There are some guys here in a sexless marriage.

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Just for fun, Feb 1, 2021.

  1. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    Interesting bit of advice but think about it. When, where and why did a contract causing two people to remain together regardless of the situation, originate? I completely understand staying under any and all circumstances if you feel you are compelled by a religion which for many is the pinnacle of their rules for living.

    I can also see that if one of the party had some sort of medical or mental situation which precludes them from joining in sex. But as I have stated in the past here on HF it is my view that two people live and experience each other joyfully. Once we name it “relationship” there are automatic rules, boundaries, restrictions, guard rails, must do’s and must not do’s.

    I have experienced both men and women in my life, some for a few days other for a few years. Willy Nelson and Julio Ingelias sing about it, “To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before.”

    From a strictly human being perspective without the religion caveat involved, when one of the two people change after some time maybe it is clue to re evaluate the situation. Humans were not born to be unhappy and discontented year after year. If this is allowed they both fail to live a full and blissful life. We join together and learn and teach each other. Sometimes that ends and its time to move on. There is always more to learn and others to teach.

    IMO discuss, discuss and discuss again and get to the nucleus of the problem and make a decision. Who would be hurt by moving on if one person says "I have changed and now I just don't enjoy sex any more?". That person should man up and say, "I don't blame you for wanting to move on, I would do the same in your shoes."

    Some people are attached at the heart and maybe it will hurt for a time but in the long run it will be worth it. Been there and done that and I feel I have made the correct decision many years ago.
    crazytrain341 likes this.
  2. iamjustme

    iamjustme Supporter HipForums Supporter

    There is no doubt I made the right decision.
    We have one life on this earth. One. You can't sacrifice any chance of happiness for the rest of your life because the person you are with is miserable.
    I was married for 27 years with her. The last 13 were sexless. None. And no affection either. I don't know what happened, but she lost all interest in it. She didn't even pay that much attention to our children either. Clearly depressed. And medicated. But she refused to seek counseling.
    I left. And I cannot possibly overstate how much better my life is for having done it.
  3. crazytrain341

    crazytrain341 Members

    I agree with you guys fully and completely.

    Not that I need to defend my response. We are all entitled to our own ideas. But I was under the impression that NakedInfluence wasn't willing to get a divorce. If he did, he wouldn't be in a position to post that message. Therefore, I was responding with ideas on how to cope with the situation.

    You guys got divorced and came out on top. Things got better for you. Of course you always hear stories of how people initiated a divorce and things got better. They can't wait to tell you how awesome their lives are. What about all of those other guys and girls who initiated a divorce by things got a lot worse. You just don't hear from them because they're not willing to come forward and admit it.

    The line of reasoning where one says "well I did ABC and then EFG happened, so if you do ABC, EFG will happen too." I'm just saying it isn't a strong argument. It's like when someone says to you well, I dated two blondes and they were XYZ, so when you date a blonde she will be XYZ as well. Or when someone says Queen Elizabeth drinks a glass of brandy each morning and she is 94 and going strong. So if you drink a glass of brandy each morning, you too will live that long. Or, my uncle smoked and got cancer so smoking causes cancer. Well some people smoke their entire lives and don't get cancer. [shrugs]
  4. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    Hey Crazytrain I must agree. Each of us experiences life in a different way. It is decision after decision after decision. It is not a one size fits all world. Make your bed and sleep in it. The situation we place ourselves into is the atmosphere we are attempting to create for ourselves but sometimes things go sideways and there is a lot to take into consideration before the next step.

    We simply live and learn as we go.
    crazytrain341 likes this.
  5. iamjustme

    iamjustme Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Of course my response was anecdotal, because it was just a post about me. I had no intention of implying my experience represents anything or anyone but - me
  6. Quite right I'm in it for life no matter what. The thing about having only one life so you should be happy is also trumped by my religious beliefs. I don't believe being happy is what matters. Yes we only have one life but also one afterlife so if the price of the best possible afterlife is being unhappy in this life so be it.
  7. crazytrain341

    crazytrain341 Members

    Some people believe that a life of burden gives purpose. When asked to bear a cross, some reject it. Other accept it and consider it their duty.

    To JFF and iamjustme:


    I"M JOKING GUYS!!!! Do what JFF says --- Live your best lives whatever it is!!!
  8. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

    (The thing about having only one life so you should be happy is also trumped by my religious beliefs) In my case there is no attachment to any religion of any sort.

    Happiness is not just a state of mind it is the basis of the quality of life that you live here.

    If you cannot go thru this life joyfully you will not be able to go beyond, you will not be able to transcend the bondage of this life.

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