The Thread of LIES!!!

i will NEVER get on my knees for my love and mumble the words to "Onward Christian Soldiers" with my mouth full in church on Sunday.... it's a sin!!!

 

i have a no bj's policy

 

I love watching football...

 

I believe in everything they say in the Bible.

 

I know what bj means

 

BJ doesn't mean "blowjob".

 

im a boy

 

I am soooo FAT.....

 

i dont have glasses

 

I am bald as a cue ball......

 

I care about how people look, their income, what they possess and that kind of things.

 

My ass fell off.....

 

Obama wont be the Times man of the 21st century

 

I hate sex, all that huffin and puffin and sweat, belly farts, groanin and moanin all for three seconds of pleasure......;-)

 

One time I rode a wheelbarrow down a steep street and when I got
to the bottom I hit wet cement, and I flew over two cars and landed
in a convertible... full of Super Models....

 

I rode a murdercikle on the freeway to 130 mph, neekid in January way up in Canada!.....

 

this song is about the time that I was ridin' my motorcycle.
Going down a mountain road, at 150 miles an hour, playin'
my guitar. On one side of the mountain road there was a
mountain, and on the other side there was nothin' - there was
a cliff in the air.

Now, when you're going down a mountain road at I50 miles
an hour you gotta be very careful, especially if you're playin'
a guitar. Especially if that guitar is an acoustic guitar.
Because if it's an acoustic guitar, the wind pressure is greater
on the box side than on the neck side, because there's
more guitar on the box side. I wasn't payin' attention ..

Luckily I didn't go into the mountain - I went over the cliff.
I was goin' at 150 miles an hour sideways and 500 feet down
at the same time.

I knew it was the end. I looked down, I said ''Wow! Some
trip". I thought it...well I knew it was...I knew it was my last
trip, and in my last remaining seconds in world,I decided
to write one last farewell song to the world.

Put a new ink cartridge in my pen. Took out a piece of paper.
I sat back and I thought awhile. Then I started writin':
I don't want a pickle
Just want to ride on my motorsickle
And I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride on my motorsickle

And I don't want to die
Just want to ride on my motorcy ...cle."

I knew that, it wasn't the best song l ever wrote, but I didn't
have time to change it. I was comin' down mighty fast.

But as you all know, and as fate would have it, I didn't die. I
landed on the top of a police car. And he died. I drove away
on the road that he was on. I came into town at a screamin'
175 miles an hour, playin' the motorcycle song.

I came into town, I jumped off my bike, the bike went around
the corner by itself, went up on the stand by itself, turned
itself off.

I walked over to my friend. He was standin' there eatin'
pickles. I said "Hi, what's happenin'?" He looked at me in the
eye and said "Nothin'".

You gotta sing it with that kind of enthusiasm. Like you just
squashed a cop...

 

can you whistle that tune?....

I want to live in Antarctica.....brrrrrr.....;-)

 

I love when my cat bites my toes. His small pointy teeth in my flesh feel so good.

 

I turned down four opportunities for random sex with a hot female stranger today