So I grew up in a small town where you are cordial with everyone that’s around your age. So me and my boyfriend have known each other essentially our whole lives. However that is the same case for his ex girlfriend. (We’ll call her Eva) They dated a few years back. However he has a twin sister who is very close friends with the ex. So they have their own friend group and the three of them plus a few others are part of it. The problem comes when my boyfriend wants me to start hanging with his group of friends including the ex. It makes me uncomfortable not just because she’s around, but the way they interact. She always playfully hits him all the time and he just sits there and giggle. Earlier in our relationship he told me that his previous girlfriend did not want him being friends with Eva. And for a year he didn’t look Eva’s way and said it was one of the hardest things to ever do. He said that he would never treat her like this again and refused to ever stop being friends with her. About a year has passed and after covid, I’m back on my college campus where I have no friends. So I have to do things by myself such as go to a bar. At the bar I met a nice group of guys who you could tell had no types of bad intentions and helped me to skip the front of the line at the club. And immediately I told my boyfriend because I thought it was a funny story and he got angry at me asking if it’s appropriate if I’m hanging with guys. I explained to him that once I got in the bar, I hadn’t seen them again but he was still angry telling me that it doesn’t look right being with a bunch of guys. Then finally I told him that it’s weird that you are still close friends with your ex and that it doesn’t look right either. And he kept telling me that he doesn’t see her as an ex, and that they are just really good friends. So I asked him can he stop being friends with her then. And he said no, that’ll be hard. He keeps reassuring me that he only sees her as a friend but their interactions rub me the wrong way. should I leave the relationship if he continues to be friends with her.
Why should you leave the relationship ? That's like giving in. You sound quite young an perhaps you need to grow up a bit . When I say that. I say it in nicest possible way and nothing detrimental intended. At end of the day she is an Ex for a reason . You are his focus in his life now ,the one who has come from the friend zone into the relationship zone . The Ex has gone the other way .For Exs to remain friends is nothing weird . But friends is all they are . They have found mutually that they are not compatable with each other in a relationship . Therefore there is nothing for you to worry about . My partner who I have been married for 25 years now and still counting is best friends with one of my Exes . We have even been out as 2 couples . The thought has never entered into my head that I would want to go back with her as I accepted it did not work . Now you need to do the same .
I wouldn't leave for his keeping her as a friend but more for being a bit of a hypocrite and not wanting you to make any yourself.
My second wife and her first husband were still friends and had two children together and although they didn't show any signs of affection towards each other, they got along well and I thought it was cool. It's too bad more divorced or separated people can't be friendly after the breakup. I even ended up being friends with her ex husband before it was over with. . I hate when people are hateful and spiteful about their exes. Afterall they must've had some redeeming qualities or they wouldn't have been in a relationship to begin with.
