To cheat or not to cheat..

I've been in a relationship for over 3 years now and I absolutely love her. We are both in our 20s and it's been great so far, I would certainly consider her for marriage depending on how how we are once we live together.

I have an issue in my mind with the fact that she has had several more partners than I. It really bothers me and I can't talk to her because if only makes us fight and gets her upset and I hate to do it.

I have been offered several opportunities to stray from her with other women, but havent. Most recently a woman offered sex that no one will ever find out about while I am away on a business trip. No one will ever no about it and she's a clean adult that is strictly interested in sex only.

My question is, should I do it to ease the thought of her other partners? or Not do it and just let it bother me. Also, can I handle that on my conscious? I am truly torn on this subject and dont know what to do.

 

Don't.

You sound like the kind of person that carries things with them for years. I think it would eat at you just as much as the other needless concern you're already carrying around about her past.

You're not the type of person to pull it off and walk away from it.

IMHO

 

"should I do it to ease the thought of her other partners? or Not do it and just let it bother me."

The fact that you think these are your only options shows a serious level of emotional immaturity.

Own up to it - the offer of sex is appealing to you, it has nothing to do with the number of partners she has had. You are just using that to try and rationalize.

I doubt anyone is going to encourage you to cheat. That's really on you.

Personally I think a premeditated, rationalized cheating is pretty unhealthy. If you can't be honest with yourself, you are the most dishonest type of person.

 

yes do it....get it out of your system.....go ahead and risk your relationship for a quick fuck.....totally a good trade off

 

Yes, but I'd say the whole thing is already over. It's ridiculous to believe that he's just going to sit tight without letting off any steam and live happily forever after just based on some mind game.

The fact is, buddy. The cat is already out the bag even before you see it scurry across the room. Tell her. I want to have sex with other people. Can I still keep you?

I've walked the talk, this isn't just idle advice. I lost someone I loved to my decision, and it took me 7 years to find a woman who would accept it. It was one of the greatest things I've done for myself in life.

36 years after my birth, and 100+ partners later...I can still stand tall and yell, "I've never cheated!" And that includes not cheating myself out of the sex life I've always wanted.

 

Some guy, I have to agree with everyone; if you don't want your girl the rest of your life- go ahead and cheat! If you want to keep your girl- don't cheat. There is always a chance of getting caught and losing your women

 

Sounds like the decision is easy. Keep her, let go of the idea of cheating for any reason.

 

What a baby.... sorry, but seriously... you're so silly for being upset about the fact that she's been with more people than you.
I mean, I honestly don't know why anyone would care about stuff like that. It has nothing to do with you.
Anyways, to answer your question.... do what you want and live with the consequences.


(don't mean to sound harsh but I think you just need to get over it.)

 

I don't thinking having sex with this girl will fix your insecurities. Insecurities are internal and must be mended from the inside.

 

Lol i say do it you'll regret not doing it

 

Does cheating on someone really have to involve sex with someone else ?
Is it ok to touch another person sexually but not to go as far as intercourse even if they are married or have a partner ?

 

I don't think so. Cheating is largely about intent.

 

What "cheating" is/is not should have been defined by a couple pretty early on in their relationship. There's no cut and dried "cheating law". It's what you agree upon with your partner. After that, it is about honesty.

 

If you're saying:

......but you also say:

.....and if that is making you contemplate on CHEATING on your girlfriend, trying to weigh the pros and cons of it saying:

......because you are:

Then, it sounds to me like you're not ready for this relationship.

 

First of all, her number of partners has nothing to do with it. You might think it does, but it's really just that you feel insecure about your number of partners, and probably more so that you just want to have had sex with a lot of women.

If you were to cheat on her, if you had 50 other women and your gf never found out, you would likely either a) Realize how meaningless sex is, and be burdened with a guilty conscience for as long as you were together - probably resulting in a confession which would lead to your gf being devastated and break up with you or b) Never be fully satisfied with your number of partners, always wanting more, more, more.

Maybe you're not ready for this relationship, like a few people have suggested. Maybe you need to get out and have a lot of meaningless sex for it to fully sink in how satisfying meaningful sex with someone you love is.

You're probably just not ready, though. Like Cherea said, the cat is out of the bag - when you put this much thought into whether you should cheat or not, the decision has been made by default in that you haven't yet resolved not to cheat.

 

The decision has not been made, just because I have contemplated cheating doesn't mean in any way that I plan to. I am putting my thoughts out there because I couldnt quite figure out the issues, after reading these replys I feel a lot better to learn to get over it and be happy. Cheating just isnt worth it, it's very simply put now that I have seen the perspective of others. Thank you to everyone who wrote.

 

Absolutely not. Love her for who she is. It should make you feel ten times worse than knowing she's had more partners. Cheating's unacceptable.

Talking about it makes you fight because you, being insecure, is probably making her feel even worse about how many people she's been with. Let it go

 

Yeah, but that's the thing. You CONTEMPLATED on cheating. If you really DO love her, then you would have contemplated on BREAKING UP with her before you would contemplate on cheating, if this issue was bothering you THAT much.

Okay, you're welcome. I hope you two have a lasting relationship.

 

Wow, my hubby often brings up and gets upset about my past bfs even though he knows one of them tried to choke me. Also he forgets that he was married before he met me. I don't bring that up and make him upset. The sex thing with another person well that's total up to you. You are going to have to live with what you do and it will affect your relationship with this girl you love, you may choose to have more affairs just because you think you can get away with it. Somebody will eventually get hurt so think carefully.

 

I know guys who have been with hundreds if not a thousand women. They tend to agree with me that sex without love is often only slightly better than masturbating, sometimes not even as good as masturbating.

There is no value in having slept with lots of people. People who pride themselves on how many partners they've had make me sad. It's good to be comfortable with yourself, confident, etc, but to base your own sense of worth by how many people you've slept with is really sad.

I'm glad you've come to a decision. I'm sure these thoughts will come back to haunt you - just remember that having a person in your life who you love, and who loves you back, is much more special and rare than having sex with lots of people. Many people are never lucky enough to experience love.