Being raised as a boy but developing female body changes at puberty makes for a very difficult mental condition. Sometimes I present as a boy who dresses as a girl and other times I present as a girl who hides the fact that there is a penis in my panties. I like to form deep relationships with straight guys, which is kind of a naughty gurly thing to do. The guys enjoy the deep relationship as much as I do and you would think we would just be happy with our intense relationship. But something weird always happens. After enjoying each other's company for a long period of time, they start to question my gender. Once this happens there is no going back. The relationship comes to an end and he goes back to being alone and unhappy again. And I found this circumstance to happen over and over again with every straight guy I have had a deep relationship with. So I would start presenting as an effeminate boy to avoid the drama of relating to straight guys. It is easier on me if the person I'm relating to knows about my condition, but I found in my experience, non binary people have a short attention span and are unable to form deep relationships. Also, many non-binary people have trouble overcoming the cultural stigma of being different from the social Nome. And so, after a while, they see me as a pervert, which also ends the relationship. Lately, I have had a good relationship with a she-male. He presents as a female but has a penis and a male ego which seem to meet my requirements for a partner. What makes him different from my other relationships is the fact that he really needs me. Or maybe I should say he needs the sex I provide him with. I try to rise above a purely sexual relationship with varying degrees of success. Mostly I enjoy the sexual experience, but because of the female hormones in my body, I don't have much of an organism. So mostly I do it for my partner. I found that if you're not the one to screw up the relationship, then another one will come along. But if you are the one who doesn't hold up your end of the relationship, you may not see another one until your next life.
You are a unique person who has a specific type and desire. Surely "Straight guys" who are looking to date your female persona are actually wanting to be with a female. Nothing wrong with that and if you know they are straight you know they are in fact looking for a relationship with a female. Not just sex but a male/female relationship. You can't offer that and you need to find someone like you who wants a relationship with someone like you . Whether it be a male or female they need to know who you are and be prepared to pursue a relationship with you and not be led into thinking you are exactly as you dress. Nothing wrong with it but if you are not on the same page or open minded or not purely attracted to male or female gender only then you won't find the right person.
During my years working in the theatre, I have come across several guys in your situation. My only advice is that honesty is the only way to a fulfilling future. One of the guys thought that it was great fun at the time to deceive others, but needless to say it never worked out well. Even worse when he deceived an interview panel while applying for a job. Unfortunately, 30 years on he has ended up as a lonely bitter old man.
Good post! Honesty is the only way, and honesty begins with oneself. I was stuck in my life until I was honest with myself about who I was. I wasn't a boy who liked to dress as a girl. I am a trans woman. And then that honesty had to carry forward. I was honest with my wife about what I had discovered about myself, and then with therapists, friends, colleagues, neighbours. Now, years later, I am at peace with who I am.
Although I am now at peace with Skip for posting on these threads, I rarely do, unless I feel that I have some useful input. I certainly opened a bag of worms on that one. I therefore was totally unaware of your situation, but the one thing I can add is that you deserve your happiness and it shows. As you possibly know, our daughter married her partner and they now have 3 year old twins, via her partner. We are delighted and Jane picks our grandchildren up from nursery while Christina is busy bundling the low life's into her van.
It's funny what falls into place almost immediately after being honest with yourself and coming out. If you're trans and trying to suppress it, nothing in general seems to work out. At least, that's been my experience and the experience of a lot of my trans friends. Once I embraced my real self, my life started firing on all cylinders.
