Too ashamed to confide about this problem

For one reason or another I ended up watching semi-weird porn, and saw a link to a video that was completely weird. Let's just say the word 'death' was contained in the title. I know it sounds strange, but I felt compulsed to watch it, even though I didn't want to, just to confirm no one actually died.

It appeared to show a guy get murdered by a girl as he lay on the ground with his hands restricted. I re-watched the part where he appeared to die, as well as the part there after, just to see if there was any sign of life in him (if he were pretending), but there wasn't! As he lay flat on his back, he didn't appear to be breathing at all. There was no warning at the start of the video, as you might expect, that no one was harmed or whatever. I didn't sleep right the night after it. It's not every day that you think you've just seen a murder. But it's not that that bothers me. It's the fact that I can't confide in anyone due to the shame of what I was doing in the first place.

It got me so down that I was even considering telling my father (who I'm living with) just to be able to get the weight off me. I couldn't bare the thought of telling him though. He'd always look at me differently. However a few weeks have passed now and I'm feeling somewhat better. But I do want to report it somehow.

When I emailed the website (xfantasy) I got no response. However the link for this video is now no longer active. I didn't actually say that they should take down the video in my email, but in a way I'm glad the video it's been taken down as otherwise I would have been forcing myself to look at something that I don't like each time I had a knew thought about it. Only thing is that I would have been able to get a better idea as to whether it was faked or not if I watched it again. I would actually prefer if it was active now, as it won't be very convincing reporting it if the link isn't active.

Anyway, the same girl seems to have done a lot of dominatrix videos online. I could look up more about her, but that might involve seeing more things that I would regret. I could watch them in order to know more about her and if she's the sort who's likely to have actually killed someone, but I'd rather not. In the video I saw, both the guy and the girl were identifiable, and I decided to take a screen shots; one of a close up of a tattoo on the guy, and another of a close up of the girl's face.

In the video, there was the name of the website (sizu520.com) in the corner of the video, and when I looked up this website it didn't appear to be active. But from findmyipaddress.com it shows that the server for this is located in Hong Kong. There was also a code underneath the website name, and once I googled that code it seemed to bring up stuff that's related to her other videos, which i quickly looked away from. If the server is located in Hong Kong, does this mean that if I were to report it that I should report it to the Hong Kong police. Luckily they speak English in Hong Kong and their website appears quite user friendly as you can see in the link below. Although I think the girl in the video could be Vietnamese also.

e-Report Centre Police Public Page

It's probably silly but I really don't feel comfortable sending email to report this, using my own personal email address (as opposed to from an anonymous email). But it might be the only way that I can clear my conscious of this. At least using my own email address would mean that I could send a read receipt.

It's at times like this that you realise that tthere must be benefits to being a sociopath... that way I could look at such a video and not give a shit about what might have happened!

Please share your thoughts? Thank you

 

Anyone?

 

If you feel you must report it set up a gmail or similar email account and send your report that way. Then deactivate the email.

 

OMG. vERY DISTRESSING!

 

Would you feel you would need to report it?

 

I couldn't answer that question without seeing it myself - something I have no desire to do.

 

That must have been really distressing I'm sorry.

I really don't know what the best way to report it might be. Perhaps the hosting company has already done this as it was removed?

Hopefully it was just a very convincing fake, although even that can be traumatizing.

I hope you're doing OK! X