the off-topic thread

I once saw a lonely moose osmosing as a heavy whisp through woodland and across lake surfaces. It delighted in the scent of strawberries and grew melancholy at the sight of a bruised pear. When I presumed to give a greeting it jittered and vibrated its own molecules right out of my sight. Only later did I understand the power of moose antlers and their fickleness for teleportation.
On the first day of my observations I noted the dance of pollen through sunshafts as the moose passed by. I took careful measurements of the rate of moss and lichen decompression within the fresh moose tracks. Whenever I heard the moose snort or bellow I was carefull to take imprints from the sound waves scratched into the surface of waxy leaves nearby.
The second day was my realisation of moose quantum tunneling. I endevoured not to startle the lonesome beast in future but was consistently thwarted until I developed an antler interference device. It was made from ancient discarded antlers arranged in dodecahedronal form on a tin foil frame. Once I placed this over my own head, I was able to resonate at the same frequency as a startled moose.
On the third day I followed the moose into it's own realm...

 

All together now...

Walnuts look like brains, and the omega 3 in them helps brain function

Say what?

Yeah, its like totally true

 

I wandered lonely as a cow.

 

I do think innocence is underestimated

 

Bring the sunshine back!

 

my armpits smell like garlic.

 

Dear Anne Robinson,

Why do you have such a smarmy face?

Yours,
Anatoly Nublenko A. Dmirer
Age 14, Moscow

 

go fuck a duck said donald

 

Has anybody seen my camel?

 

there's a really old matchbook collection framed in a shadow box downstairs. my basement is like a kick ass second hand store.

 

Dear Mr A.Dmirer,

Thankyou for your query about my face. I am writing to inform you that my face was bequeathed to me by my Uncle, the Second Earl of Leicester. My entire family received our faces from his almost limitless stock which he is said to have purchased while holidaying in the Andes during the late 18th Century. It is commonly held that most of these faces were bought from a Venezuelan tribe (now extinct) known anecdotally as the Hatchers, whose faces were renowned throughout the Americas for their smarminess.

I hope this answers your question.

Love & kisses,
A.Robinson (Ms.)

 

Below: This photograph shows the lack of skin mobility during erection of a circumcised penis. Note the dark scar where the foreskin was amputated.

 

Is this land active? Cuz I wanna lol in a forum in some random thread like dis one :OO:

 

Are you one of those people just crazy about wallpaper? Do you look for a fresh piece everyday?

 

That's why he always wore socks with his sandals... webbed feet..! Like a duck...!!!

 

<click meee>
special relativity
<click meee>

 

Dear Anatoly,

Thankyou for your query regarding the history of the Hatcher tribe. My great grandfather was indeed the last of this ignoble people, his face was among the smarmiest ever seen by the human eye. (Legend has it certain mountain gorillas in West Africa have seen smarmier faces.)

Yours,
how I yearn to run my hands over your lithe young body &c.,
Peter Jenkins, esq.

PS. You're right, Anne Robinson's face is really immensely smarmy, isn't it? It is good to see she is keeping this ancient tradition alive.

 

my high school biology teacher had a fantastic cape made out of roadkill.

 

You've been spotted scurrying around the headquarters again...report to the big wig and tell him why you slipped a flip flop under my door again last night.

 

I ate cake last night, it was tasty.....