i'm down in the city driving by the river almost hit a coyote square between my headlights he was just standing by the bridge looking left and looking right thinking the same thing i am where to go tonight and i am completely surrounded by half the population that couldn't care less and i'm wondering yes i'm wondering is there an end to this this vibrant urban emptiness i wish i could swallow that place where space means hollow i was driven out to the country and dropped off by a field of corn standing there with my suitcase i went back before the morning i was born white woman came and told me some black guy wanted to date her daughter some ****** put the moves on you she said and you couldn't hate him? you ought to and i'm completely surrounded by an entire kind of people who just don't care to see things clear which is weird cuz the only place i can see the stars is out here and i look straight up and see nothing at all half expecting to float away half expecting to fall i'm out in the country standing beneath the sky man drives down the road and offers me a ride half expecting to float away half expecting to fly well i don't know if acceptance is wrong but so far i've got one thing right doesn't matter what i choose to do i'm going nowhere tonight
You got tone like James Earl. The poem was good but where's the Punctuation. I used to think that punctuation was the death of a poem, putting chains on the bird. But when giving my poetry to people to read, I found that they didn't put emphases where I felt.
Excellent. Inspired. Vivid and structured. Not forced. You are one of those folks that makes it look easy. So, I have to ask - do YOU listen to Ani Difranco? If you don't - I think you should. You sound something like her. I thought of this particular song as I read your poem. (Easily downloaded if you want to hear it). Untouchable Face think i'm going for a walk now i feel a little unsteady i don't want nobody to follow me 'cept maybe you i could make you happy, you know if you weren't already i could do a lot of things and i do tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you too bad you had to have a better half she's not really my type but i think you two are forever and i hate to say it but you're perfect together so fuck you and your untouchable face fuck you for existing in the first place and who am i that i should be vying for your touch who am i bet you can't even tell me that much 2:30 in the morning gas tank will be empty soon neon sign on the horizon rubbing elbows with the moon safe haven of the sleepless where the deep fryer's always on radio is counting down the top 20 country songs out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind you know i really don't look forward to ever seeing you again soon. you'll look just like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away and i won't know what to do and i won't know what to say except fuck you... and your untouchable face fuck you for existing in the first place and who am i that i should be vying for your touch who am i bet you can't even tell me that much i see you and i'm so perplexed what was i thinking what will i think of next where can i hide in the back room there's a lamp that hangs over the pool table and when the fan is on it swings gently side to side there's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing i see orion and say nothing the only thing i can think of saying is fuck you...
I think it was a bit long, but I love it anyway. I love vbrant urban emptiness, well I don't love it at all, but I like your expression of it!