The It's just wrong joke thread

A hillbilly teenage girl is wanting a new dress for a dance at her school. She goes and ask her dad if he will buy her one.

After looking at his sweet and cute daughter he says:

"OK, I'll buy you that dress if you will give your daddy a blowjob"

After giving it a moments thought, the girl agrees and starts to suck off her daddy. After a minute she says:

"Daddy, your dick taste like shit"

And her daddy said:

"I know, your brother wanted to borrow my car tonight"

 

A woman had two dogs that were strangely named Freeshow and Seymour. One time, while the woman was taking a shower, the dogs had both escaped from the backyard. All of a sudden, she hears car tires screeching to a stop followed by a dog barking loudly.

When she ran out the front door still in a towel to check on her dogs, guess what she yelled out?

 

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can’t gargle sand.

What’s the worst thing about fucking a five year-old?
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.

What’s brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhoea Of Anne Franks.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb, the other to suck my dick.

 

What's a word that begins with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person?


Neighbor.

 

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her like an alter boy.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lj8Qtkred8"]BBC Radio Ulster presenter repeats Jimmy Savile joke - YouTube

 

What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Taking her out of the wheelchair.

 

There is a dude who owns two parrots, one male and one female. He cannot tell which is which until one day he catches them having sex. He figures the one on top is the male so he immediately shaved the male's head to tell them apart. A couple of days past and the parrot owners friend comes over to hang out and he happens to have a bald head. So, the male parrot flies over and lands on the bald guy's head and says to him: "Did you get caught fuckin too?"

 

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food?

Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

 

I had a car accident. I ran into another vehicle driven by a midget. He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy". So I said "Which one are you?"

 

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

 

Seeing you post that joke is a blast from the past! Belive it or not I made up that joke in '67 in Houston while involved in a shooting war with the KKK and the battle of Selma was on. Originally there were only two blacks, the one who left the scene and the one who landed in the car came through the windshield and I didn't say what make the car was or that it was a dirt road. I was surprised when someone told me my own joke a year later. It seems to have aged well. lol Thanks, hadn't heard it for years.

 

The neighbor joke made me think of the fact that, for those of you who have watched the series Heroes.. did you ever notice that like the only black guy in the show has the ability to break in? Jokes on them

 

That's a great one----thank you lillallyloukins-----I've got to earn to text so I can fool naive BBC announcers to read my crude jokes!!!

 

Damn, reminded me of a whole bunch of jokes that I used to know, now I have to dredge them up out of the cobwebs.

Only one I can remember right now is:

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to visit grandma.

Shut up and keep digging.

 

A woman is in labour in the hospital. She's been in labour for over 4 hours now, but in the back of her mind she'll know it'll all be worth it once she gives birth to her beautiful baby boy. The doctor's in the room with her assisting her through the whole thing, by her side, coaching her through it, helping her breathe and providing support for her. Then the words she's been waiting for, the doctor exclaims 'right! only a few more pushes left!' and with a few more pushes she finally gives birth to her new born son. She looks over and see's the doctor cradling her baby and a warm smile spreads across her face, both of joy and relief. Then all of a sudden the doctor clenches his fist and punches the baby in the face with all his might, the mother screams aloud followed by more punches. As soon as the final blow is delivered he throws the baby against the wall, and it slides down into a lifeless slump on the floor. The woman screams and sobs 'WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO MY BABY!!?' the doctor looks over to her with a cheeky smile on his face and laughs 'haha don't worry, it was a joke. The baby was stillborn'.

 

What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of coke?
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo of coke fall out the window.




Why is Eric clapton a mac user?
Because windows killed his son

 

What black and red and the fastest living thing in Africa? A Somalian with a MacDonalds voucher. What's black and red and the slowest living thing in Africa? A Somalian with an expired MacDonalds voucher.