The Silence of a Shadow

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Gorgaroth23, Sep 26, 2013.

  1. Gorgaroth23

    Gorgaroth23 Guest

    Hey guys, first post around here. I was high the other day and had the inspiration to write. This would be my first work, actually the first time I've done anything without being forced to. I'm pleased with it so far, but I'm looking to improve it, so all feedback is welcome!

    I wrote it thinking about my girlfriend and I not speaking for awhile, and her rude Facebook status made me know she had something she wasn't telling me. Alas, here it is:

    The Silence of a Shadow

    If you have something to say, then say it. Don't make waste by cloaking yourself behind a silent shadow. A shadow is nothing more than a will-less mask, hiding, unnoticed, mimicking lifelessly all that it belongs to. When you have something that need be said, yet seek to shadow instead, nothing is to move ahead. So turn on the light and cast back this shadow, revealing what truly rests within your mind, and tell me, please, tell me.
     
  2. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

    You'd be better suited to walk your way, indifferent to those things others hide in their dark places. Especially if you are unfortunate enough to love such an one as wears many cloaks. It's supposed to be the other way around, right? Love conquers all, and so forth and so on? And this is true. If one is not careful about who one loves, one is apt to be conquered by a tyrant or a vampyre. I hope for your sake that this is not the case.

    As for your piece, I can only suggest that you keep writing, and you will get better. You've got some good wordplay in there, but, like any other art or craft, writing betters itself organically through practice. One eventually becomes the word that one writes to such an extent that the word writes itself through one.

    Good day.
     

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