The Free Hotel

Nah Death, kick those bitches right out -" you don't have to go home but you gotta get the fuck up outta here!" Honestly, i think you should have kicked them out soon as you saw them, esp the asshole scraping your bowl.

 

I've done this. I mean dude was wearing my socks. And he's a computer hoverer. Everytime I get on my computer he's right there sitting three inches from me leaning way forward squinting hard at the screen. The entire time I;m on the computer. and smoking my cigarette butts that he has taken apart and rolled up into ghetto cigarettes, which he hits twice and puts out only to hit it twice four minutes later. So there is always a smoldering twice-smoked cigartette butt just smoldering in the filters and ashes, stankin right in front of my face. I even tried losing his interest by Intentionally looking up the most stupid thing. Ive pretended to be diagraming circuits, reading the most inane news story about canned goods in some random place of uninterest. Ive even told him, Dude, I need some personal space, do you have to just stand there hovering over me? He looked at me and continued to stand there, but then after about three minutes when the video was over or whatever, he sat down. Right next to me. He pulls this plastic chair up to where it is literally TOUCHING MINE and when he sits in it he leans forward as far as possible. So when he is watching me "over my shoulder", he is really in front of me. Just fucking staring at what I am doing..

Yesterday it was from 3 to 7 am. My only time to myself after an 11 hour work day, spent smashed up against a corner by a fat homeless man who only wants to see everytning I do on the internet...

Let's just say that since nobody listens to cassette tapes anymore, the players are good for something else now. little stash spots.

I gotta smoke out of them too, so no

 

My advice would be to toss them all out or you will never get rid of them. Tell them they have one week to get their shit together and go back to wherever they came from. And be firm on the week thing maybe with daily reminders or a countdown of sorts so they know your serious. I hate people that take advantage of a persons kindness.

 

Escort fat, homeless man to closest homeless shelter with strong instructions not to follow you home. Enforce that any way you see fit. Invasion of personal space is done entirely at the risk of the invader... clearly he doesn't respect what you have said to him let alone the fact that you're providing him shelter.

 

and food. good homecooked food from my fiance.. I am sharing my fiance with him, basically.

Dude better recognize.

 

If I were you we'd be well past that and into the "get the fuck out NOW" stage. Anything short of that is just enabling it to continue.

 

Also a thought...

This is an indirect illustration of why communes generally fail. It's not in human nature these days to respect.

 

Shit your feeding him too. Toss his ass out. Last time I tried to help someone like that it caused way more trouble than its worth trying to help them out.

 

yeah, I think that's one thing that me and my fiance really have in common. We both are enablers, too. We have had 8 different Couch Monkeys in the three years we have lived in this place and are definately experienced in getting them out of the house, as weve had to kick all but two out, but that's only because they went to jail for shoplifting at walmart at 3am with their 3 year old son. So yeah, they definately know how to find us, and we definately know how to handle them, It's just a matter of initiating the overdramatic process.

 

start acting crazy around them, listen to old WW2 songs loud whilst walking around the house with a baseball bat and a pair of underwear on your head. Write down chilling thoughts of murder on post its and leave them round the house for them to find, this should solve your problem pretty fast espeacially after doing this for a couple of days then tell them that tonight your doing shrooms and the grand plan for you to become the all encompassing god is finnaly here, then walk away laughing uncontrollably.

 

It needn't be over dramatic... you've warned him. His only choice is whether or not to leave with additional bumps and bruises. Of course you could enlist the willing help of your landlord to evict people who won't leave and are not on the lease. This would sidestep and assault charges stemming from a do-it-yourself eviction.

 

go to the dollar store and buy a couple boxes of Flea bombs.. And just set them off in every room.. Fire in the hole..

They will get the hint or die, like the rest the fleas...

 

Hmm, things are worse than I thought on first reading this thread :\
How did this guy even get into your trust/house in the first place? I would not tolerate someone like that being allowed long-term on my premises.

I suggest you cut your losses and give some notice before getting rid of him.
Make sure you keep a close on what goes when he does, he sounds like the kind of guy to steal some of his host's stuff and leave his rubbish behind...

 

That sounds like fun. except I live in a duplex, and the walls are like swiss cheese, so I'm afraid it would seep next door and kill the children and animals that live there.

 

exactly. I mean he's a cool guy, just not to live with, I must say that I haven't had to wash a dish since he started crashing here.