Too Afraid To Even Have Friends, Let Alone Lovers

The title pretty much says it all. It's difficult to explain, but after many years of rough friendships and betrayals and terrible inner drama, I've become so numb and fearful of rejection and pain that I can't see myself making new friends ever again, and have even started cutting myself from old friends for personal reasons, to prevent the inevitable collapse that our friendship would surely go through at some point. I feel like I'm toxic, like I repel everyone I try to get close to, and poison and corrupt the ones who stay with me too long. I'm such a terrible person inside, I'm a bad influence on others and at this point I truly believe I don't deserve to have friends at all. How can someone like me ever find love, when I'm so completely rotten inside? My inner demons will haunt me forever, and I know I can never find a place for myself in this world because of them. I have no choice but to hide the truth from everyone, and hide myself away in isolation for the sake of myself and others...

 

I think you sound like a nice person. You should not over-think any problem. You might be right about your relationship with one person and wrong about another. A lot of people are only motivated by their own self interest. So, you can avoid that kind and seek to be friends with people who share, people with a sense of community.

 

I know the feeling. Though I'm not sure what I could say to make it easier. I, on the other hand, feel like everyone else is toxic and their toxicity has rubbed off onto me. It's weird as you get older. It was so easy to make friends while I was in school. I even had a realization while I was attending community college, how I would talk to people on occasion, but would rarely make friends out of school (if at all) unless we were already 'friends' to begin with.

It seems that the word 'friend' has such a loosely formed definition these days. As time goes on, and people make something of their lives or don't, they either move on and out of town to better horizons for themselves or continue living in the same way making slow steps, but always counting on others for certain things. After a while, that starts to really piss me off and I don't know how to handle that type of situation, so I just find a way to retreat or run them off for a while. 'Come back later and try again' lol.

Life has become quite strange, but it will be okay. We always find a way to adapt. Sometimes it just takes a lot of effort. Trial and error error error.

But, every once in a while... Success!!

 

It's difficult to find a "friend" sometimes people you thought were friends, let you down badly, and it has a marked effect on you with people in the future, so much so, you don't let people get close, then you think it's their doing, not realising what you have done, it's not a problem that can't be fixed.
You would benefit by counseling, give it a go, you worry too much, I would love for you to see, it can be ok..

Good luck, I agree, you seem like a nice thoughtful person, don't hide away, get help!

 

Hi there Questy.

I think that over the course of our lives, we all get hurt sometimes by friends, lovers, family, etc. but the trick is to learn from whatever has happened and do whatever you can to stop it happening to you again. I know it's easier said than done but consider these points;

1. If whatever has happened is your fault, then it should be within your control to stop yourself from making the same mistake.
2. If it's somebody else's fault, then that's it! It's their fault NOT yours so don't beat yourself up for something that you may not have been able to prevent.
3. Sometimes things 'just happen', for no obvious reason. In this case, it doesn't do to over-analyze things (most of us are REALLY good at over-thinking stuff!) so it's best to try to forget what's happened, move on and start again.

I'm hardly a qualified counsellor or expert by any stretch of the imagination but I hope what I've said above makes some sense Questy.

I've liked morrow's post too because Mrs. Morrow talks a LOT of sense. Good Luck.

 

I think its sometimes difficult to with most of us working full time jobs to sustain friendships.Sounds like an excuse but I was working 4 days of 12 hr shifts so meeting up with friends on work nights was a no gn my 4 days off,yes sometimes,but then they'd be working!
You do have to learn to trust people though.Some people you just click with,others fall to the wayside.I dont know whats happened in your past for you to think you're rotten inside.Maybe do some work on forgiving those/yourself,and move on so to speak.Life's too short to be lonely.