to hit or not hit...

I can understand if you had a diferent experience you perceive it differently but an objective view will confirm a physical correction can clearly come from loving and caring feelings.

 

Wow, hot button topic here for sure.

6 kids, 3 stepkids, 3 mine, all raised together, oldest 28, youngest 11, so I think I have a little experience with this.

Now before you all load the flamethrowers and grab bricks to throw at me, hear me out.
The only age at which spanking is at all effective is between 1 1/2 - 3 years old, after that it is pointless and counter-productive.
At that age a child is begging for direction, boundries, guidance, but have not yet developed the cognitive abilities to learn from conversation alone, nor do they really get the concept of a time out. When not provided such, you end up with young adults with no internal concept of boundaries or internal controls. Lack of discipline also has the opposite effect of what most think, it results in a lower sense of self worth.
"Why didn't my parents care enough to discipline me?" May not be apparent or verbalized, but it is often there in people raised with little or no direction in the form of discipline.
One of my daughters friends even commented once after seeing my daughter get disciplined, (not spanked though)that she questioned if her parents really loved her because she could do pretty much whatever she wanted.
Overly permissive parenting doesn't work and really has the opposite effect.

Now when I say spanking, I don't mean a beating, just 1-3 firm swats on the bottom to get the message across. More than 3 and your just beating a child to alleviate your own frustration.
Also if forced to use corporal punishment, maintain a cool head and composure about it otherwise any type of "lesson" to be derived is overshadowed by fear. Screaming threats and ludicrous punishments is far less intimidating than a cool, calm, "You are going to get a spanking" Kids know your not going to rip all their hair out or break their arm. If you do, well Tom and I would like to have a word with you.

Past about three years of age spanking becomes useless and leads to the attitudes Tom is talking about, which is anger and resentment. Before three the child will and does recognize it as a disciplinary measure and not that you hate them and mean them harm. For older kids, I have found that simply depriving them of my attention works very well as a form of discipline.

For kids older than 3, time-outs, loss of privileges, etc. are much more effective than physical discipline.

Tom I know you most likely will disagree with me, but you have to acknowledge that there is a difference between using physical means to discipline and abuse.

Over the years I can count on one hand the number of times I hit one of my kids. Each time I felt lousy, but my kids would ALWAYS come to me with an apology and a refreshed attitude of love for me.


In summation, I feel that spanking is ok when age appropriate and not done out of anger. Continuing physical discipline throughout a child's life is nothing but abuse, plain and simple.

At least that has been my experience.

 

certainly a thought provoking and fiery subject this one.
as a child and young teenager i was beaten relentlessly by my father, now from all intents and purposes and by what ive read from eminent psychologists and the like, i should have grown up to be an angry abuser too, but i didn't.
i was determined that if or when i had a child then i would do everything to make sure that my child would not go through what i did, and believe me they never did.
i abhor violence, but there was one time when i did smack my child,when they went towards the fire to take something out of it, i said no, they ignored, and i suppose out of my fear of them being burnt, i pulled them away and i did smack on the hand to show the seriousness of that particular situation, believe me they understood the reasoning and afterwards we cuddled and talked about what had happened, i never ever needed to smack that child again.
sometimes children with even with the most patient parents can be known to try the patience of a saint. my child was a real handful, very stubborn, very self willed, bit like myself maybe, but that one time was enough, and they have also grown into a very peaceable, well adjusted and non angry person too.
and i'd like to bring another subject in if i may, i abhor people who shout, use foul language and threaten their children, that to me is every bit as bad as beating.

 

Worse in my opinion, physical bruises heal, emotional ones not so much.

 

i agree with that, that was kinda what i meant, even now i will do anything to avoid an argument, my emotional scars from the shouting and abuse that accompanied the beatings are still with me, which is why i was so determined that my child would be brought up with love and understanding.
guess i bred another beautiful hippie of whom im very proud.

 

It's funny (in a sad way, not ha ha) that people don't seem to grasp why the following statement is wrong...

"I hit you, because I love you"

 

Very sweet.

 

Think about what it means that it is okay for some people to say its okay to hit children, but it isn't okay for others to call them what they are for doing so....

 

really should have thought twice before starting this thread

thank you all for answering... i've read some really interesting points of view!!

i honestly don't think I'm capable of hitting my own child but i guess i understand why it might be neccesary sometimes.

FLOWERMAMA AND CHRONICTOM!! THANKS!!!!

 

My dad never hit me, it's strongly against it, and I have never had more disciplinary problems than other kids

 

In my opinion...And I dont have kids...First off you dont 'hit" people. Right there your teaching them that violent agression is ok..Second if you spank first never show anger. Then you need to sit down and have a talk about what was done wrong and why it was wrong to do that. They need to understand that when you do wrong things/bad things in life that you will end up having to face conquenses/punshment for those things. If they dont learn that no matter how you handle them isnt going to work. Again showing anger will only teach them that violent agression confrontation is ok.

 

Corporal Punishment only works in some instances and it's really not necessary and in a lot of cases doesn't correct the problem. Proper discipline and guidance is all that is needed imo

 

From the time I was 6 years old,I and my friends had complete freedom to run around my little hometown. Mind you,it was the 40s and 50s-SO-So differant than today. There was only one ironclad rule my gramma had and that was that I HAD to be home at 6:00 in the evening to have supper. When I ignored the RULE,my gramma would corner me in the bathroom and raise some welts on my back with a grape switch. Hurt like hell,but I deserved every lick of that switch and I didn't miss supper much!! I could even go back out until dark and play--but the rule was the rule. I spanked my boys exactly one time each.
Not hard at all--just unexpected and made the proper impression. Oldest defied my order not to run into the street ,broke away from me and did. The car slammed on his brakes and a few inches were the differance between him being here now--and not.

Spanked the second boy once when he was told again and again to not go under the mobile home we were caretaking in Florida. The owner told us that rattlers-big suckers had been found under there on a few occasions. Sure enough,he was crawling around under there trying to hide --being cute. Some of our chickens were 15-20 feet away from him and they started squawking and running out from under. It took 6 or 7 shots from a 22 to kill that 6 foot rattler. I needed to make sure he minded me when I told him what to do and not to do. Those 2 little butt whippings changed their behaviour for the better, because they realized orders from parents were to be taken seriously concerning the dangers in this world to kids that don't listen. Never have had a lick 'a trouble from them all these years. They listen to dad--even when dad acts like an idiot. Course now they just tell me when I'm an idiot,so that works out well.

 

It can do good if the parent actually tries, I was spanked as a kid and now i'm a B student, I do smoke weed, but for the most part I haven't had any trouble with authority, never been in a fight.

 

this. dont hit your kids.

 

Dunno, i just think its a bad way to discipline your child. sure it works but at what cost?

 

I can't BELIEVE THIS!~ You people, the very same people who are supposedly 'open-minded' are passing down the same opression and the same endless cycles of pain and violence that our forefathers have passed down for GENERATIONS GENERATIONS OF HATE, VIOLENCE, AND OPRESSION!~ Violence starts in the home, it then gets passed on as abuse to their childern because 'that's how they were raised'. The government wishes to control us through violence, MANY governments wish to do this legal or not it not matter to them if you are a public figure who speaks out against the reigme of power you will be threatened with violence, you will be told to obey, if you do not you will be killed (this has happened to many great people). OBEY, OBEY YOUR OVERLORDS OR YE SHALL BE PUNISHED WITH PAIN AND SUFFERING AND DEATH DEATH TO ALL WHO RESIST!!!~ Everything has something to do with everything, it's all connected. Start with violence in the home and it will lead to keeping the government-sanctioned cycle of violence and opression to continue.
If we are to work towards a better future, a one without violence without opression we must first start in the home. "The path to ocomplishing great things, starts with the smallest of steps."

 

I take offence with the wording of the title. To hit or not to hit implies that you aren't asking whether it's okay to discipline your child, but whether it's okay to be physically violent.

As a child, I was a singleton until age 8, living with my single mother and grandmother. Then mum met my step-dad, my nan moved out and I suddenly had a step-sister the same age, a baby brother who was quickly followed by another brother and then a sister. My step-dad beat me heavily on a daily basis and often for no good reason. My mother was cowed by him and let him. He never touched his own daughter, but if she did anything wrong, it was seen by him as just another reason to beat me. Any time I was seen out of line, my mother was heavily co-erced into giving me a beating as well. By the time I was 12, my mother was heavily depressed and I was looking after my three siblings and the running of the house, along with school and still being beaten daily for the smallest thing (I'd missed a spot when cleaning; I'd burnt the potatoes, I'd neglected to buy milk when I was coming home).

I decided my own children would not be disciplined in that way. My husband though, had other ideas and turned out to be quite violent. Like my step-dad, his idea of discipline was a beating for the sake of it and not content with being mentally and physically abusive with me, he would try it on with the kids. The day he left a hand print on one of the twins as a tot (it lasted a week) he was told to leave and although it took me ages to get him out, he never touched the kids in front of me again. I find depriving the kids of something they want worked well for me. Spanking has never been required and my kids, although a complete pain in the backside at times when little, trying it on and failing, are respectful and loving.

 

I don't think it's really so black and white. I don't really plan on spanking my child, I might though, if it seems appropriate. I will slap the shit out of his hand if he's about to touch something that will hurt him. I think learning that pain connection is natural, just let your kid know if he reaches for the stove top his hand is gonna sting vs it's gonna get horribly burned.

There's a lot that goes into a child's discipline. Mostly your child learns by example so the best way to have a cooperative kid is to be a level-headed, good communicator.

 

No hitting anyone ever.


(and being that that's what we teach our kid(s), why would we go and do the opposite?