The attachment that wont go

Discussion in 'True Love' started by 0oScarletBegoniaso0, May 30, 2006.

  1. So I'm in this relationship right now that's ridiculous. It started out perfect, we were perfect and the world seemed that way too. Nothing ever stays that way though and cracks slowly began to show. This last weekend on thursday night i witheld the family tradition of "thirsty" thursday and bought a 12 pack. I had a bad day dealing with school-crap and other things so i just wanted to get drunk and forget it. Mark, my boyfriend, insisted upon me telling him about it and why i was upset and blah blah blah. I assured him that i would be fine, that i just needed to forget about it and move on. He took it as me pushing him away and ignored me the rest of the night. I passed out and woke up with him cuddling me the next morning. I wake up usually really early, so when i did i let him sleep and went downstairs. ​
    He woke up not too much later and came down, grumbling around and being upset. I tried to talk to him about it right away but he was preoccupied so i waited. We talked about it a little while later, him screaming at me for being irresponsible and wanting to have fun. We argued back and forth until he threw a few things onto the floor. His capacity to do that frightened me to leave. I've been in abusive relationships before and could not tolerate another. ​
    After that i started to distance my emotions from him, just keeping mind to leave him arms length from my heart. We talked things out a few days ago and we were ok...not good, just not bad. I just don't know what to do. As soon as he thought things were good between us he began cooing and begging me for sex...​
    I just think thats all he really wants me for now...that he does remotely care a little for me, because he wants sexual affection from me...Also with all this talking back and forth i've realized exactly how unpractical his ways are, he tries so hard to be a guru, a healer that he denies himself of all human emotion or flaws. He claims he has no wants, no needs, he feels no pain. When all i hear from him is want want want and he cries more than I do...​
    I'm at a complete loss at what to do...help me please.​
     
  2. Capn_Danger

    Capn_Danger Member

    Tell him how you feel. If that's not working and your arguments are just ending in frustration, then one or both of you needs to learn to communicate better and maybe change your attitude. If either of you isn't willing to invest the energy and effort to change the way you're acting, then the relationship is doomed.

    From what you said, he sounds immature. Calling you irresponsible and throwing things on the floor is completely unacceptable and totally crossing the line. Relationships are a dynamic, though, and there's probably things you can learn to do differently to give arguments a greater chance of working out better. I'd say communication problems are at work here, which is usually the case. I'd advise you to go read some books about effective ways to communicate with your partner, John Gottman has some really insightful and easy to read books about that stuff.

    I'm willing to bet he isn't really mature enough for a serious relationship, though. You're 18, I say dump him, spend a little bit of time alone till you comfy being single and then give another guy a try. Just realize that most guys your age, or even those a few years older, aren't really prepared or mature enough to be extremely intimate with someone.

    Fuck, a good number of people twice your age aren't prepared, but thats another discussion entirely [​IMG].
     
  3. dances in pajamas

    dances in pajamas strange little girl

    He definitely sounds immature. His temper would scare me too. And if he's just begging for sex now, that's crap. Don't let him use you.
     

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