The It's just wrong joke thread

Oh,man--I don't get that one.

 

there's a product advertised incessantly here,called CILLIT_BANG!

as in 'Apply Cillit-BANG,the dirt is gone!




[I really shouldn't have bothered,on reflection. . . . .]

 

Two drunks in a bar next to each other. They've been drinking very heavily all afternoon,but they don't know each other.
Drunk A takes his hat off ,puts it on the bar and staggers back to the bathroom.
Drunk B gets sick and has to puke. He's too drunk to get up ,so he picks up drunk A's hat and pukes in it.
Drunk A comes back from the bathroom ,puts his hat on and starts to stagger out the door.
He realises somethings wrong,takes his hat off,looks in it and says-"some dirty sumbitch puked in my hat"!!
Drunk B lifts his head off the bar and says" Probly the same sumbitch that shit in my pants".

 

The North Korean government today announced Kim Jung il has entered a sleeping contest.

 

A priest and a rabbi walk through a playground. The priest looks at the children and says "How about it? Should we fuck them? The rabbi says "Out of what?"

 

Three Welsh priests, a Catholic, a Methodist and a Baptist, are taking a well-earned break and flying off for a week or Mediterranean sun.

When they are safely in the air, the Catholic turns to the others and says "Well, confession is good for the soul, so I don't mind telling you it;s very hard for me being a catholic priest, because I have this little vice you see. I really adore women in all their forms, and I just can't wait to let myself loose in those Mediterranean flesh pots ... I'm going to screw a different woman every day and every night of our holiday."

And the methodist said "well, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with a secret vice which I'm hopign to indulge on holiday. You see, I'm more than a little partial to a drop of the old drink. I can't wait to get to those bars, where I intend to get falling-down drunk in a different bar every day of our holiday."

And the baptist said "Well, that makes three of us who have a little vice to confess. Because you see I'm a terrible gossip. And I can't wait for the end of our holiday, when I shall be back in the Welsh valleys among the people we all know so well ..."

And the

 

I met a girl at the party last night-she said she'd show me a good time.


She kept her word-the moment the gig was over she did 100m in 9.21 seconds.

 

quite a "classic" in France, but you may not know that one :
What separates Man from Animal ?

the Mediterranean sea.

What's the difference between a black man and a tyre ?

When you put chains on a tyre, it doesn't sing blues

What's the difference between a bottle of wine and Marc Dutroux's (*) victims ?

9years old, of which 6 spent in the cellar.

(* Marc Dutroux was a Belgian pedophile who kept children in his cellar and raped them for years)

 

I guess that last one probably makes more sense in the original French, syd :mickey:

 

When did A. Hitler actually cried ?


The day he received his gas bill

 

Hitler wasn't ALL bad.


After all-he DID kill Hitler........

 

Are you sure?

I think Eva did it ...

 

If she did it was likely;

"I've had enough,Adolph-I'm goink to shoot meinself. . . . . . .oops"

 

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.

 

A little girl wet herself in class and started to cry.

The teacher siad "Why didn't you put your hand up?"

She sobbed "I did ... but it ran through my fingers"


(Don't blame me for that one ... I first saw it in a university rag mag some time in the mid 1980s ...)

 

What do you call someone who only eats pussy?

A vagatarian.

 

Ok- a bit out of character for me- but>>>
-------------------

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".

to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"

"Did you get a blow job?"

"Naw, I couldnt find her head"

 

:2thumbsup:- pretty funny * * * *

 

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

A 4 year old Boy and Girl are sitting in the bath tub together.
The little boy starts playing with his wiener.
Girl: "What are you doing?"
Boy: "Playing with this thing."
Girl: "Well what is it?"
Boy: "I don't know"
Girl: "Well can I play with it?"
Boy: "Hell no! you broke yours already!"
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What is Al Qaida's favorite football team?
-The New York Jets