Do you think that friendships or relationships ever have "politics"? I'm looking for a word, and I thought "politics" was perhaps the best one to describe what I'm thinking. What I mean is, do you ever find yourself evaluating how you relate to friends/spouses/colleagues/girlfriends/boyfriends etc? Do you have any sorts of rules in regards how you relate to others? Or do you just "go with the flow" and act instinctively? Or do you prefer to discuss things with them in explicit detail, or just in a "roundabout" way. As an example, one of my best friends probably hasn't been the easiest for some/many people to get along with, in the past. He'd mellowed since I began knowing him, and mellowed much more over time. His view is that it is about understanding the other person. He knows how I think, and I know that he will never aim to cause me any harm/offence. Someone else, I *used to* be friends with, was simply a bad person, atleast after about 10 years. I'm the sort who mentally notes really bad behaviour, and if the list gets too long, I bring the topic up/find myself having to end the friendship. Looking back, I knew that this friendship was doomed to end. Atleast if I didn't snip certain problems in the bud. But anyway, are your relationships governed by "going with the flow", or "communication" or a more "hard and fast rules and principles" system? Do you think all your relationships are rock solid, or alter with the passing of time or events?
Being friends (especially) with women has its own set of rules and challenges. Every friendship is treated differently depending on the person involved. I almost manage my friendships like they are my children. I'm usually the brutally honest type of person but I know what I can and can't say to certain people. I'm pretty honest though. I go with the flow until communication is necessary. Most of the time I hear "You know, nobody else could get away with saying that to her. You're the only one that could say something like that" I had one friend that I was close with for almost 15 years. She lied to me a lot and wasn't even smart enough to cover her lies. Finally I got tired of it. I told her I was done with our friendship because I refused to be treated that way by her anymore. I guess that would make me a communicator. I told her exactly why I was ending our friendship and that I wished her well. I don't hate her. I just choose to not have toxic people in my life. I think navigating friendships with women is a completely different ballgame than navigating friendships with men. My friendships that I have with men are so much easier. Everyone says it like it is. Nobody has to worry about hurt feelings. My best guy friends don't pull punches with me because I'm a woman. They treat me like one of the guys and it is so much easier than my relationships with women. I don't know that I answered your questions.
I had a huge amount of (young)men friends when I was in school. Not so much after that. Maybe 4 or 5 over the years. I just like women and to talk and listen to them. And they smell so nice.
I'm probably going to want to change my answer after thinking about this again, but here goes... I'd like to think that I go with the flow, but in reality I have "hard and fast rules and principles" - at least in the beginning of relationships (this includes any, and all relationships - from a person I speak to in a grocery store checkout line to the relationship between my wife and myself). Of course the rules are pretty much made for and applied to me only. After I get to know someone, I kinda go with the flow, especially if the other person brings that out in me. All of my relationships do, and always have altered over time - mostly for the better.
I know a lot of people but the only ones that I bother to become friends with are the ones where I don't think there is anything "political" about the relationship. I would never be intentionally rude but I probably wouldn't spend a lot of time with someone if I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them. I meet people "where they are" in life and try to respect them and hope they do the same. But I tend to gravitate toward people who aren't afraid to say what they mean and be honest. There is nothing about honesty that I find offensive.
For the most part I attract a certain type of friend. They are either friends I have a lot in common with or friends that I can do things with. We don't have to have anything or much in common. I really haven't had issues with men or women friends, outside of being friends with people I didn't have much in common with. The kinds of friends you can just do things with, can be more acquaintances than friends. For the most part, this is a go with the flow sort of relationship, but also a "keep things between us" kind of relationship. This kind of friendship needs more rules and guidelines and doesn't often last as long. I agree that at least in the beginning, or just until I've settled into a sort of pattern of mutual interest and understanding on some certain subject, these sorts of friends get to know my boundaries pretty well and easily. Friends I have a lot in common with, don't seem to require any hard work at all...there are no complications, no reason to have sit downs, because in general the friendships are based on communication anyway, and everything has generally been said before any serious need arises.
What I find hard is when friends end up with partners or spouses that suck. It's so hard, because you have to get along with their SO as well otherwise it causes problems. My best friend has been with a total dickhead for the past 10 years. No one is allowed to say a word against him.
I think I'm pretty go with the flow. I'm a loyal friend and I also want to give my friends room to be who they are so there is rarely any drama and my friends and I can flit in and out of each others lives depending on how busy we are with no hard feelings. I've never really had a confrontation with a friend, not necessarily because I'm non confrontational (although i am) but because I never really find anything worth fighting over. my friends are free to be who they are and do what they want and I'll still be their friend.
I don't see a big difference between my male and female friendships. I've never had an active conflict in a friendship, because I don't really have standards for my mates. They are who they are and I have no illusions about that . So, if someone lies a lot or if they are super emotional or whatever it is, I just tell myself: "well, that is so and so." I wouldn't dream of "breaking up" with a friend. If the friendship is going to be maintained, it will. If not, it will fall apart. No drama needed .
Interesting responses. I think some "friendships" (is that the right way?) are brimming with "politics". Somethings, politics might appear due to problems of some sort or a misunderstanding. Here, I was actually thinking of a business friend I'd been friends with for a long time. I'm basically his longest lasting friend. But I've always known/been told there is something that can't be trusted about him. Eventually, I reached "tipping point" with it all. As has happened with him and all his other long established friends. I think if I'd have kept a tighter lid on it, I'd have ended the situation sooner. So looking back, so what?
