Toddlers or Preschoolers Reaction to New Baby or Soon to be Arrival of New Baby

So, this thread is for two reasons ... for one, I'm wondering how anyone else's young child or children reacted to a soon to be new baby AND the arrival of a new baby... (2 yr olds, 3 yr olds, 4, 5 years etc.)

(Also if anyone has any, not heard all the time, advice for a smooth transition for the older child for the arrival.)

And also I'm just feeling super happy and proud of my three and a half year old boy right now. I feel so satisfied that I have done something right in helping him to grow up so far into being a kind, loving, sweet child and someday a man of all those traits. First of all it seems like he is taking steps every day becoming more mature and grown up and well behaved but that is neither here nor there. Just some unrelated things that have me feeling super happy and like I am doing something right.

The new baby is due in pretty much 2 months now. My son has known about it since a couple weeks after I knew about it. At first he was indifferent really. He was never hostile or jealous acting but at the beginning, it was at times a mix of not understanding and not really caring much if at all.

Lately though it's been a new thing or three every day that just makes my heart melt. He lines up his toy vehicles and has them go down specific highways and go places (pretend play- after the beach they always drove down route 1 to the beach, etc.)- Now all the vehicles are driving to the hospital because all the mommys in them are ready to have babies.

When we had cuddle time (he doesn't nap but we try to rest... I need it, lol!) yesterday... he took two of his stuffed animals- a dog and a whale and said one of them was a brother and one of them was a sister and "aww, they love each other and love to cuddle, they're so cute!"

He told his new friend yesterday also at the library that "my baby sister is in my mommy's belly!"---all full of pride.

He LOVED picking up his present to give the baby when she's born.
He loves what's gonna be the babies name.
He recently rounded up a bunch of his, little younger seeming, toys and said "I don't need them anymore-they're for the baby"...
And he always talks about the songs he's going to sing to her, the things he's going to teach her, how he's going to read to her, etc.
Oh! Another one is a few days ago he brought me an apple and said "Here's a nice healthy apple for you to eat to feed to the baby" (see, sweet, caring child!)

In any case... it seems like he's just so loving and sweet about it (like he is about everything really) and I don't think there will be any issues (jealousy and stuff) when she gets here.


Wondering if he'll still stay the same way when she gets here. What was anyone else's experience for arrival of the second when the first one was still small?

 

My father, my 3 1/2 yr. old son, and his new baby sister.



Never a problem at all.

 

My oldest daughter was a month from 3 when my youngest was born. We watched a lot of birth videos together and just talked about it all. She got used to being around other people a lot during my pregnancy and I explained to her and showed her that the baby would need my attention and energy a lot, including during pregnancy. I think helping her to feel more self-sufficient was important, so I made sure she learned some activities she could do on her own and made sure she had the ability to get snacks on her own.

Once my youngest was born, the hardest part was putting the two to bed together at the same time. I'd say do everything you can to get him to get interested in being a helper, having secrets between you (so he feels special and realizes he is different from the baby, and not replaced by the baby), and help him to understand the idea of caring, sacrifice and patience.

I don't think jealousy really happened until my youngest became much older and interested in the same things as my oldest.

 

most important thing to do is include him in caring for his new sister and be certain to make regular time daily for just you and him without sister around and not just during the babies naptime, because when she wakes, that ends his time with you and will quickly lead to jealousy.
If you can hand the baby off to someone else specifically to spend time with him, that will send him the message that he is still special to you.

 

Also, that's really sweet, I think 3-ish is a great age to become an older sibling. The title of big brother/big sister is also something to be proud of for a little one. My daughter had a big sister shirt, that she still loves. He sounds like he's ready and he's going to be a good big brother.

 

Aww, adorable, Aeri. And he has such the sweetest smile on his face like he really loves the baby and thinks the baby is so cute.

Thanks so much for the tips and sharing your experience w it.

Yea I mentioned in my op that I'm also just feeling super happy w Cason right now because in addition to him showing all kinds of wonderful loving and caring traits... he's also growing up so quickly and being so brave and stuff now. It seems like ever since I started talking to him about how he's turning 3.5 in a week he's really decided "okay I'm gonna be the big boy now and let the baby be the baby" (altho he still loves to cuddle and be mommys baby too)... he went to a doc appt today and 6 months ago for his appt he was freaking out, scared, crying. Today he was a little man. Sitting still for blood pressure cuff, following all directions and just talking calmly and maturely to the doctor and nurse. And kinda making it a game (all day long he wanted to be called Nurse. Not doctor but nurse, haha.)
All the sudden he wants to go to the potty by himself w the door shut and every time too (which before it was most of the time, with help) and all kinds of stuff... staying in his bed to sleep. Helping sweep and mop the floor.

Anyways we have really explained to him about how he'll be a helper for the baby... and help teach her things and all. I really think he will do well but I am def gonna make sure to have enough of our own special times still and stuff just for him and all. Even now when we talk about my pregnancy I make sure to tell him stuff about when he was in there. Show him pictures of that.... told him yesterday about how he must have liked ice cream even then cause mommy ate ice cream all the time when he was in there, lol.

And thanks to you also. Yea, I think hubby and I will have to make sure to take turns with things like- daddy stays here with baby and I take Cason somewhere and vice versa. And also when my mom and mother in law watch Cason I'll set it up that sometimes, sure, they can take both (need me time now and then of course) but also times where they take one or the other to be able to do more child specific stuff. Anyways def something to keep in mind.

 

Thanks.

Yea I tell him all the time he's going to be a great big brother. Now because I mean it... at first it was that positive reinforcement thing- you know when I didn't really know yet but wanted to help ensure it would be so. haha.

Anyways he likes the title. (I think hence the example of what he said about his stuffed animals). I saw some shirts like that when I was on vacay at the beach last month.... I didn't get one though because they were in this trendy little shop, where although I loved the stuff they had, I wasn't gonna pay $34 for a t-shirt for a three year old.

But I can look for a cheaper one!

 

Mine were 370 days apart. I made an effort to include Mia in everything from the time Kieran was born. She use to fuss over him like a little mother hen.

I totally agree with Nox in that I would hand Kieran off to his Dad and work at having just mommy time with Mia as well. It worked for us and there did not seem to be resentment in any way. Even the dogs just seemed to accept it was another in the litter and it was fine.

Spend some one on one time with them when you can as it matters that they know they are individuals as well. Remember that 15 minutes to a little person is a long time so a story, bath time, sandbox, making a treat, a show they love all make for me time.

Remember to spend some one on one time on Trish as well as without you being fine, no one else will be.

 

wow, no rest for the wicked I suppose

actually you are the antithesis of wicked.:love:

 

Medically I had a fairly short window for having them. So as soon as I was cleared for having a second one, well we kinda worked on that and did.

My sister had twins 6 months after I had Kieran, so it was a busy baby time for all of us. Mom went from having no grand babies to having four in 36 months. It was a blast!

 

Thanks Heather.

Yes I think the once the baby gets here (as I think I have prepped w Cason very well-done about what I can do and can already see results-for the beforehand), what you and Nox mentioned about the one on one time is def one of the most important parts that will determine how things go. (As well as what honey said about the including him and having him feel independence part. all great advice...)-
It's good that you reminded me that even shorter time periods to do one on one stuff count for younger kids- with, you know, only so many hours in a day and stuff.

Oh and thanks for the last part. If I can deal with the lack of sleep I'll be fine... lol. They all tell you "nap when the baby naps!!!"...and with Case I took for granted the possibility of that- now it's like "sigh, Cason, why don't you take naps anymore?" ...haha thinking about how esp when you nurse babies, which I'm sure I'll do again, they need to be fed every 3 hours or so overnight. (and how D works third shift). I'll be okay. I think mom's become more capable of functioning on lack of sleep after babies come.

 

These are gems...a little bit goes a long way, as long as it's focused, quality time, no interruptions, go with the flow, be intuitive to his needs, etc.

And spending time on you...so, so, so, so important, especially with two!

 

In a way I think it's a good thing to just get it all over with at once. Be done giving birth. Get all the diapers and stuff over with at once. Have them close in age so they have more in common in that way.

Right now I'm debating whether or not I want a third... because if I do--- I turn 34 in about 3 weeks- it would pretty much have to be that I get pregnant again within a year... year and a half...after this one... (I personally don't wanna be having kids much older than 35- too many risks).

Dunno. Kinda sad to think no more babies after this one... haha

 

The lack of sleep you will compensate for as we all somehow do. Looking back I have no idea how but it is amazing what we manage to do. Sleep when you can and learn to also let little things go that right now you would not. A happy family is one that also works on the schedule of the little ones not the one that the adult wants. That was the lesson for me, to let that load of laundry wait or to settle sometimes for something not being done when I really hoped to do it. It worked. You are going to do great!!

I hear you as when we decided to not take any chances and try for a third and my only regret was that I would not ever feel a baby move inside me again. I came to terms with that as it was important to be alive to raise them but I still remember the feeling of them and it still brings me to a weak in the knees place. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to be a mom as it has been the most rewarding experience.

 

Yea I can totally relate to that. And I already at times feel a little sad thinking about how not only is Cason growing up and soon will be going to .... school... and not mommy's cuddly little boy here with me all the time... but already at times remembering, thinking back on him being a baby and missing those times. Although he's still super cuddly and my baby so...it's not bad yet but anyways, yea, the being pregnant thing and just love having babies and little tiny ones around.

But yes... indeed. Glad you decided to play it safe and be there for the ones you had! And yes, being a mom is honestly the best thing in the whole world in my opinion. I think with me part of it stems from me having had wanted to be one for so long and originally having so many problems achieving that. I truly thought it would never happen so I've never taken it for granted and have always been grateful for it.

 

I agree that having a baby once your little one is about 3 sounds like a good spacing..child is old enough to understand and feel like they can help etc.. My kids are 22 months apart and she is great with her sister but is still young and sometimes I wonder if my toddlers lack of interest in potty training has something to do with new baby in diapers