"I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to hell?" —Homer the Heretic, Homer Simpson, Season 4, Episode 3, Original air date: October 8, 1992. "Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. The foolish man who built his house on sand." "And you remember... Matthew 21: 1-7." "'And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany. And he lodged there'?" "Yeah. Think about it." —Homer the Heretic, Reverend Lovejoy and Homer Simpson, Season 4, Episode 3, Original air date: October 8, 1992. "Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Home already? Boy, time really flies when you're reading—the Bible? Ewww!" —Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie, Bart Simpson, Season 4, Episode 6, Original air date: November 3, 1992. "I came to stop you from murdering Lisa. Like you murdered your wife!" "Murder???" "Murder? No, I've just been in the country for a week." "But I distinctly heard you say that Maude was with God." "That's right. I was at Bible camp. I was learning how to be more judgmental." —Bart of Darkness, Bart Simpson, Ned and Maude Flanders, Season 6, Episode 1, Original air date: September 4, 1994. "Because of last week's problems... we'll be taking certain precautions with this week's collection." "[Later in church, and Bart is tied up like in the 'The Silence of the Lambs'] We shouldn't have let them do this. It can't be helping his self-esteem." "Now for our offertory reading, Lisa Simpson, who we'll all be keeping an eye on..." "I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty without any proof. But doesn't the Bible teach us 'judge not, lest ye be judged', Reverend?" "[pausing] I think it may be somewhere towards the back..." —Bart's Girlfriend, Reverend Lovejoy, Marge and Lisa Simpson, Season 6, Episode 7, Original air date: November 6, 1994. "Stealing? How could you! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname?" —Marge Be Not Proud, Homer Simpson, Season 7, Episode 11, Original air date: December 17, 1995. "I've done everything the Bible says! ...Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff." —Hurricane Neddy, Ned Flanders, Season 8, Episode 8, Original air date: December 29, 1996. "Okay, here's how the process works. You sit on the broom and we shove you off the cliff." "What???" "Well, hear me out. If you're innocent, you will fall to an honorable Christian death. lf, however, you are the bride of Satan you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point, you will report back here for torture and beheading." "Tough, but fair." "Stop! Does not the Bible say, 'Judge not lest ye be judged'?" [Crowd murmurs] "The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!" —Treehouse of Horror VIII ("Easy-Bake Coven"), Chief Wiggum, Marge, Homer and Lisa Simpson, Season 9, Episode 4, Original air date: October 26, 1997. "We can say these swears anytime we want because they’re in the Bible!" "I don’t think 'Leviticus' is a swear." "Shut the 'hell' up, you 'damn' ass 'whore'!" —Midnight Towboy, Bart Simpson and Milhouse Van Houten, Season 19, Episode 3, Original air date: October 7, 2007.
