the JOKE thread

When does a cub become a boy scout?





















When he eats his first Brownie.

 

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?


















Very satisfying.

 

Gross, Grosser, Grossest

What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.

What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.

What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.

You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.

But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.

 

Hey Soulless rofl that was awesome.... I feel like printing that out and posting it in my bathroom....

 

How is a woman like a condom?







Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

 

Like Midgets In The Night...

What is grosser than gross?

When a midget walks by and says your hair smells nice...

 

Why do women fake orgasms?













Because they think we care!

 

Haha that made me laugh...

 

Maxi Pad to the Fart

What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.

 

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

















A pimp.

 

Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
















The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

 

There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction.

The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself, "Well, if he can do it, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail, arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the mouse, only to end up in the lake. What is the moral of the story?

Where there's a satisfied cock, there's a wet pussy...

 

HA HA

 

not really a joke...i dunno i liked it and first time i read it i laughed...hope you all laugh as well...
Rumor: I saved a bus load of children from certain demise when their school bus careened off the road and was teetering on the edge of a bridge.

True. But they weren't children and there was no bridge. I actually just honked at a bus. To be honest it wasn't even a bus, it was a kite. And I didn't honk at it, I yelled at it cause I thought it was following me. It turns out I was just on an outdoor treadmill... in a park... during a kite parade.

 

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, 'Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.' They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, 'Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.' At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
'Look', she said, 'I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!’

 

Hahaha wtf...

 

Hahaha wtf...



hahaha. i can't explain a friend of mine sent it to me one night. kinda weird, i know!!!!

 

It is funny though, even if it doesn't entirely make sense...

 

A man was driving home and got a flat tire just as it started to snow.

He pulled over in front of an insane asylum to change his tire.

As he was working, he noticed a resident standing by the fence watching.

He undid the nuts, pulled the flat off, put the new tire on, and wouldn't you know it, the nuts he had removed were now buried in the snow.

He searched and searched but couldn't find them.

He was stuck, and then the patient asked him if he needed help.

"I've lost the nuts to this wheel."

"Well, why don't you take one nut from each other wheel, and put them on this one, and then you can at least make it to a gas station."

"Wow, how did you think of that, I mean, well you know, being a patient in here and all?"



"I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!”

 

Red Ring

A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.'' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.

''It's all cleared up!'' the man reports when he returns. ''But what was that medication you gave me?''

''Lipstick remover.''