, LOL).

 

I too disagree with panzer and sassss.

how is it selfish to be one or the other if that is your nature ?

I am a total bottom, I have always been one, even before I first had sex I knew I wanted to be the receiver, the one dominated, the bottom. it is what I like and I don't feel selfish. I am giving myself to my lover, mind - body - spirit, he is a total top. he also likes to dominate and I like to be dominated, in short we have a symbiotic relationship. he did bottom once and didn't like it, not because he wasn't in control it was that he didn't like the physical feeling of being the receiver.

 

bi4ever asks:
"why do your lovers not want to be on top again?"
. "Because you're tight" (I doubt it, LOL).
Listen, being tight (Kegels), makes them want to be on top, silly.
. "You scream too much? (like that flaming fag on The Bird Cage)"
I don't scream like that, but I probably do scream too much when I'm being...
. "You fart with each thrust?"
I thought real men liked that!

Okay, to answer your question, just bend over and I'll show you why my boyfriends never want to be on top again.

 

Never had sex. But I bet I'd be pretty versatile.

 

I'm generally a top, but I'd bottom for the right person.

 

I've never had anal sex yet either, but I definitely identify as versatile.

I can believe that being a total top or bottom can be selfish, but only if a person decides to always be dominant or submissive and never give the other person a chance. I don't really find it wrong to prefer one or the other.

I once read a statistic that said that 50% of gay men do not enjoy anal sex. So I can't say for myself that all gay men should be versatile. All I know is that I would prefer to be with a guy who is.

 

Hmm, well, although people won't like this, I'll explain my self further. To me anyone who looks at a relationship as a chance to "dominate" or be "dominated" doesn't really know what love is and often has some emotional issues.

 

LoL I'm def a bottom.. But i'm a fem.. Umm.. Well ever since I was young I always looked at life from a womans point of view.. I can never picture myself being top.. I need a man.. HAHAHA

 

for my situation I like being dominated and he likes dominating in the bedroom in other words sexually, out side of the bedroom we have a very "normal" relationship - give and take .. we love each other and see to each others well being.

also I do not have emotional issues ! Not everyone fits into a mold

 

Top usually...

 

Hi Tx Barefoot, I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I didn't mean to say it was "selfish" to be strickly a Top or Bottom what I wanted to express is that its rare that someone really is totally just a Top or Bottom.

Let me put it this way, I have for the most part considered myself to be a top. However, there are times I like being the bottom as well, lets face it, it feels good, very good when someone you truly care about wheather its a boyfriend or just your bestfriend who is sticking it in your butt and riding your ass like a Pogo stick (hahaha.)

The real point I was trying to make is that when two guys in a bedroom switch positions the sex is sooooo much more enjoyable, the sex lasts a lot longer, no one feels cheated and you both get to cum.

I know from what you wrote that you are a total bottom and your boyfriend is a total top. However, the point I was making is that NOT everyone feels the same. You, Me and everyone else can only speak from our own personal experiences and all I'm saying is that from my OWN personal experiences when guys switch positions everyone gets what they want and from my OWN personal exprience the sex is more pleasing, gratifying and enjoyable.

No offense TxBarefoot but I don't look at being a bottom as "being dominated", I just enjoy the physical and sensual sensations but the same thing applies to when I top a guy, I just like how his tight ass feels wrapped around my dick while I'm sliding up and down inside his ass. From what you wrote its all about being submissive and dominated and that's great for you, but for me its all about the sexual experience and giving and receiving in order to make sure the one you are with including yourself is satisfied; sexually and mentally.

That's not to say I'm right and you are wrong sex is a state of mind or how we preceive it to be.

 

Hey Sassss,

thats cool, I guess I just took it the wrong way.

No offense taken, from MY experience completely giving myself to my lover is being "dominated" by him because I am giving him all: mind, body, soul, spirit

my use of dominated isn't as used in bds&m

 

.
I posted this before, (sorry I don't have the link to that post) anyway, some of you have read this, to those who haven't it relates to this topic:

Here's a link to a recent study of chat room dudes, "Beyond Tops and Bottoms". It's all about Tops and Bottoms and the "Correlations between Sex-Role Preference and Physical Preferences for Partners among Gay Men" The study details what is the preferred "body type" for a gay male Top or Bottom. Equally interesting is the even distribution of preference, top or bottom. I always thought there were more bottoms out there. (I guess i'm just more aware of the competition. )
.

 

Cool link, thanks.

 

I wasn't sure if i should post this thread in this genre, but i am confused so here it is.

I've never been in a relationship with another man 'cause i am still in the closet, but i do fantasize being with other men. I prefer seeing myself as the "submissive" one as I guess im more in touch with my emotions etc and i prefer seeing myself to be spooned rather than giving a spoon.

Anyway, I've never really known about the whole "on top" or "on the bottom" thing, I haven't fully decided what i prefer and im about 50/50 on the decision. Same goes for "anal sex", I'm unsure of who does what first.

 

its completely up to the persons preference I know very masculine guys that liked to be fucked by fem guys, the only rule when it comes to sexuality is make sure its consensual and safe
S