Been with my girl 12 years now. Met when she was 21, and by that time she had already suffered a bad gyno procedure that left scare tissue in her vagina. She remembers the feeling of sex being so diminished after the procedure she spent months crying. Before that she seems to have been bit of a nympho, but I don't know if she's really comfortable with that label. Doctors just keep telling her it's mental. She also has what she calls an overly sensitive clit. No stimulation, and I mean none, under the hood. She says it's painful and from the times my tongue has slipped under there I believe her. Over the hood she's fine, but I've never been able to get her to orgasm either. She started using pillows to rub herself on when she was 6, and the combination of underwear and over the hood stimulation she says can get her to orgasm, but they sound very short and almost like pre-ejaculation for a guy. The pillow rub is the only way she says she has ever reached orgasm. 12 years into this and I'm just not sure what to do for her anymore. Anyone dealt with anything like this?
She needs a new gyno first and foremost. Make sure there is nothing else going on down there or that procedure didn't cause any other problems.
She hasn't seen that gyno since she was 19, so that's not the issue, and she's been to several gynos since then and they all say they see some scare tissue, but that's it. They say the rest is psychological, which it very well might be but I don't tell her that. When she's "on" she's on... not sure how else I describe that, otherwise it's dead fish time and that is the majority of the time. I've never been with anyone else who could go from being so into it one week to such a dead fish the next. She's extreme on both ends. No way to quantify how much sex we have. It can go from a few times a week to more than a month without, almost always depending on me. She never initiates. Lately I have realized that is becoming a big problem because I'm just not into her sexually anymore even though at 33 she can still stop traffic, so there is no reason I or any man wouldn't want to have sex with her, it's just become too much of a burden with her not into it, her clit getting rubbed and starting to hurt, or her drying out and that starting to hurt. It's just worn me out, so I would really like to figure this out and see if I can bring her back into the game before there's just nothing left to save. And no, I'm not fat, but I don't have the washboard I had when we met 12 years ago either, so there's that. Not sure how much a man can be out of tip top shape before that becomes a factor though. Also, 7.5 long and 5.5 around... maybe I'm not big enough for her? Thoughts, anyone?
Your girl should go to a doctor and tell them what you have told us. Don't ask the doc "is this from that bad gyno", ask "how to we fix this". It may be part mental, it may be part physical. Also, you don't mention whether she feels the frustration that you do. She might be quite happy with "horny one week, not the next". I guess the one thing that stands out to me is that you've been together for 12 years. There must be more between you than sex. And it sounds like her sexual receptiveness has been pretty much the same over those 12 years. I'd guess that there is something non-sexual going on that is adding to your willingness to give up this 12 year relationship.
Well, if I were to get into all the other stuff over the 12 years I'd have to write a book, but we are comfortable with each other outside the bedroom, which was a first for me. Why she's still around would be a question for her to answer. Sexually it was all just fine the first three, maybe even four years I'd say. I met her when she was 21 and so attractive that even two or three years in I would be awe struck watching her walk across the living room in pj's, so getting to have sex with her wasn't exactly a chore. Since then we've gone through graduate school together, which kills a lot of a person's soul to say nothing of their sex life, and now that we're done and starting to enjoy life the things lacking in the relationship are surfacing again... or at least that's how I'm assessing it. She has talked about how her sexual issues frustrate her, but who knows if that's true, maybe just playing along to make me feel better, I don't know. She never hit any 30 year old woman peak of any sort either, so that worries me a bit, but I can take her to a club and get her drinking and she'll be making out with the second hottest woman in the room 15 minutes later, so what exactly her sexual drive/interest/issues really are I have never even come close to understanding. Right now I'm trying to get past the physical limitations and see if anyone knows how to give a woman like this an orgasm in any way. I've spent hours sucking on her clit under the hood, which she seems to love, but no O, and I can only have intercourse for so long before either the vagina or the clit have to tap out.
Oh, and she has told doctors all of this. Doctors all have the same opinions, which is "If I can't fix you it must be a mental problem on your end, pay the receptionist on the way out, thanks."
It really does sound like it is at least partially a mental thing. If this is something that is upsetting you then you need to talk to her about it. Perhaps seeing a psychologist about the issue might help her, but she'll never go do it if she thinks everything between you guys is fine. Talking to her about it will give you a better sense of whether or not it is something worth trying to salvage too. You have to be very careful about how you bring it up with her though or it could sound insulting or insensitive.
It's been brought up a lot through the years, and I'm sure I've handled it from each extreme and everything in between, so been there done that with all the "talking" about it. I'm really just looking to see if someone has ideas on how to handle this in the bedroom.
If all the doctors say that its a mental thing, then go to a mental doctor who specializes in sexual disfunction.
been there, done that... anything inserted that isn't a penis reminds her of the gyno, and nothing can touch that clit... nothing.
