Are you like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally"? Last time with my current buddy we were deep in the throes of passion and I was nearing completion. I knew she hadn't yet. I unloaded inside her as I couldn't take it any more. That was the end of our session. As we were getting dressed I recalled times with other partners where we were done once I ejaculated. I asked her about it wondering if she needed to orgasm to make it complete. She said she didn't. Her joy is watching how my body reacts to orgasm. She told me she likes how men react and is enthralled by that. She is fulfilled knowing she has a role in making me feel so much pleasure through orgasm. If she comes too it's a nice bonus but not always necessary. She's not the only partner who has expressed this to me. Most if not all of the women I have asked have told me basically the same. Is this true or are they just being nice and faking it?
If they are, it's part of a well-maintained, vast conspiracy. Seriously, my wife and I have been married for over forty years (and fucking for over forty-two years). She's part of the great majority of women (75% was the last figure I heard) who has either difficulty achieving vaginal orgasm. (She has them, but usually has to work hard to get there.) She's told me that not having them does not make fucking any less desirable (either with me, or with our friend back in '85 when we were in a six-month long MFM threesome.) She loves the petting and other foreplay, loves feeling us thrusting inside her, and especially loves feeling us pumping as we cum inside her. Since bareback sex is the only kind we (the three of us) ever engage in, she also loves knowing about the huge load each of us guys leave inside her after we pull out. Although she's well past menopause now, back when we were all young, she loved the excitement and dangerous feeling of know that, regardless of how well her birth control worked, each time one of us guys fucked her, there was a small but non-zero chance that we were putting a baby inside her. So, yes, I believe that women can derive plenty of enjoyment from sex without actually having an orgasm. For many, the orgasm is just the icing on the cake.
I don't need to have an orgasm during sex to make it feel complete, but I think I'm in the minority in saying I'm more likely to 'fake it' during oral sex than I am during actual sex. I rarely (used to) have an orgasm from oral sex and could sense my partner getting frustrated and would fake it just to get it over with so we could move on the actual sex where I would almost come immediately upon penetration and then again when I felt him come. Granted, it's been a long time since I had a partner who could get me there at all in any way, so this could change with a new partner.
My wife clearly enjoys sex if she does not have an orgasm, but she enjoys it much more when she has one or more orgasms. She had several lovers before me, and and enjoyed them all, but she says that only one of them could bring her to orgasm with only vaginal sex. When we make love, I stimulate her a number of different ways, orally, manually, with toys, so she doesn't have to rely on just vaginal sex for satisfaction.
