This makes me so mad..

I am honestly so suprised that on a website full of people all about personal freedom and love and acceptance, that there are actually people saying that a man should make the decision for a woman regarding her period, which is something that no matter how much he tries, he'll never fully understand or experience.

What happened to all the people who are against women being oppressed? If a man has a problem with one of his female family members using something that he'd rather they didn't, he could ask them not to politey, state his reasonings for it, but he should not force it upon them. If I did not want my daughter (I don't have kids, but still...) to use tampons, I would approach it as with any other parenting issue: I would come to her, explain why I didn't like tampons, teach her their dangers, etc, and let her decide for herself.

Contrary to popular opinion, a female of menstruating age is CAPABLE of making decisions about her own life. The problem is that over the last few generations, parents have, for the most part, been so overbearing that children did not learn to think for themselves until well beyond the age that they were capable of doing so. So parents are basically biting themselves in the ass, because in trying to get their children to do the right thing, they just end up killing any chance of the kid learning to make decisions to do the right thing later in life when it REALLY counts.

This is the same situation that causes young people in this age group to not be able to recognize when the situation they are in is a bad one, and that they do have the power to get themselves out somehow. It means a horrible shock of learning to grow up way faster than any human should be expected to, and perhaps beyond what that individual should be expected to, but it's important to do for the remaining 60 or so years of her life! Most kids have the ability to do something for themselves just like any adult can do. But they don't because they don't know how, because they haven't been allowed to grow... due to overcontrolling parents and legal laws. The laws and parents may or may not mean well, but the fact remains, there are many kids under the age of 16 that have within them the ability to make adult decisions when it really comes down to the clincher. I would know, because I was one of them.

 

Yeah, me too! Her mom was insane! A lot like this stepdad sounds like. I don't really know what to say about this, except that he should have never gotten ivolved with her piriod. I mean, I've never EVER talked to my dad or stepdad about my piriod... it's just akward. Most men wont have anything to do with the subject. I wonder what his problem is.... I mean he's never been a woman on the rag, he doesn't know what it's like to wear a diaper-like pad for 5 to 7 days!! All I can say is that I wish the mother would take a stand and not put up with this bull. I mean, she should be allowed to wear make-up if she wants. Sounds like she needs to take a stand, but I don't know because I'm not in that situation so I can't say what I would or wouldn't do if I were her....I can see why you're upset about it, though.

 

I just still really don't understand that if the only reason they married was so he could live in Canada, and it wasn't even for love, what business does he have telling either of them how to live anyway? I certainly wouldn't give control over any part of my personal life to someone that was no better than a stranger...

 

yeah, and the man never had to deal with the embarassing and icky changing of pads, fear of leaks, worries that it's slipping and will be seen, sometimes being able to hear it while you walk, or the smell if you don't get to change it right away. he'll never know or understand the paranoia.

 

I guess you can say that men don't specifically know what it's like because they don't have to deal with it, but saying that they can't understand it is another thing. Of course they're not going to fully understand, though, if women behave so secretively about it.

 

there's things about a man's exerience in this world that i will never understand. it's not an insult, it's a totally different paradigm. unless they're bleeding out their bottom end monthly they will never fully understand bleeding out their bottom end monthly. the feel of it, the akwardness of feeling it while you're trying to talk to someone, work or sit in class. it's extremely distracting, uncomfortable and and causes a great deal of worry every single time you stand up. it's okay. they'll have some rational, logical concept, some imagination on how to deal with aspects of it, but you'll never have the emotional aspects to draw upon. that's not understanding, that's having a vague concept.

 

Damn strait.

Jiim, women are'nt secretive about it. Most of these men don't want to hear about it. As you can tell, by the whole forum that is Women's issues, women talk about it. Put yourself in their shoes, imagine what it would be like for you. Does'nt sound very nice, imho.

 

I don't think that you're justified in throwing it back at men... that's done time and time again, and it's starting to wear a little thin. By your logic, men are inherently incapable of being understanding and empathetic, which is complete nonsense. It all has to do with socialization. People are uncomfortable when it comes to things that they, for one reason or another, do not understand. If men are socialized not to understand menstration, etc., of course you're going to get the impression that they don't "get it". But the same can be--and has been--said about women with something like politics: traditionally women were discouraged from understanding it, and so they didn't, thus giving the impression that they just are suited for politics, hence was used as a justification by men for why they should be excluded.

 

If i was married and had a daughter I would leave it between the wife and daughter. It should be your friends choice on what she wants to do with her body though. I dont know what it would be like for a woman going through this because i am a man. A man would not like a woman telling him what to do with his body so why should the man tell the woman what to do with hers. This guy needs to get a life.

 

men are not incapable of being empathetic, they just can't get into our skin and fully understand the particulars. like i said, there's things about a man's like i will never understand, never fully, because i'll never be a man. it's okay. it's not a deficiency. i don't understand why we all (myself included, when younger) get so offended by "thanks for caring, i appreciate it, but you really won't get it until it happens to you." it's true, just let it go. i can't equalize the issue by making men menstruate! you wouldn't want it anyway.

 

It's the same as a woman trying to understand what an erection is like. We have no way. We don't have penises, we don't get visible "hard-ons". We could imagine what it COULD be like, but we could never really understand.

 

this stepdad was sick,tell yr friend dont care about what he said.

 

EXACTLY!!!!

 

Yes, he provides for his family. (I think. Do we know that for sure?) How does that give them the right to decide what they can use for hygenic purposes? He needs to stop worrying so much about other people's orifices. What, exactly, is he doing with those tampons he confiscated? Whacko.

 

Sure...your stepkids should respect you. But would you seriously tell them what kind of feminine hygiene products to use? The fact that he's even thinking about this makes me think something's wrong with him. This is more than demanding that he be repsected. This is abusive. HE CONFISCATED SOMEONE'S TAMPONS. He 's acting like he has authority over every thing that goes on in everyone's body in the whole house. That's disrespectful.

 

He says it's 'disgusting'? Maybe he's using them the wrong way.

Sorry. Just trying to find some humor in this lousy situation.

 

you know, the way this guy is...i'm thinking you might want to talk to your friend and she if he has ever mistreated her. not just physical abuse...but, do you think he might have ever sexually abused her? he sounds like a real asshole whatever the case....

 

This guy is starting to freak me out and he;s totally makin me sick. Your friend seriously needs to do somethin about it. The step-parent has got to go.

 

Jiimaan,
I was surprised at your posts because you are notorious for speaking out about double standards. Yet, as I read your posts I have noticed something:

It seems that although you can't wait to attack and critisize the mother's decision, and immediately state that the only motive she had must have been unwholesome, you doubt the credibility of her complaints against the step-father, and never seem to even acknowledge the possibility that his motives were unreasonable.

Putting that aside, I was surpised because although you talk about equality and the existence of sterotypes, especially the ones affecting men (and I do agree with many of your arguments) you yourself seem to make assumptions based on those sterotypes:

you kept assuming, when no further information was given, that the man owned the house, the man brought in the money, and the man was the head of the household. I thought you would have considered the possibility that the man didn't own the house or bring in all the money. Men can be "housewives" too.


Namaste,

Diana

 

If this girl had a job, would she have the "right" to use tampons? Well, I guess so then, huh? What does money has to do with it? I live with my mother, she puts food on the table, she works her ass off and still I wanted to take the pill, and I took it. She thought it was too soon for a girl to start taking the pill and having sex. But she couldn't do anything, she knows that she couldn't. Why? 'Cause the body is mine, and she told me that. She made herself clear that she wasn't approving that, but she told me that she wouldn't do anything. If I want to screw my life up with having sex too early, then I'll have to deal with it later. What we plant is what we harvest. But I didn't want to say that, but I guess I should... he's a man. That's really bad to put it that way. But he thinks he can do whatever he wants because he's the man of the house. If he's concerned about her health, why doesn't he just say that instead of locking up the tampons? And why just don't throw it away? Well, I don't know. I just think this is ridiculous. I don't know what would I do if I was her... sorry.

Love,
Louise.