There are some guys here in a sexless marriage.

You know, money can be replaced. You can't take money with you at the end your life journey. That is the ultimate solace, one that you cannot buy or coerce.

 

I respectfully disagree.

From a physiological point of view, what a woman and a man has to go through is not equal by a long shot.

Guys, we need to take care of our girls.

 

Women are like software. They are expensive, never have to work the same way twice, you don't need to do anything different for them to blow up after operating for a long time and they need constant updates and attention and we just accept that as the way it is..

 

Yes we do BUT when they stop taking care of us "just because" we begin to question our actions toward them.

 

Fair enough guys... I see your point of view.

However I think it is different if your SO purposely doesn't take care for you or reciprocate the care that you give to them. That would be a problem. I don't think I'd accept that.

It is quite another issue if the care is one-way because of a medical condition or an accident. For example if my marriage turned sexless because she got into a car accident and became a para or quadriplegic, I'd consider it my duty to care for her even if it is entirely one way. I wouldn't leave or cheat on her. Besides, there might be a part of two I can still use LOL

Rock on fellas!

 

I was in almost sexless marriage. She would very rarely want sex and I have a very high sex drive. I was faithful for years but I did fantasize about having sex with other people. I did with girls but it wasn’t easy to find girls to chat or meet with. There were loads of guys though. It was easy finding a guy to chat with. That led to mutual masturbation on Skype. Soon that wasn’t enough. I then watched gay porn. Eventually I was fantasising about sucking cock. It was weird though because I could think about sucking dick and enjoyed that thought, but didn’t like the idea of kissing a man. Eventually I did the lot. I have literally done everything sexual with a man you could possibly do. Those were such a turn on Knowing it was naughty was even more of a turn on. Thanks Grindr.

 

Sure - it was a broad statement, just that I am not into divisiveness. So when she came in here with her "we're special cause we are women" attitude... I didn't like it.
I do not subscribe to the #toxicmasculinity and #believeAllWomen garbage.
That is intolerance in the name of tolerance... the worst kind. And very popular unfortunately.

 

Great responses from everybody which leads me to me and my girl's "Relationship." I have stated before that we do not see us in a relationship. That would define out genders and roles and put each of us in some weird and twisted bi sexual category. The marriage concept always builds walls and clicks us into categories of how we must carry on. I hear that in several comments.

Look at the two of you as human beings that actually like each other and do what they can for each other. Sound familiar? Like when you first dated, isn't it. When a woman or a man for one reason or another (besides illness) need some attention in any category, what happened to helping your friend who you actually married or are living with. What happened to the communication that you had. Why not come right out and tell your SO I need a little this or that and ask if they will assist.

In the case of men whose women just stopped or cut way back on sex, tell her face to face and see if you could get some "semen trim maintinance" once in a while in the least invasive form just to make it easier on her. Washing her hand isn't that big of a job.. Simply put, you are friends, and friends help each other out willfully and voluntairly with a smile.

 

My son asked me a couple years ago... "how do I know "Susie" is who I should marry?"
I answered - "you don't".
No one ever knows if this is the "right person". Albeit, everyone thinks they are.
I married the wrong person. And for the wrong reasons.
I didn't do it on purpose you know. And neither did she.
We were young, idealistic and thought we knew everything...not knowing just how little we did know.
And today's youth centric society... I feel bad for them. They are even more convinced they know everything, they actually think they are different than us!

 

Covid has been really tough on our sex life. 3 kids who seem to be all around including 2 teens who stay up late. Makes it difficult to be intimate. Very rare we get all 3 away for a night at the same time.

 

Oh, hell, they'll be behind their computers and phones, oblivious, till 3AM. Buy them both a pair of beats headphones - nothing gets by them.....

 

Two's post holds true. Children are learning sponges. They pick up on things adults can't imagine them knowing. Let them. They're better off knowing there is love in the house.
My spouse and I didn't stop because children were in the house. How are they going to know and see how love is expressed between two people, especially the people who made them, if they don't have an example to go by? I don't mean as parents you should fuck in front of them. But go off behind closed doors and enjoy being a couple whenever the mood strikes. (Which it did quite often with us) Let them know it's private time for mommy and daddy and they will be fine.

 

Start going to bed every night to 'watch the 11:00 news', turn the TV on for noise, lock the door. Whether you do or don't plan on sex and the kids will eventually think nothing of it and unless the house is on fire, no they are not going to knock on the door. I'm sure by now, you've mastered how to be quiet and which method is most efficient... Yes, it may take a bit of premeditation and noise remediation (like pillow behind the head board, fix that squeak in the bed), but you need sex to keep you sane with teenagers, especially now. I think tonight's your night.

 

Hey this has been really interesting reading everyone's responses to this topic. But the OP's topic is sexLESS marriage, a lot of you guys are talking about not getting enough sex which is a different topic altogether.

Looking around my work place, you can just tell the women and men who are in sexless marriages. It is hard to describe in words the algorithm I use to come to a conclusion. But sometimes you just ... know. I realize you can't judge a book by its cover but I argue that al lot of times you can. I bet sexless marriages are a lot more common that we think.

 

I am in a sexless marriage. I have toys but don’t get many opportunities to use them at home. Before the world shifted on its axis I travelled a lot so spent more time in hotel rooms satisfying myself. Now I have to find opportunities for a crafty one. If I don’t masturbate every couple of days I start to have intense thoughts of cheating. I crave other women, I fantasise and even obsess. The moment I ejaculate all those pressures disappear. It’s almost a hunger that is satisfied. I never do cheat, I simply feel a massive need but I know how to get rid of it.

Unfortunately, many women simply don’t appreciate that a man has to go through that physical process. A woman’s body automatically, in a significantly worse way, removes the egg all of its own accord. A mans body doesn’t have that automatic release so it has to be assisted through sex or masturbation. It seems to be a topic that is as equally misunderstood as the assumption that a man ejaculating is the same as a man having an orgasm

 

Well said but you also said, "I have toys but don’t get many opportunities to use them at home. Why not? Are you embarrassed to use them when she is in the house? If so why?

 

You're just going to have to be a little planned out and determined of when you can masturbate. She goes in the shower, knock one out. She goes to the grocery store, knock one out. She goes to bed, stay up and watch the late show, have a night cap, lie back and knock one long one out. You owe this to yourself to keep yourself sane and off the roof. Cheating will only blow up in your face - and they wonder why you would do it.... I guess it's not been fruitful to have that "honey, I really need this and it's only a few minutes" discussion, huh? What does she think is happening?

Yeah, the business travel scene was always a great night - I always planned a nice long session when travelling.

 

The main blocker is 2 small children who follow you around like shadows. Also, I really don’t think my wife would understand. It’s one of those ironies of certain relationships that stems from that lack of understanding I mentioned in the post above. If I mention sex I’m applying pressure or being inappropriate, I don’t understand the pressures in her life, etc. But if I mention masturbation then I’m saying that she isn’t enough for me or that I no longer desire her. It’s an unfortunately common experience that I’ve heard from a lot of guys

 

I genuinely don’t think that it crosses her mind that I masturbate. I don’t think her mind ever concerns itself with why my balls have never exploded in a nasty mess during dinner. Again, it’s strange belief that you only produce semen when it’s needed. It’s like you know that the water is in the pipe but if you don’t turn the tap then the purification plant won’t bother making any more. A lot of women don’t seem to realise that you have to purge the system and restart the process

 

I think we would all be happier if we could accept the fact that women just don't have the same thought process as we do. This is such a common theme among men and it takes so little time and effort to make everybody happy. It's important that you do A, B, and C and D regularly, why not sex?

Honestly, I don't think she has a clue how much I do it. Or how much I need to do it.