tips for idiot proofing your life

1. Never lend more than $5 to anyone you just met, but lend $5 to anybody who asks.

It's a realitvely inexpensive way to find out who the flakes are.

(your turn)

 

Remember that when you are drinking, everyone looks better close to closing time.

 

Getting into a relationship because you're horny is like shopping when you're hungry; you'll wind up spending way more than you were planning to for alot of shit that'll just wind up rotting in your refrigerater.

 

I never loan money, I give it and if they are so inclined to give it back, great, if not, well not hard feelings that way.

 

Got an extra fiver?

 

Don't get out of bed in the morning.

 

wear headphones whenever you go out in public.

 

don't go to a party without a condom.

 

Always carry a condom, replace it every 6 months, and FUCKING USE IT!!!!

 

You got paypal??

 

Make up your own language and if some stranger who you don't feel like talking to trys to start a conversation with you, answer them in it.

 

I think it would be easier if you just mailed me your ATM card and posted your pin#.

 

Um would much rather mail you the $5.00 instead...

 

People are so skeptical these days.

 

Always borrow money from a pessimist - they never expect it back.



wear a bra if u have man boobs

 

MAKE IT A POINT TO COMMIT AT LEAST 1 RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS A MONTH - AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN. Kind of like a whole 'pay it forward' mentality. Can you imagine how much healthier we'd be as a society if those of us who can afford to give a little actually did?

 

Don't deal with idiots.

 

Procrastination is like masterbation. It's fun at first but in end you realize you just end up screwing yourself.