Alright so I know cheating is terrible and awful. But here's my situation. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. I had only had sex with a few girls before her. I know I love her, in fact I plan to propose soon. But in recent months I have had unusually strong sensations for other women. I do not mean the normal attraction or quick thoughts that go through a man's head when he spots a women he finds attractive. It is to the point where I almost guarantee if the situation presented itself I would do it. However, I know i will feel terrible, I really do love this girl. Am i crazy to think that I can get it out of my system if I do it or does it set a precedent for the future? Or is this something that I will just have to deal with permanently? I really don't want to cheat because I know that it's wrong, but I'm losing my mind. Any thoughts?
Chris, to put it blunt, after 5 years you should be exclusive to the girl or move on. If you love her as you say you do why aren't you married to her? Here's why. You don't know what real love is yet and are searching for it. I'm here to tell you it isn't through sex. I suggest you venture out and meet up with this other woman, have sex, and then decide if marriage to the 5 year girl is right for you. I can tell you this. Fucking other women while the girlfriend or wife doesn't know is a great feeling. Once you do it the first time you will want to over and over again and again. Doing so is such a rush you will become addicted to it. At first you will regret it for a while but then once time passes remembering how great it felt to have forbidden sex you will do it again. It will become a never ending cycle until being caught. Once you survive that you will be drawn to having forbidden sex again. But it is best you don't do it behind your girlfriends back. You must learn that sex is a really small part of a relationship, especially a long term and dedicated one. Be honest with this girl about your desire to mate with other women. Let her know that you are not ready to commit to her exclusively so she can decide to keep the relationship intact or not. Having sex with multiple partners in not wrong. It is a fulfilling experience to have multiple sexual partners but not without consequences. Not being honest about your feelings is wrong. Man up and make your true feelings known to your girlfriend. Be frank with her, not during sex, but while out and away from distractions and let her know how you feel. Tell her about your desires sexually and otherwise. She deserves to know before you ask her to be with you forever in all things, not just sexually. You owe it to her.
I second that, so unless you both agree to be able to see others, acting on an attraction should not happen. I almost feel like you should leave her because you will not be able to be faithful to her. Stay single and keep doing what you need to do for now.
Honestly. Since you are having these feelings now. It's best to confront it now then later. It'll eat you. I've been in the same boat before. I found that writing down these feelings have helped a lot. I read it every once in a while when the urges come back as a reminder that I have someone already. It might work for you.
How about this - think with your big brain and don't fuck this up. No, the urge and want to fuck other women does not just go away. It's not that you're not getting any now, so what do you expect to gain other than trouble?
It sounds like to me that you havn't found the right girl yet. Otherwise you wouldn't think that way . Its a special feeling inside when you find the right person. I have broken an engagement off because something didn't feel right. The feeling feels right with my current partner and I have been with her for over 30 years now and married for 25 next year .
Always pay attention to Barry's posts. Let me share my experience which is much different than Barry's. I was 25 when I finally lost my virginity. I've had sex with one other woman before my wife which I regret. How many times have I wished my wife was my first and only. I am her first. I've never had the experience of many women, or that type of forbidden sex and I don't desire it. This is going to sound corny but through mutual love and respect, we've grown together in many ways --- family / kids, new interests / adventures, financially, common goals ... and sexually. When we were young, we started our sex lives very vanilla. Now, omg we're into some nasty stuff even as practicing Christians. What I'm saying is that its very satisfying. Give 'er a shot.
You offer three questions about cheating, but you left out one essential detail. It isn't cheating, unless you've pledged sexual exclusivity/monogamy. As far as I know, you and your girlfriend haven't. You don't say that you have. Whether five days, five months, or five years, it isn't implied or understood. You are free to engage with other people unless you explicitly and affirmatively state that you will be exclusive with each other. The term "girlfriend" indicates nothing about any promise you've made or not made to each other; it merely indicates that you are on good terms and romantically linked. Giving someone a Valentine's Day card doesn't mean you aren't having sex with other people, unless you've said you aren't going to have sex with other people. Marriage vows commonly have the phrases "forsaking all others" and "until death do we part" to make it very clear that you are both promising to have sexual contact with one and only one person until the point at which the first of you is dead. You can promise this at any time; you don't have to be married. If you and she have not exchanged a promise of fidelity, then there is absolutely no reason for you to get yourself tied in knots and worried about cheating. If you haven't yet, and don't want to, offer and ask a promise of lifelong monogamy, don't say the words. However, once you say the words, act accordingly. It's as simple as that. You aren't bound by, and accountable for, your thoughts. You're bound by, and accountable for, your words and actions. Be a man of your word, and there is no issue or conflict. Yes, during a boring work meeting, by about 5 minutes in, most of the people in the room are fantasizing about sex. There's no harm in that. If you want an open marriage, then negotiate that with your girlfriend at the time you propose marriage. If she's on-board, you can omit the "forsaking all others" language from your vows, and nobody but the two of you has to know why. Be mindful though that if she's of a mind to have sex with others, she's going to have a much easier time than you are to find willing partners. Women simply have to express interest. Men generally have to "work" for it.
5 years and you haven't already popped the question? You are not serious about her, you just don't want to be alone. Communication, talk to her perhaps the two of you have a future of FFM's so you don't have to cheat.
i can never cheat i know the feeling of being cheated on its wrong to me i rather stay single to do that than break a person heart couldnt do nothing like that
