Although we have chatted on several threads, somehow I missed this one, so I had no idea about the circumstances that led to you being in your current situation and just saw you as something of a 'happy go lucky' wanderer. Hopefully life will improve for you soon. Family can put terrible pressures on a relationship and ours was no exception, but fortunately they were not as severe as how your mother in-law seemed to regard you. Time heels, but you need to make the effort to get back into society. Chose your own friends and hopefully things will start to look up. You seem to have a sensible attitude towards medication. If you broke your leg, you would need a plaster and some painkillers on the first few days, along with using a crutch. Antidepressants are exactly the same. Don't be afraid to take a tablet if things get too hard to deal with, but like the plaster and crutch they are only needed for a short time. Developing a dependency is as bad for you as becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs. (as you may already know, I part qualified as a doctor in my early days and I still work in heart surgery) I don't know the current situation with your wife, but you should keep in touch. Keeping her as a friend will be much better for both of you and who knows what is going to happen in the future to any of us. In the meantime, keep chatting to us on HF. Their seem to be more decent and honest people here than anywhere else on the internet. Kindest Regards, Wills.
You are valuable and your life is worthwhile. You have a lot to feel miserable about. But you're not 1 in prison, 2 in the hospital 3 in the cemetery. If you're able to get around you have the possibility to turn yourself around. I know you don't have money, but your county or parish offers professional counseling from social workers for sliding scale. Meaning if you have no income, you do not pay. Get any kind of supportive care you can. Through a church is better than nothing. Since you have internet access you can find out a lot about local help resources. If you can, do that trip you've planned. Go to free "meetups" and meet new people who are doing interesting things that cost little or no money. Make new connections. If your dad and you have a good connection and you wouldn't mind helping him, I'd also suggest connecting with him. If he is in failing health, see him before death separates you forever. This could be very positive for both of you. Good luck.
I sure hope you don't do it. You should try listening to Michael Sealey sleep hypnosis things. They are pretty fun and work really well. Sorry to hear about your life. JUST KIDDING...a little light humor. Though seriously sorry to hear about your two boys and I pray that your other child thrives. I have been in similar situations (minus the hot wife and children) and it sucks dick when people are conniving and make up stories about you and blame you for things you didn't do. Wishing well.
Found myself screaming at nothin' this mornin'. Just screaming into the emptiness all around me. More likely the emptiness within me. Then the tears came alongside a flood of memories. Came here, to this farm, to heal but I don't think I know how to. Came here to move on get a new start. I wonder if there are things in a man's life that he can't get away from, things that just hold him right where he is
There's no shame in getting help if you can't heal on your own. Have you considered talking to someone? Even if it's so you can vent and hear what you yourself are saying? It's simple, but it can be therapeutic. I'd always suggest to anyone feeling this blue to seek professional help. I know it's a touchy subject given your distrust of doctors, but I've never heard of a goat helping anyone's mental health. The farm alone is probably not going to do it. Whatever you chose to do, I wish you the best of luck. My PM box is always open
Things have been getting better since you've joined the farm. You're at a bad moment, but things will probably be better than they are now tomorrow Agree with @Noserider that professional help is a good idea
Hey there.. You have had all the best advice from others on here you probably know better but I still wanted to say I read your story, see nothing that deserves hate, and feel sympathy for anyone who life treats so hard. I believe though, contrary to what most say, that life is long. And once it isn't, then you're almost at the end anyway : ) I hope you experience better times
We all have voids inside of ourselves, and for me, I think that my spiritual beliefs greatly help with that. But, we are all different. You have to find out first, what is that void? Is it something you put there, or is it from childhood, or residue from your marriage? I think Noserider's advice on getting some counseling could help, because the counselor will be totally objective. You've come a long way, don't forget that.
Please seek some professional help You seem like such a good person Noserider gave you some sound advice And the directly above this post did as well Love Life and Cherish each day you can
It seems like you're rushing things to me. You can't force a wound to heal; you can treat it but it must heal in its own time. The old memories are always going to be with you but new memories will be made that hopefully ease the pain. And I agree with Neo, talk to a professional about this and keep an open mind about it. It isn't shameful; I still see someone to this day every three months. It's helped me a ton. If you need to talk, PM me. Good luck buddy.
All the kind words are appreciated. I can't afford to see a professional & even if I wanted to I currently have no vehicle by which to go. I've dealt with pain from many & varied sources my entire life & I've always pushed through alone. This time is just provin' to be alot more weight than I'm used to shouldering. Losin' everyone & everything you've ever cared about all at once is an immense blow to wrap your mind around.
I agree with this, I think people are too quick to try to run away from pain. But pain is an intricate part of life. Sometimes you just have to wallow in it, feel it, appreciate it and appreciate that losing something can make you feel so badly. Its okay to take a while to mourn the loss of your old life. Healing isn't something that can happen instantaneously. As cliche as this is, it really just takes time. sometimes a lot of it.
Ain't runnin' away from anything. Just tryin' to find a way to cope. Tried talking to other people, sharin' my emotions, all that shit, tried findin' other things to occupy my mind, tried all the typical ideas on how to cope. As any can see they ain't working. Maybe I am rushin' it. I dunno, it's been 5 years since our second son's death. 7 since our first. Every time I sit quiet & alone that sorrow comes back just as hard, just as painful as it was the day of their passing. Sure I'll grant that the divorce pain might be seemin' rushed on gettin' through but I gotta find a foothold somewhere or all this is gonna just sweep me away.
I didn't mean to suggest you were running away, sorry about that. I was just trying to convey that its okay if you don't feel okay yet. I feel like anything I can say at this point will only come across as trying to minimize the pain you're feeling so i'm not going to try to offer advice, as a parent I know that's the greatest pain one can ever feel and not something you can ever really just move beyond. so i'm just going to send my thoughts and love and empathy, if its any consolation at all you have a family here at HF you can always come talk to. If you cant afford traditional therapy maybe some sort of online support group could be beneficial? okay maybe just one piece of advice
Hey... I'm sorry to hear about your moments of pain creeping in on you. You inspire me every day when I read about your life, so close to the Earth. I don't think it's about finding a way to walk away from pain. My experience has been that it's about finding a way to carry the pain. You won't leave it behind because it is part of the story of you. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to the pain; because you are one. Don't try to push it away. Pick it up. Hug it to you. Shift it around inside yourself. Over time, you'll find a place where it fits and the load will feel less burdensome. Pain gives us character, like it or not. Carrying it gracefully makes us beautiful. I think you're doing a fine job.
When I was young, I ran down the highway in circles with my guitar screaming and yelling there has to be someway outta here!!!! It actually helped. That's how I discovered hippies. Sometimes, in order to beat the clock we must first stop, turning out the light, and in our sleep of death find the dreams we may require to defy time itself. Search for what's missing from this picture, listen to the sounds of silence, and learn to be still never hesitating for a second.