to hit or not hit...

Discussion in 'Attachment Parenting' started by Mgmlovespeace, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. Mgmlovespeace

    Mgmlovespeace Member

    What do you think about discipline and kids?
    how do you deal with a kid that doesn't listen?
    hit him??
    this seems to be my husband solution...
    do you think a slap will put him in his place?
    what other ways of disciplining a child?
     
  2. Mgmlovespeace

    Mgmlovespeace Member

  3. RooRshack

    RooRshack On Sabbatical

    I don't think hitting kids will help, 99.9% of the time.

    Sometimes nothing works, is the problem. But hitting won't, either.

    No one said discipline is easy. And if they did, they're blibbering idiots.
     
  4. jaredfelix

    jaredfelix Namaste ॐ

    hit them, its fine
     
  5. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    Please avoid hitting as you are only teaching them to hit.

    You do not say how old the child is as teaching them to stop behaviours also has to be appropriate to age and it is a repetitive process.

    I did time outs for most things. That could mean anywhere from a minute to 5 minutes. I had a step that went to the family room and that is where they would sit for that time. I never sent them to their rooms as where they sleep should not be a punishment place.

    When they were older they would sometimes lose a privilege if it was appropriate.

    Be consistent in the rules you set and also realistic about the expectations that you have.

    Hang in there, they do figure it out. :)
     
  6. jaredfelix

    jaredfelix Namaste ॐ

    reward the good things.
     
  7. The Center

    The Center Member

    All I know is hitting only makes things worse. At least for me it did. Spanking didn't make me want to obey, it made me sad and angry at my parents. It turned me into a rebel. To some kids it makes them scared, so they obey out of fear. Then later in life they confuse fear with respect, and then either fear authority figures, or induce fear in others to get what they think of as respect. To me, it just made me very, very angry, and the sadness that comes with anger. I don't know what the best form of discipline is, but I know hitting is not the answer.
     
  8. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    My parents are hitters. I'm 20 and they still are.
     
  9. Faelixx

    Faelixx whatever dude

    Unfortunately, the main consensus with my friends who received corporal punishment is that it works; it truly kept them in line as kids. My family is very western minded, so I never received any kind of physical punishment, although my mother did raise her hand threateningly to me often, as a sign of severe anger and frustration. I think as long as the child is being punished with LOVE and not ANGER, and the desired outcome is that this child will be more properly behaved and that is the way the parent was raised, maybe. I was never hit as a child so I feel I can't properly weigh in on this. But if it were up to me, I wouldn't want to, nor do I want any child to go through that.
     
  10. Willy Blue

    Willy Blue Senior Member

    I used to get hit and cannot deny I deserved it most of the time. There are better ways to teach a child disciplin though, take away privileges, making them do their share of work chores etc? Ultimately though I believe its for the parents to decide how and when to disciplin, whether thats a smack (As long as its not knocking seven bales of shite out of them) or whatever.
     
  11. FlowerMama

    FlowerMama Member

    You never slap a child, and you never ever hit out of anger.
    However, that being said, I believe that spanking can be a good disciplining tool when used properly, and used on the right child.
    Some children really will respond better to a 'quiet chair' where they have to sit, others (including myself as a child) just didn't give enough of a crap to obey, but would if I knew I'd get a spanking for it.

    So it's really case-by-case,

    Peace,
    -Flowermama
     
  12. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    Man we used to get hit for everything, we never got a beating per se, like abuse, but my parents and my grandfather never had a problem giving us a spanking. We were never battered and bruised, and it hurt like hell, but honestly, it didn't teach any of us anything. There are four of us, and none of us are just going around as rampant monsters to society like some people think happens to children who are hit, but in all honesty, none of us really gave a shit and continued to do it, and continued to get hit
     
  13. ☉rtus ♉

    ☉rtus ♉ Waffle

    I wouldn't say "hitting" is okay, but i see nothing wrong with a spanking from time to time.

    Personally, i've never been hit or spanked before. But with that being said, i've also never received any other punishment... i can't remember a time in my life where i've ever been punished by my parents, some may say that's a bad thing, but psh... i don't mind :D they're pretty laid back, maybe if they knew everything i did they'd start to smack me around a little though :p

    But i think the best punishment is to just take away what they love, if they play a lot of video games take them away when they get punished, or take their favorite toy away, or something like that. I would first give them a warning, and talk to make sure they know what they did was wrong, then if they happened to do it again i'd know they knew it was wrong therefore i can rightfully punish them by taking their things away, and if they continued to do it i would have to go further such as putting them in time outs in an isolated corner with nothing to do. And if it still continued, i guess i'd have to resort to spanking

    I'm just hoping my future kids wont be little shits :D i've never really caused my parents much suffering or need to punish me, so i'm hoping my kids will do the same lol
     
  14. Willy Blue

    Willy Blue Senior Member

    I believe you are correct and I was not advocating lashing out in Anger Flower.
     
  15. Bolero

    Bolero Banned

    Take their things away. It's the only thing that ever worked on me.
     
  16. FlowerMama

    FlowerMama Member

    No worries. Never thought you were. :)
     
  17. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    The promise of a spanking did work here when I was a kid. Never hit them in the face or on the head, always warn the kid first what is coming for him when he's asking for it. Only use it when the kid is acting really out of proportion and obviously never hit out of anger. My parents really hated to hit me though and only used it in extreme cases. Me swirming on their lap and screaming like a pig didn't made it easier.
     
  18. ChronicTom

    ChronicTom Banned

    A couple of thoughts here....

    If you asked a stranger to be quiet because they were talking to loud, and they chose not to listen, would your response be to hit them?

    If you did, you would likely go to jail...

    Do you think it is right to treat your child worse then you would treat a stranger?

    Another...

    When your child gets older, and gets bigger then you as you fade into your elder years... If they decide you should do something and you don't want to do it, should they hit you?

    Another...

    As parents, you are the people who are supposed to PROTECT your child from harm... Do you really think it is logical to cause harm to do that? Do you think it is loving? Caring? Would you like it if I came to your home and showed how much I cared about you in the same manner?

    Another...

    You (and your husband) are what? 4 or 5 times their size.... Do you really think it is reasonable that someone four or five times the size of another uses physical violence to get their way? Shall we tranlsate that into society? Should I come to your house, beat the both of you and take what I want, simply because I am big and mean enough to do it?

    Another....

    What in the fuck is wrong with you people who think using physical violence is okay on your own flesh and blood, a helpless little kid who looks up to you for PROTECTION and GUIDANCE???

    Last one...

    Slap a kid in front of me... anywhere.... .I FUCKING DARE you!

    I shall immediately demonstrate why physical violence is not a good thing.
     
  19. FlowerMama

    FlowerMama Member

    Oh my, the misconceptions here.
    I'll try to clear some of them up.

    A child is a child, not a random stranger - also I would never recommend you spank any one else's child, they're not your responsibility to discipline.

    You talk about protecting a child, well let me ask you this:
    You have a four year old who keeps wandering into the road, you've told them COUNTLESS times to not go onto the road, you've taken stuff away, done everything except lock the child in the house - so what is more protecting:
    Spanking the child for repetitive disobedience which could case fatal harm, which would effectively show them the Action=Consequence behavior, OR just keep shaking your finger at them praying they don't get hit by a semi?

    NO ONE is advocating you slap/smack/hurt a child.
    We all agree it's abuse to slap a child across the face in anger, but if you tell them: "Davie you will get a spank if you do _________." and he does, you tell him he's getting a spanking and you give him a swat on the behind, how is that abusive, or teaches him to abuse others?
    I think it's way more damaging to a child to have a parent scream, yell and be intimidating then calmly explain and give a swat on the behind.

    Do you have kids or raised them, because I feel that you don't....

    Peace

    -Flowermama
     
  20. FlowerMama

    FlowerMama Member

    Note: edited to take out tom's immature quoted response, no one needs to read that. :)

    LOL!!!

    Does no one else see the irony here?!

    You're fuckin' hilarious dude..time to take a chill pill.

    Oh and btw, you never answered my question, instead just swore and freaked out, are you compensating because you don't have an answer?
     

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