The struggle with/but benefits of not having sex right away with your partner.

So picture this. You have made the decision, based on past relationships to remain abstinent in your next. But then you genuinely fall in love with this person to the point that the draw is just to be closer to them in some way, not just get into their pants (which isn't necessarily bad either). Sex is fun, feels good, and definitely grants that closeness that some might be looking for, so why not just go for it. Well, not everyone has the ability to just be comfortable even 4,5,6 months into a serious relationship. This is the stance I took, I was now with someone who respected my no, and then also grew to love our emotional intimacies more then pushing the idea of us having sex. It has been awesome to feel validated and close without the 'need' for sex. Don't get me wrong, we are very much sexually attracted to each other, but the anticipation has made us just more excited to indulge when we decide to, because we fell in love before we had been physically intimate. THIS IS NOT AT ALL TO SAY THAT YOU CAN'T BE IN LOVE WHILE YOU HAVE SEX. It's just that for us, this moment will be even more intimate because our emotions are in sync and we are completely on the same page! Trust me when I say I know that we would be even more drawn to each other, but we are saving our sexy time for when there are rings. Just our preference. Thanks for listening!

 

"To each his own" is the adage that applies here. I have never waited for or struggled within a relationship to where I was comfortable having sex nor let past relationships influence me in that way. Did not ever turn my partner away because of not being at ease or unsure. If the moment was right, the desire was there, we had sex. There is no need for me to build up to having sex in a serious relationship. I have always just let it happen. Never been turned down with this approach either. My partner to be has always been ready when the time was right. It's an evolution within the relationship when sex happens the first time, be it at first sight, or well into the relationship. Even all the way to marriage.
I can also have sex with a someone without being in love with them. I do this quite often as it is a need for me to have sex in order to sate my sexual appetite. There's no love involved. Just lust for each other to have sex and enjoy the moment. It is understood that we are together for a moment in our lives just to have sex and then go our own way. No attachment following even though we may meet up again and again for the same purpose.

 

My wife and I started dating in high school and fell deeply in love somewhere along the way. I told her that I loved her too much to do anything to hurt her, especially cause an accidental pregnancy. So I promised her that I would not have sex with her until our wedding night. Meanwhile, she was enjoying sex with friends with benefits in college. We married as soon as she graduated from college, and our honeymoon sex was great. She says she is glad that we waited, and I have no problem with her sexual activity with others in college. Waiting was difficult, and I wouldn't recommend it for others, especially with effective birth control methods available today.

 

I see no benefits in waiting unless you are trying to prove something or other.

 

Not in a save it sense, but as something out of my culture.
We have niddah, family purity.
I long ago abandoned the basis of it (menstrual taboo), but the waiting two weeks built up a tantalizing desire. Rejoining was electric.
I actually enjoy when my partner travels without me because I do dig rediscovering him, rediscovering us.
We don’t yet live together, I’m finishing a lease, so even not staying over for a night or two adds to the excitement.

 

I'm at a point in my relationship where I want to share physical sensations with my beloved. And while it's nice to think about, I think that in practice it's better to wait and to abstain, etc.

I'm respectful of her body. We are in a long distance situation so physical interaction isn't possible, which means it's really easy to not do the deed...

I think it can be very spiritual to make children together, and to join in that way is something holy, sacred, and really cool!

But I think it's a matter of procreation, not recreation. I have honor for the tenets of her as well as my own moralistic values. I don't want to abandon that.

 

Sounds like she had a tremendous time.

 

Yes, she did, and so did her partner.

 

There's nothing wrong with that. I always wait a little while before having sex in a new relationship.

 

When I met my wife I was 20 and she was only 17, I was not after sex, I wanted a good person that I would be with forever. We were together for over a year before we had sex.

 

There are so many other ways I have to torture myself. So no.

 

No good to go ahead and torture yourself!