The struggle with/but benefits of not having sex right away with your partner.

So picture this. You have made the decision, based on past relationships to remain abstinent in your next. But then you genuinely fall in love with this person to the point that the draw is just to be closer to them in some way, not just get into their pants (which isn't necessarily bad either). Sex is fun, feels good, and definitely grants that closeness that some might be looking for, so why not just go for it. Well, not everyone has the ability to just be comfortable even 4,5,6 months into a serious relationship. This is the stance I took, I was now with someone who respected my no, and then also grew to love our emotional intimacies more then pushing the idea of us having sex. It has been awesome to feel validated and close without the 'need' for sex. Don't get me wrong, we are very much sexually attracted to each other, but the anticipation has made us just more excited to indulge when we decide to, because we fell in love before we had been physically intimate. THIS IS NOT AT ALL TO SAY THAT YOU CAN'T BE IN LOVE WHILE YOU HAVE SEX. It's just that for us, this moment will be even more intimate because our emotions are in sync and we are completely on the same page! Trust me when I say I know that we would be even more drawn to each other, but we are saving our sexy time for when there are rings. Just our preference. Thanks for listening!

 

"To each his own" is the adage that applies here. I have never waited for or struggled within a relationship to where I was comfortable having sex nor let past relationships influence me in that way. Did not ever turn my partner away because of not being at ease or unsure. If the moment was right, the desire was there, we had sex. There is no need for me to build up to having sex in a serious relationship. I have always just let it happen. Never been turned down with this approach either. My partner to be has always been ready when the time was right. It's an evolution within the relationship when sex happens the first time, be it at first sight, or well into the relationship. Even all the way to marriage.
I can also have sex with a someone without being in love with them. I do this quite often as it is a need for me to have sex in order to sate my sexual appetite. There's no love involved. Just lust for each other to have sex and enjoy the moment. It is understood that we are together for a moment in our lives just to have sex and then go our own way. No attachment following even though we may meet up again and again for the same purpose.

 

My wife and I started dating in high school and fell deeply in love somewhere along the way. I told her that I loved her too much to do anything to hurt her, especially cause an accidental pregnancy. So I promised her that I would not have sex with her until our wedding night. Meanwhile, she was enjoying sex with friends with benefits in college. We married as soon as she graduated from college, and our honeymoon sex was great. She says she is glad that we waited, and I have no problem with her sexual activity with others in college. Waiting was difficult, and I wouldn't recommend it for others, especially with effective birth control methods available today.

 

I see no benefits in waiting unless you are trying to prove something or other.

 

I'm at a point in my relationship where I want to share physical sensations with my beloved. And while it's nice to think about, I think that in practice it's better to wait and to abstain, etc.

I'm respectful of her body. We are in a long distance situation so physical interaction isn't possible, which means it's really easy to not do the deed...

I think it can be very spiritual to make children together, and to join in that way is something holy, sacred, and really cool!

But I think it's a matter of procreation, not recreation. I have honor for the tenets of her as well as my own moralistic values. I don't want to abandon that.

 

Sounds like she had a tremendous time.

 

Yes, she did, and so did her partner.

 

There's nothing wrong with that. I always wait a little while before having sex in a new relationship.

 

When I met my wife I was 20 and she was only 17, I was not after sex, I wanted a good person that I would be with forever. We were together for over a year before we had sex.

 

There are so many other ways I have to torture myself. So no.

 

No good to go ahead and torture yourself!

 

It’s one of those things and the world we live in now as compared to years ago when sex was not a prominent topic as it is today. Sec is more open and talked about now so more people are having sex when they want where they want with who they want anytime they want so when it comes to sex right away it’s more natural now to bang in a first date. It’s the experimentation afterwards that makes the relationship

 

This is overthinking.

The whole idea of sexual consent means that you need two "yes" votes before proceeding. The details of if, how, why, or when a couple gets there aren't all that important.

Whether you have one "no" or two, it's a "no." If and when you both get to "yes," it's a go. Simple as that.

Your private diary, your "struggle," is about sex. It's the subject you overthink. For others it's food, or exercise, or maybe a "pain journal" following an injury. If you need mental gymnastics to dwell on and to control your quivering loins, then that's what you need. Others need to engage in mental gymnastics go for a run each day, or even to get off the couch and be productive humans.

Each of us probably has something that we overthink and overanalyze. You've turned abstinence into an act of doing, something that occupies a great deal of your thought. I see it as non-action, of not doing something, and therefore not requiring or justifying much thought.

You can think all day about that piece of toast you're not going to eat. I won't think about it at all.

 

It largely depends on the two people who are commonly awaiting that moment when they become intimate. If one wants to have sex right away and the other doesn't yet, it should become the first person's respectful attitude toward the other to abide by their feelings and not rush things. Sometimes immediate sex can diminish respect between two people, unless of course they both need it and can't wait then they want to get that part out of the way so they can focus on the rest of the relationship.

 

One of the things I was told growing up was to never have sex with someone you didn't care about or love and even then, do not have sex with them unless you're going to marry them and, oh, yeah, if you have sex and you're not in a relationship, you have committed the sin of fornication (die, go to hell, burn for all of eternity)! And while there were a lot of girls - and a few guys - who were saving themselves for when they got married, they were in the minority because the first attraction felt for someone was usually sexual and, um, if you want to, I want to.

 

You must've grown up in a monestary, because no one I grew up with was thinking about saving themselves for their next bf or gf let alone for marriage.

 

Based on my personal experiences, I have often posted, "Friendship can develop into love, but the reverse is rarely true".
Having witnessed many failed relationships during my lifetime, I still believe in my theory.
In my early years, after my decision to give up my studies to become a doctor and join the circus, the London theatre in my case, many of the women who I worked with were top names and relying on my work for their opening night or completing their film for a premier. On the day that Barbara Streisand flew over from the US to meet me, I suppose we could have jumped into bed for a few hours, but we would have both been asleep within seconds, so we decided to do this re-recording instead. Anyway, Elstree film studios did not have any bedrooms.

 

Like hell I did - that's what I was told, not what I did; I was out there having sex like the world was going to end any second now! Save it for marriage my left nut...