The It's just wrong joke thread

Why won't sharks eat black people?


They think they're whale shit.

 

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?......

Well Hung

 

I forget if I posted these:

A young Italian (Polish, Irish, whatever---you choose) girl gets a ticket for jaywalking, and the judge finds her $50.00. The next day she shows up at court with a huge bag filled with $50 worth of pennies.

The judge looks at her and exclaims, "Good God! Did you hoard all those pennies?"

She looks at him and answers, "No your honor. My sister whored half of them."



An older Polish lady, following Doctor's instructions to bring a urine sample, shows up for her Doctor's appointment with a dripping bowl, filled practically to the brim, of urine.

"Good God Lady!" The Doctor exclaims, "Did you walk through the streets carrying that?!"

"No doctor," she responds, 'I took the bus.'

 

What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blow-job?




You KNOW they're gonna swallow.

 

It's the mid-50s in the deep South, and a rich white local is driving his cadillac down a dirt road. He reaches the top of a hill and just as he is going over it, three black guys are in his path and he can't stop in time. He hits all three of them.

One went under his car and wrecked his exhaust system. One was thrown high up in air and then landed in the back seat of the car. The last one was hit so hard that it threw him into the field beside the road.

Wondering what to do, he knocks on someone's door and uses their phone to call the police. He goes back to the scene of the crime and waits for the Sheriff. The Sheriff shows up, looks the scene over, and after about a minute in deep thought, says, "Ok, buddy, here's how it's going to go down. We'll charge the one under your car with destruction of private property; we'll charge the one in your back seat with illegal entry; and we'll charge the one out there in the field with leaving the scene of an accident.

 

By the way, I'm not a racist.

 

How can you tell if your wife is having an affair with an elephant?
You take her out for a drink, and when she sits on the bar-stool, she goes all the way to the floor.

 

This thread is perfect for racists and bigots of all kinds.
-------------------------

For covenience, simply cut and paste the following statement into your indignant reply. Feel free to vaguely refer to free speech.

• "Oh, come on now, we're not racists. If you can't laugh at this kind of stuff it's just sad!"

 

Don't worry storch---your joke is the type of joke used by non-racists to point out how bad racism is. Its like Stephen Colbert pretending to be a conservative in order to use humor to point out that fallacies of conservatism, or politics in general---which ever the case may be.

P.S. That was the power of Archie Bunker in the TV show All In The Family. If you did not live through that time, you may not understand. In the 70's they still burned crosses and had KKK meetings out in the open in parts of the south. I spent some time there when my dad was on an extended business trip for his company, moving from Colorado which was no where as prejudice as it was in the South East. I was raised to accept all people and had never seen the ugly face of racism until then---quite an education. But then along came Archie Bunker and people laughed at his jokes. But a lot of people saw the racism he made fun of in others, eventually others saw it in themselves. I think through the humor people were able to deal with the issue, and laugh at the same time. America made some big steps away from racism in the 70's. We still have a ways to go---but...

 

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer...

The Bartender says

"Ok beer you go"

:rofl: Get it?

 

This guy wakes up one morning and notices a pimple-type thing growing in the middle of his forehead. The next morning, it's a little longer, and he becomes concerned. Two days later, he realizes that the thing on his forehead is not a pimple, and so he decides to see the doctor.

After examining the thing on the guy's forehead, the doctor says, "Mr. Smith, I don't know how to tell you this, but that growth on your forehead is a penis."

After the initial shock of hearing the news, Mr. Smith asked, "Is it going to keep growing?"

"I'm afraid so," the doctor replied.

After a short pause, Mr. Smith said, "You mean I'm going to be looking at this thing for the rest of my life!?"

"Oh no," the doctor assured him. "The balls are going to be covering your eyes."

 

After a life of total abstinence, a woman decides that she wants to try drinking. So she drives to a bar, takes a seat on a stool and, not knowing anything about drinking, orders a six-pack of Bud. The bartender looks at her skeptically, but brings her the six-pack of Bud.

Again, not knowing anything about drinking, she pops the tops of all six beers at once and downs them one after the other in record time. Ten minutes later, she passes out right at the bar.

Also in the bar is a group of six guys clustered around the pool table. Upon seeing the woman pass out, they take her pants off, lay her on top of the pool table, and take turns having sex with her. When they're finished, they put her pants back on her, sit her back up on the bar stool, and go back to playing pool.

Two hours later, the woman finally wakes up, grabs her purse, and staggers out the door.

Two nights later, she goes back to the bar and again orders a six-pack of Bud. The bartender brings it to her, and once again she pops the tops of all six beers and downs them quickly. Ten minutes later, she's out like a light. The same six guys are at the pool table in the back of the bar, and they waste no time in getting her pants off her and getting her up on the pool table where they once again take turns having sex with her. Again, when they're done, they put her pants back on her and sit her back up on the barstool. An hour or so later, she wakes up and staggers out the door.

Two nights later, she goes back to the bar and orders a six-pack of Miller. The Bartender says to her, "You mean a six-pack of Bud, don't you?"

She says, "No. Bud makes my pussy hurt.

 

I went to the bank today to cash a paycheck and it was occupied by people protesting against the government

then i went to the liquor store and it was the same


then i realized it wasn't a protest...today was welfare check day

 

Why was the lepers' hockey game stopped?

There was a face off in the corner.

 

I had a brilliant idea-I changed my password to 'Incorrect'...so if I forget it my 'puta automatically reminds me what it is!

Foolproof,huh?

 

Missing Wife Found by Alaska State Troopers

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the troopers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkens said,
"Give me the bad News first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her,
and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,
"If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The trooper replied,
"We're going to pull her up again tomorrow

 

Love it!

When Mitt Romney was a youngster his sister Jane wanted more than anything to go to her senior prom, but their parents said she couldn't go unescorted and she had no date. She asked Mitt to escort her, but he was reluctant because she was his sister and people might talk. Jane explained that he would simply be her escort, not her date, and she was pretty sure that a boy she had a crush on would want to dance with her so Mitt would be free to mingle. Mitt agreed.

As it turned out, Jane danced a bit but never twice with the same boy and her crush never even noticed her. Mitt, having always been socially awkward, spent his time being a wall flower. Near the end of the evening Jane talked Mitt into dancing with her. After they returned home, Jane thanked her brother for his kindness and said that in spite of it all she'd had a nice time. Mitt, dedicated as he was to family, replied that it was his pleasure and there was nothing he wouldn't do for his dear sister. To which Jane said, "Well, shucks, Mitt, I don't really know how to say this, but you're such a dear boy... I'd always dreamed that after my senior prom my boyfriend and I would sneak away to drink champagne. Will you sneak away with me to drink some champagne?". Mitt thought about it... drinking alcohol was proscribed by the church, but it was his sister's dream and the only senior prom she was ever going to attend, so he agreed. They snuck off into the woods where Jane had stashed a bottle of cheap champagne, and because she'd forgotten about glasses they passed the bottle back and forth until it was empty.

Champagne gone and both of them feeling tipsy, Jane again thanked Mitt for making that part of her dream come true, and Mitt again replied that there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Jane blushed, and told Mitt that she'd always dreamed that after the champagne she and her boyfriend would make love. When Mitt didn't respond right away she took this to mean that he wasn't wholly opposed to the idea, so she explained that it would be just this once and she'd never tell a soul. Mitt agreed, and the two had sex.

Afterward, Jane thanked him again and told him that as strange as it was, her brother had just given her the greatest orgasm of her life. Feeling bold, having gone so far, Mitt told her, "You know, Jane, you're a much better lay than Mom".

To which Jane replied, "Why, thank you! Dad says that too".

:devil:

Heard this one 30 years ago so might have the words a bit wrong, but:

Mag, Mag, you smelly old hag
Toothless old cock sucking bitch
Before I'd climb your stinking frame
And suck your sagging tits
I'd drink a gallon of drunkard's puke
And die of the grizzly shits.

 

Ha ha!

That's brilliant!

 

I thought I was manic depressive. I cried myself to sleep every night for well over a year. . . . . .then I discovered mum had stuffed my pillow with grated onions.

 

Some couples like to pretend its rape during sex..........I like to pretend were couples durring rape