that place where space means hollow

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Fierce_Flawless, May 26, 2004.

  1. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    i'm down in the city
    driving by the river
    almost hit a coyote
    square between my headlights
    he was just standing by the bridge
    looking left and looking right
    thinking the same thing i am
    where to go tonight

    and i am completely surrounded
    by half the population that couldn't care less
    and i'm wondering
    yes i'm wondering
    is there an end to this
    this vibrant urban emptiness

    i wish i could swallow
    that place where space means hollow

    i was driven out to the country
    and dropped off by a field of corn
    standing there with my suitcase
    i went back before the morning i was born
    white woman came and told me
    some black guy wanted to date her daughter
    some ****** put the moves on you she said
    and you couldn't hate him?
    you ought to

    and i'm completely surrounded
    by an entire kind of people
    who just don't care to see things clear
    which is weird
    cuz the only place i can see the stars is out here
    and i look straight up and see nothing at all
    half expecting to float away
    half expecting to fall

    i'm out in the country
    standing beneath the sky
    man drives down the road
    and offers me a ride
    half expecting to float away
    half expecting to fly
    well i don't know if acceptance is wrong
    but so far i've got one thing right
    doesn't matter what i choose to do
    i'm going nowhere tonight
  2. ravenapples

    ravenapples Member

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    You got tone like James Earl. The poem was good but where's the Punctuation. I used to think that punctuation was the death of a poem, putting chains on the bird. But when giving my poetry to people to read, I found that they didn't put emphases where I felt.
  3. spicypisces

    spicypisces Member

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    Excellent. Inspired. Vivid and structured. Not forced. You are one of those folks that makes it look easy.

    So, I have to ask - do YOU listen to Ani Difranco? If you don't - I think you should. You sound something like her. I thought of this particular song as I read your poem. (Easily downloaded if you want to hear it).

    Untouchable Face

    think i'm going for a walk now
    i feel a little unsteady
    i don't want nobody to follow me
    'cept maybe you

    i could make you happy, you know
    if you weren't already
    i could do a lot of things
    and i do

    tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you
    too bad you had to have a better half
    she's not really my type
    but i think you two are forever
    and i hate to say it but you're perfect together

    so fuck you
    and your untouchable face
    fuck you
    for existing in the first place
    and who am i
    that i should be vying for your touch
    who am i
    bet you can't even tell me that much

    2:30 in the morning
    gas tank will be empty soon
    neon sign on the horizon
    rubbing elbows with the moon
    safe haven of the sleepless
    where the deep fryer's always on
    radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

    out on the porch the fly strip is
    waving like a flag in the wind
    you know i really don't look forward
    to ever seeing you again soon.

    you'll look just like a photograph of yourself
    taken from far far away
    and i won't know what to do
    and i won't know what to say

    except fuck you...
    and your untouchable face
    fuck you
    for existing in the first place
    and who am i
    that i should be vying for your touch
    who am i
    bet you can't even tell me that much

    i see you and i'm so perplexed
    what was i thinking
    what will i think of next
    where can i hide
    in the back room there's a lamp
    that hangs over the pool table
    and when the fan is on it swings
    gently side to side
    there's a changing constellation
    of balls as we are playing
    i see orion and say nothing
    the only thing i can think of saying

    is fuck you...
  4. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

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    I think it was a bit long, but I love it anyway. I love vbrant urban emptiness, well I don't love it at all, but I like your expression of it!

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