There are some guys here in a sexless marriage.

I asked last night and my wife said "I'll see how I feel." We didn't do it. I'm so fucking mad this morning. What else goes into the category of "I'll see how I feel" - cleaning the toilet. The excuses she makes for not having sex don't apply to anything else. If she has a meeting for work or some completely optional thing she's signed up for she goes no matter how she feels. She's too stressed, tired, sore from going to the gym, she fucking goes anyway and doesn't just sit at the back and scroll on her phone, she gets involved, prepares and while she's there she gives her full attention and effort.
Sex with me gets left for last, always the very last thing at night if she can be bothered and I can't take it anymore. I've lost count of how many times she's said yes tonight it's on, then fallen asleep because playing games was more important. Or she doesn't feel like it tonight but promises me tomorrow then her period comes or a friend comes to stay, she's too sore from the gym or sick or has a meeting that runs late etc etc. One day turns into 8 then 12 then 20.
It's fucking bullshit and I've had enough.

 

I hear you for sure. My fave is 'oh, you know by Friday night, I am sooooooo tired.....so don't even think of it....how about we watch the news....' So, you KNOW that is when I really want it - you'd rather have me all pissed off, make me wait until you decided the stars have aligned and you're ready now....for something you could have simply taken care of in about five minutes that would have left me in a "everything is wonderful honey" mood for a few days...but....I've given up trying to understand that one.

I take it when I can get it, she usually gets the message, but the bulk of it is pretty much up to me, sex is icing on the cake. I'm done asking and begging and working for it - she knows what I need and I shouldn't have to earn it. That's the problem, thinking I have earned it....instead of it just happening.

They just don't think like we do, like I said, sex is usually about #47 on their list, where we think about it constantly. Sure, you can have that 'honey, I really really really NEED more sex' conversation, it will work for a while and then you're back to square one....usually about a month... "oh why would he cheat on me.......?"

 

I feel your pain. Married 19 years and our sex life is a joke. Virtually non existent, at least in terms of intercourse, and any enthusiasm / initiation on her side. Excuse after excuse. May go into more depth sometime but just thinking about it makes me furious.

I get that men and women are wired differently, but it drives me crazy to think there are women out there who enjoy sex and I’m married to one who doesn’t and is what I consider to be massively sexually repressed. I feel like I can’t take much more.

 

Sorry man, how long has it been this way?

 

For most of our marriage sadly. I feel a lot of resentment about this. I spoke to her about it a year ago but this has upset me even more because since then she hasn’t made any effort to address one of the main problems, which is the fact that she won’t let me inside her because it is painful / uncomfortable and is scared of getting pregnant, and hates condoms. I am on the waiting list for a vasectomy and desperately want it, as it will wipe out another excuse. The thing is that when it’s done and I get the all clear, I am not deluded enough to think that this will solve the problem overnight and that suddenly she will love me being inside her. I have read a lot about sex problems and think she has ‘vaginismus’ - if so, it is treatable - see a medical professional, use dilators, lots of lube, etc, but she seems unwilling to go and discuss it.

The thing is, when I research sexual conditions, I identify her with things like ‘genophobia’ too. She has this fear of being penetrated which extends to the fact that I’ve never had one single blowjob from her ever. In 19 years of marriage. I’ve asked a few times, but gave up and probably haven’t even tried asking in the last 10 years. She was a virgin when we married so unless there was some sort of abuse issue preceding that (unlikely as surely I’d know by now) I don’t know if it’s a psychological thing too as well as a physical thing.

Like I said, there has always been excuses. Some reasonably valid ones, such as major work stress when her job came to an end, then time settling into her new job. There was a health scare too which is now not an issue. Non of those issues exist anymore. Time & space is a big issue. We have 2 teenage kids and they are never both out the house at the same time. They’re awake late and as soon as my wife’s head hits the pillow she is asleep.

The kids go to their grandmas to sleep maybe 3 times a year. Even in these times she’s never willing to really let herself go in the bedroom which upsets and frustrates me. I want to make it clear now too that this isn’t just about my own satisfaction. I bought her a bullet vibrator to try and give her pleasure. It’s been used twice in a year. She claimed to enjoy the sensation, but I don’t get it - why doesn’t she want more stimulation? For us, if something makes our bodies feel great we want to do it all the time, why do you think men pleasure themselves so much?! I’ve offered to use this again. I’ve offered to go down on her. I’ve offered to give her oil massages to relax her. She doesn’t seem bothered at all. I can’t take much more. We love each other but it kills me that she won’t go and get medical help and try and sort this out so we can enjoy any sort of sex life. She will be going through the menopause anytime too so I just see more excuses coming already.

 

Whoa buddy. THAT would be a deal breaker, you are missing out on a primal pleasure. Time for some serious therapy or it's time to split. You deserve to be happy and you certainly deserve to enjoy sex in marriage - you're not married to be roommates.

This is all bullshit.

Somehow you ended up with two teenaged kids (bless you....) so there is no physical issue, everything works and fits, so there is no reason other than she does not WANT to do it or worse, does not WANT to do it with you. Stress is no excuse - I'm stressed as hell all week - we've all changed jobs - we all have bills - we all have problems. I know of no greater stress solution than sex. Teenage kids are a pain, been there done that, survived it, yes, mom and dad do have sex, that's how you got here. Go to bed regularly, turn on the TV for background noise every night, fix the squeak in the bed and the kids will think nothing of it - they're stuck to their phones, air pods and computers, they don't even know you are there much less even hearing you. If they do, so what?

Jesus, if you can't get anywhere with talking about it now, menopause will only make it ten times worse with a thousand more excuses why you can't have sex, what hormones are doing to her body and mood, been there, survived that, too - it's not easy.

Gosh, men not having enough sex.......why is this such a problem for the species? I do not know one man that has ever said "I have all the sex I need".....never, never ever.

 

Yeah, it’s a strange situation. I don’t want the hassle, emotional turmoil for kids, expense, etc, of divorce, but also I would like to have sex a few times (not in total, I mean a few times a month!) before I die. I am only 42 and struggle to accept the fact that I don’t get any proper action. Like I said, we did speak about it and nothing happened other than me doing my bit by asking to get the snip. She didn’t go to seek any medical help. It’s not like I get compensated with blowjobs either.

I don’t know if it’s tied in with her religious beliefs, but to me she is sexually repressed. When I look up the symptoms of this, it says:

Sexual repression can be expressed but not limited to the following:

• lack of sexual attraction
• disinterest in sexual activities
• shame and distress with sexual activities
• guilt or other negative feelings after having sex
• believing your body is unattractive or unworthy of sex

This is my wife in a nutshell. She ticks off pretty much all of them. It’s like she saw sex as a way to have kids and nothing more. She told me years ago that she never masturbated, which I find utterly bizarre. Why would someone be so unwilling to discover their own body in private and find out ways of giving it pleasure? When I used the bullet vibrator on her, it was such a weird reaction from her. I think she was enjoying it, but it was almost as if she felt she shouldn’t be. This is what I mean about repression. If it felt good, why not just use it more? I very much doubt she uses it when I’m not around and when I do suggest using it she shows little to no interest.

I also bought a non vibrating G spot dildo at the same time but haven’t even shown her it yet. She doesn’t even like being fingered so can’t imagine sliding this into her. I honestly have no idea how i impregnated her, as she has zero interest in a cock or anything else being inserted into her. I am not worried in the slightest that it’s me she doesn’t want sex with and may be getting it elsewhere. Out of the two of us, I am more likely to cheat. Not that I want to at all, but I am 100% certain she is not having wild sex behind my back.

I do plan on talking to her about things again very soon. Most men would have walked out years ago I’m sure.

 

I know I feel like I’m married to my sister

 

I've been in pretty much the same position you are in now. I remember when we were in our earlier years of marriage there are certain things that she didn't even want to try such as oral sex or letting me put my finger in her vagina. I wonder if there was some sexual situation that happened in her past because someone had suggested that about my wife also. I talk to my wife about that but she could not recall any situation like that but you never know what could be repressed when they were young. If I would have known now what I knew during the engagement period, there is no way I would have married her. She had similar responses that your wife had with pleasuring yourself. When were engaged and I first ask her if she ever masturbated she was so embarrassed and could not even talk about it. That should have been a red flag for me but you're in the gaga phase, you think people will change and that will never happen.

 

I'm in a sexless marriage. I may get oral or masturbation from Her once a month or less. She has no sex derive at all. I find myself in depression over this and fantasizing about dicks etc. The thing is, it's hard to find a time and place to enjoy getting myself off, in a safe environment, but I'd love to. I couldn't do anything like have sex with a doll or rubber torso, anywhere near my wife. I wish something would spark her interest, but what?

 

Hmmmmm......I sense a so familiar theme here.

 

My wife was the same way back before I married her. Never masturbated, never used a dildo, (it was dirty, or something). She was very closed-minded about sex, couldn't think of what she liked sexually. Still says she never thinks about it. Trouble is, I was pussy-whipped and ignored all sorts of red flags because we were rooting our brains out.

 

Most of the married guys I know don't get any sex at home anymore. It slowed down after a year, then slowed even more after the kids, then eventually it was quid pro quo, then stopped altogether. These guys are happy to get a blow job from another guy for some relief.

 

I've know a lot of guys in a similar situation. Wife is happy to have a sexless marriage, but the guy needs some relief. She strings him along, but rarely ever gives in.

 

I've been in a sexless marriage for many years. I now masturbate regularly on skype for a few good mates that I've made that enjoy watching what i do. I find it very erotic and it is so much more satisfying to share my wanking even if not in person.

 

I’m struggling right now. I’m in a sexless marriage now (2 months) due to mental illness. When we first started dating we averaged having sex once per week when we only saw each other on weekends (yes, 2 and 3-a-days).
So now my mind is wondering. I love my wife, but my sex drive is through the roof. Feeling so lost. Probably why I joined this site.

 

Well, welcome aboard....I hope...

 

I'm in the opposite situation: my wife is very cold; and I think she could be wakened by a well endowed guy.

 

How do you know this does she tell u things

 

I got to say I'm in my second marriage and for the first 4 years I couldn't keep up and my cock was almost red raw, we used to have sex multiple times a day, I'm not complaining at all, to be honest I am missing it as we haven't had intercourse for over 2 years now, yes it's due to medical reasons for the wife and I try and understand but sometimes I really need more, sure she gives head etc from time to time but I admit my mind wonder's. It's bloody hard to go without and I live in hope we can resume. Men needs a release and more than head or a stroke for sure!