The average age when you've lost your mental innocence

I was at a bar with some good friends and this question came up and we were debating it and I wondered what your input would be.


At what age does the average person (male and female combined) lose their mental innocence about the opposite gender and also sex?


I am not talking about physical virginity or anything like that, I'm talking about that mental line where one had a crush and goes past that giddy feeling and thinking it stops there to suddenly fantasizing about them in really intense make-out sessions and sexual fantasies without shame.

We all agreed that the sexual desires and fantasies start around the preteen years all the way to the early teens (9-14) being the most common. (This doesn't mean one is ready to act on fantasies in real life, but the idea of imagining oneself doing those things in fantasy does not disgust you)

What are your thoughts guys?

 

10.5

 

I'm sure very individual is different, but it's a valid question.

personallly, I'm sure at puberty I still believed in "Happy Ever after" and that love was everything.
Yes, I knew vaguely about the mechanics of sex, but that had no bearing on my concept of falling in love.

probably my innocence was shattered around age 15 at a particular party (the first real party I'd been to - ie with booze!!) when i realized that the boy kissing me was doing it solely so he could put his hand inside my bra.
he didn't get there, but that was when I passed the age of mental innocence.

 

How old was the boy in that instance you described above?

I wonder if boys or girls show a different average of that dynamic growing up...like the average age when one crosses that line of understanding.

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Growing up I knew that certain physical acts like kissing and hugging were meant to convey the emotion love, as were the signature type icons like hearts and flowers and stuff. (Which confused me on valentine's day in elementary school, why I was giving heart shaped stuff to classmates I didn't particularly like, I thought it was a pointless holiday, but stayed silent since I also got sweets in return).

But I always knew what the feelings of a "crush" meant without ever being told, and I am not sure every person knows what those feelings are instinctively; do they?


I was around 9 when I learned in theory what was involved in the mechanics of sex, so in that sense I was mentally innocent until then, because in the months that followed, I was told and explained the concept of people manipulating other people, and how that dynamic is played out and causes all the drama that kids witnessed among teens and adults.


I think it's also important to note that I never went through a stage where I believed in "cooties", and was never adverse to kissing, I was just very selective on who I was willing to kiss because I believed it carries a message of how you feel about another person. ( I am still this way actually)

 

I lost mine around 16. Same time I lost my virginity.

I remember when I was 12 there was a 17 year old in my neighborhood who really liked me. He would come over to play pool. We kissed a few times, and he tried to talk me into giving him a blow job (took his penis out and everything) and I was really freaked out by it. He also tried to convince me into letting him perform oral sex. That, I thought, was surely the most weird and disgusting sounding thing ever. LOL.

I remember referring back to that situation in my mind for a few years. It wasn't until I was about 16 that I started to have the sexual desire in my head.

 

That guy was extremely forward...and a bit disrespectful in my opinion.
Did you know what was happening in theory at least, like did your parents tell you about oral sex so you at least knew what the guy was doing when he exposed himself like that or was that your "birds in the bees" moment from first hand experience?


Do you know what happened to him?

 

I don't know. I moved away that same year.

 

When he exposed himself, did you know what was happening in theory, or was that whole experience completely new without any prior concept of oral sex from a parental lecture or something?

 

Lol no. I had no experience or knowledge of BJ's at that point. I had no idea what was going on. I remember thinking, 'why would he want this? This is so weird.'

I mean at that point in my life (mid-late 90's) the internet was still pretty slow / unreliable. Everyone was using dial up. I had no access to porn. It wasn't "in your face" like it is nowadays. I had listened to Loveline a few times on the radio (back when it was just on an Austin radio station) and I don't recall them mentioning oral sex. Maybe they had, I just didn't recognize it lol.

None of my friends had ever discussed blow jobs. I knew about fingering though. One of my girlfriends had done it.

I mean it speaks to the true innocence I had at that point. Like I said, I reflected on it for a couple years because that was one of my only sexual experiences at that point. And I definitely remember when I lost that innocence.

 

Mmmmm, hmmm, thus is revealed the true purpose of this thread

 

Lol

 

umm, I would say I lost it right when I developed my first crush for a childhood friend that quickly ended in a heartbreak. I started watching porn not long after that.

 

I remember I babysat a little boy for a few years. He was in 2nd or 3rd grade (maybe 6-7 yrs old) when he first had an erection hugging me. He was telling me he loved me and I know it came from a sincerely innocent place. Nothing creepy or anything pedophiliac related. Which I would not ever support whatsoever. I guess that goes with child psychology. I spoke with my fiancé about this topic and asked when his first erection was, he said sometime during that age range as well. I ended up telling that boys mother, so she could have a little talk with him about strangers etc. Since I'm not a male, I can't speak to the intentions of it but I would guess males experience loss of innocence at a younger age. Just speculating here.

 

I don't know if it's weird, but I have no clue as to when I had my first erection. I just don't even recall having any physical sensations before I one day randomly ended up touching myself for the first time and quickly concluding that it feels good (as I suddenly ejaculated)

 

As a male I don't think onset of first erection is a good measure of "mental innocence" for boys.

Erections happen for purely physical reasons regardless of thoughts. Anything can cause one like a change in room temperature or an adrenaline surge from an intense workout or freak out moment.

For me I think a better measurement is when guys begin their sexual bragging, as the main indicator that they've lost their mental innocence.

 

Good to know. Will be helpful one day in the event I have boys.

I had no idea a change in room temperature could cause one.

 

So true how times have changed. I'm still not certain if its, especially the internet, has changed our world for the better or for the worst.

 

That maybe true, not saying it necessarily isnt. But to most of the females (not that any would ever admit it), all that really means is that more likely you are never going to be prepared to say out loud what was really going on in your head before 16, who it was directed at), and I think you know that.

Anyhoo, I'm not going to talk about anything sex related, as its all useless and I worked out later on that too many ( yes, females as much as males) are just get their jollies off on stories of kids doing things.

What I first thought of when I heard "mental innocence" was back when i was around 7, friend that lived over the fence behind us, she had an older sister, weird emo type, parents worked odd hours, that older sister would watch stuff like I spit on your grave (original, not remake), The Exorcist, Cannibal Apocalyspe. I saw those movies too young, especially The Exorcist, that movie scared the crap out of me for years after that, that was an end to innocence

 

Yeah those kind of movies will traumatize you if you watch them too young.

I guess there are two kinds of loss of innocence one is knowledge of the real way the romantic world operates and the other is the loss of the sense of safety and gaining the sense of how mortal and temporary your surroundings are.

 

Yeah thats why I was hesitant to even say anything about the babysitting experience. On the one hand I don't want to give knowledge to predators and make children more vulnerable than they already are. On the other, its helpful discussion. I took a bold move saying it.