I'm beginning to understand my appeal to a rather thorough submission especially to men. I was concerned because I have never suffered any kind of sexual trauma or anything like that. I know some but not all people who have been sexually assaulted deal with it by desiring the acting out of extreme sexual activity, and some but not all people who like to get dominated and roughed up do so to deal with having been sexually assaulted. I was afraid I'm just fucked up if I have nothing traumatic to drive me to get tied up and mercilessly treated. But I have begun to realize part of it is caused by my inhibitions and a desire to eradicate them, and a bigger part is I have not gotten nearly enough sex as I have wanted to get.
For a three year period between my marriage and my current 15-year relationship, I was fortunate to meet a Domme who schooled me in submission. There was no real physical pain involved. It really was a situation where I just submitted to her. In order to continue that relationship, I had to do everything she requested, baring my body, my fantasies, and my soul to her. She, on the other hand, remained somewhat aloof, studying me as a scientist would. I went with it, and trust to this day that she protected every aspect of my life that I revealed to her. When I stopped submitting to her, she cast me out. I deserved that, but I love her deeply for teaching me about myself and releasing me from so many inhibitions. This type of Dominant is rare. I suspect that many of them are more into trappings than into understanding the human soul. She, like me, is a seeker.
A very interesting relationship. I'm not sure I would want to go that deep, but you did and you had a very good experience so that's cool. Still I would want to be with someone who is in it for more than what appears on the surface.
That's great that communication finally opened up! It's an amazing feeling. I love the same things. Having control taken away changes my entire mindframe. A hand on my throat, grabbing of my hair, and pulling my balls tight have the biggest effect on me during play. Just so hot. Strengthens our trust and connection.
I'm sorry to hear that. First of all, it's very obvious that he enjoys it. You also. It's very possible that there's something else bothering him, unrelated to sex. And he may not be in the proper mindset to answer you clearly and comfortably. Happens to me when something is bothering me or I'm under stress. I can't get in the mindset, and usually can't even get hard. I let her know that when she starts playing and getting sassy. Although, she usually knows before I tell her due to my reactions. That's when we switch to the most important thing to us, cuddles and kisses. We're both of the mindset that our love and connections are the most important thing in our lives. Sex is just a bonus. Yes, we NEED our hot naughty sex! But we also know it takes both of us to be in the same mindset to enjoy the experience. So we just do our best to make the other comfortable and not feel guilty about missing the opportunity. An example, my son is in the military, so there's days where everything is great and we have amazing sex all week. And all of a sudden I'll be worried about him more than normal. She'll start out another sassy text/picture/porn video etc like usual and definitely won't get the results like the past week. So I let her know what's bothering me and we drop the subject, and be happy with what we have in life. We both know we'll be going at it like rabbits very soon lol. Another possibility, seeing this is new too you as a couple, he may be right on the edge of his comfort zone and trying to take in everything that has happened? And while he's doing this, these loving positive sassy texts etc that you're sending him are a little overwhelming at the moment. You mean nothing but good loving hints and memories with them, but MAYBE he just needs a little time to think things out?. And I'm no expert on this. I'm just going off some of my personal experiences early in my life and still some now with the worry/stress factor. But we deal with it great now. It's a huge change within your lives, Take it slow, communicate without pressure, and hopefully he'll start making the first move or naughty text! These are just a couple things that could be causing a little hiccup. Wish you both the best.
My wife and I are both on medication that takes the mood out of us. With the stress from kids and work we get grumpy. I usually get in the mood when she starts getting extra grumpy from pms. I may not be able to maintain my erection but, I go down on her till I know she will start sooner. My favorite thing is when she grabs a handful of hair and holds me there. The only BDSM thing we are into is pegging. I’ve bought bondage supplies but she won’t tie me up. I would love to have her tie me up and put a gag in my mouth and bang my ass till we both pass out. He may just be stressed out. I’m always grumpy when I’m stressed out. I usually let my wife do me to destress. The best thing I can advise is be patient if you are new to this. With work, the idea of the new things you are getting into, and kids if you have any the stress could be to much. My biggest stresses are work and kids. My step daughter is learning to drive and my step son is turning 18 soon. Then I have 2 of my own kids with my wife. Ones diabetic and the insurance company keeps messing with the medication they will allow. It doesn’t take much to trigger me. My wife doesn’t even ask me about what is wrong. She just leaves me be for a few days then does the pegging thing to try and get me back to calm.
I am a crossdresser. My wife knows it and support me. I always liked being bound and gagged while I'm crossdressed but, at the beginning my wife didn't like it. But to my surprise she became more and more addicted to this. I'm not one of those people who just wants to have sex the same way every time, but lately my wife insists on having me bound and gagged. The truth is that it doesn't bother me at all.
