That baldness itch you cannot scratch

I'm 19. I want to kill myself pretty much all day everyday.

I was particularly invested inhaving hair. I have/had nice long blond hair which was/is a very big part of my identity. Now I feel like I'm castrated and worthless.

I have a lot of things I'm trying to do in life, learn things, do school, etc -- but all of it seems pointless because nothing will make it so I have hair again, no matter how hard it is.

I'd much rather be 400 pounds overweight. At least then I would see hope in the future and work at it every day. I can be a very strong person, but this undermines that strength.

This summer I took minoxidil and briefly tried propecia and I got ED and irregular heartbeat, palpitations and my doctor said I had to stop or I would have a heart attack. Every year I try to earn 20,000$ treeplanting so I can get a transplant, but I always fall a bit short and never have enough money left over to do it.

I don't know what to do. I used to be very attractive and get girls and stuff but now (being 19 and super fkn horny) I haven't had sex in around a year or two -- basically since the problem started -- and I haven't had a n original thought either, because all my brian power is devoted to suicidal thoughts and I spend like 4 hours a day on baldness forums, reading clinical studies on research chemicals for hair growth and experiments with stem cells, etc. I know none of it will ever work. It's simply one of those things that's part of fate, I'm even posting this right now when I have a physics test in two hours that I should be studying for -- but I can't think about it because I just took a shower and it made me depressed. The other day I met someone and he thought I was 25 or 30 and I'm not even 20.

I basiclly don't know how to keep living because nothing I can do in life can make me happy anymore. Maybe if i had a woman who still loved me even with this disorder it would be a little better, but none of them can accept that at this age -- they just think I'm 30 and get creeped out if I talk to them. And I don't think anybody can love someone who hates himself so much anyways.

What have any of you done who've experienced this problem? Everyone says shave your head and shut up, but that hurts even more -- and I'm not shaving my head and looking like one of those assholes

I can't even trip anymore because I just end up in a psychosis sitting in the corner looking at the hhairs on my shoulders and rocking back and forth

 

Well, not to be a debbie downer, but...

People have sex who have no hair or their hair is receding rapidly... no sex has nothing to do with not having hair or losing it.

Taking drugs rots your brain, especially the type of drugs I know you take.

You are not that good looking. Not being good looking does not stop people from having sex.

The issues you say you have are the worst reasons for somebody to be suicidal - infact you make a mockery of genuine concerns people have and of those pushed to suicidal tendencies...

Get over yourself already...

 

If thats how you truly feel i think you need to go and get some help. Being only 19 i presume you live with your parents (apologies if i presume wrongly) if you do speak to them. If not mate go and speak to someone face to face and most of all dont be scared about doing it.

Personally though mate i shave my head and would love to be perminantley bald. Hair isnt everything and certainly doesnt make a person. You need to come to terms with your baldness and embrace it.

If i was you id probably start by stopping spending 4 hours per day on baldness forums... thats probably contributing to you feeling down. Youve even admitted that you know nothing will help bring your hair back.

Just because you dont have hair doesnt mean that people wont find you attractive. Thats the beauty if human nature... we all have different likes and dislikes. Theres someone out there for you and if you divert them 4 hours on baldness forums to looking for someone youll probably find them a lot sooner.

I know you have probably heard this before (and it used to piss me off when people said this to me but trust me on it) youre only young... so much can happen in your life and your yet to experience lots of things. There is no rush for nothing at your age and you certainly dont need to settle down (unless obviously you really want to). Enjoy yourself mate. Keep your chin up.

As for you needing a transplant... have you looked into organising charity events to make up that money?

 

It stops you from being confident enough to have sex Odon II. And what kind of drugs are you talking about that rot my brain, exactly?

When I mentioned research chemicals, I meant 5-ar inhibitors and anti hairloss drugs and the like. Not psychedelic research chemicals.

Go ahead though, what is it that you know I take that rots my brain exactly? You believe kush and psychedelics rot the brain?

And I know I'm not that good looking now, but I think that I was a couple years ago before things went downhill. I mean, Tom, this didn't start happening to you before your 20's did it? Like that is fucking YOUNG to get the bald. People get suicidal thoughts (OK I'm not actually suicidal -- I would never do that -- but I amplagued by the thoughts) for all sorts of reasons. I think this issue at this age is as valid as any other. Most of the reasons people get depressed seem neurotic to others -- and that's because they are neurotic. I know that I am not thinking straight, but I can't think of what I can possibly do to change it. And if I ever talk to anyone about it I just get these prickish responses like yours because it's an issue that (though deeply affecting people) is laughed at and joked about in society. If it didn't happen to you, you have no right to judge me for being depressed about it

 

You should probably talk to a psychologist about this dude. But, you probably already know that.

It's your fucking hair, dude. Obsessing over it like this is not at all normal, and you should talk to someone before you do something stupid.

 

Ive already talked to my shrink about it
The psychologist would say the same thing anyone on the forums or irl would say: suck it up and shut up. Except on the hairloss forums, they say: take the drugs that castrate you and shut up. But at the end of the day i cant do any of these things...

 

Hedgeclipper

I know that certain issues stop you from being confident. Hair loss being one.
But it does not have to be an issue. We make it an issue.
Other people cope quite happily.
I just think it is a bit extreme to think of suicide because you are losing your hair.
Pissed off. Angry. Etc. But, suicide?
What would you think If I said that I had spotted a grey hair and now I want to kill myself?
Just put things in a little perspective, that's all I'm trying to say.

As for looks, I'm not attractive, either... only a mother would love this face.
I think I have seen your face - so forgive me if I am working from a false premise.
It was my own personal thought - so forgive me if that came across as rude.
I'm just saying looks are not that important.
Heck, I read somewhere somebody who had no face and was loved...



'OK I'm not actually suicidal -- I would never do that '

Then, please, don't say it. It's feels like you are cheapening other peoples thoughts.
People that actually do kill themselves...
People that actually do feel suicidal - and might just do it.

The issue: you are losing your hair.

Ok, feel bad about it. But don't be too despondent. You will have sex again

 

I dont think my face is so ugly. pretty symetrical etc. It just looks ugly because it is getying taller and taller.and havibg suicidal thoughts isnt the same as being suicidal. I dont think any reason is a good reason to kil yoursrlf, so how am i taking away from the validity of other peoples reasons? This is completely ruining my life, and it shouldnt do that, so clearly something is wrong with me in tha head

And greay hairs arent the same thing. Grey hair looks pretty cool and can be dyed if anything. Baldness makes you look like an old sleazy vice principal used car salesman.

I honestly hate being this superficial. It goes against my values. I used to never think about looks. Now its all i can think about...

 

I did not say you were ugly. That's really not the point, though. Whatever you look like is not important. The mere mention of suicide with regards to hair loss kinda winds me up. But I'm not wishing to be too harsh. Just trying to put things into perspective. I'm normally a lot less judgmental. But I read your post and it got my emotions running. Sorry. If I was gaining a bald spot I might be just as upset as you are. I would hope somebody had the decency to tell me to look at it differently.

 

If your shrink said that, then get a new one. Seriously.

 

Hey Hedge~ you've heard it from the shrink and from Odon and you expect to hear it from others yet it doesn't resonate with you. Dude, 19 is way too young to be bogged down in something like this that is taking from the rest of your life.
I.E. you could take that hair transplant money you want to save up and buy a nice car. if you want to get laid by superficial girls that only care about your hair or what kind of car you drive, hell, you'll get a lot more use out of a good Mustang than you will out of some transplanted hair.
It's an inside job buddy. At 19 you haven't begun to discover how cool some chicks are when it comes to relationships and sex. Believe me, when you pay attention to really great women and what they like and are drawn to, the good ones aren't drawn to superficial qualities.
you can read endless cheerleading speeches, or you can forget about the hair and what other people think and go out there and have a good fucking time.

your choice Bud

 

@hedgeclipper.... whats all this about 'prickish responses like yours'.

Whats with the attitude dude? Where is the insult with my response? If youre going to get an attitude with what was meant as a very supportive reply from me then dont post here.

With regards to your comments about being suicidal then not being suicidal i think you need to really think about what you say before you post. By saying your suicidal then in the next breath saying you would never do such a thing really insults those who are suicidal. Suicide isnt something that you should use as a throw away comment.

As for how long ive had a shaved head for... been doing it since i was 16. If people dont like me with a shaved head its their problem. Fuck them.

 

Lets be fair, losing ones hair at 19 is emotional, but.....

 

.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7zgex1z3nE"]Jennifer Lopez & Jason Statham on 'Katie Couric Show' 25/1/13 (Part 2/3) - YouTube

It's not easy, but....

 

Kevin Smith isn't bald, but he's certainly no GQ model. Still has a super-awesome wife, cause he's fuckin hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPecc7QVzU4

 

Tom i didnt mean u

 

Apologies mate

 

what really terrifies me is all the people and the hairloss forums advocating use of drugs that chemically castrate you. It's terrifying. Theyve all got ED and gynecomastia nd some of them loose their atteaction to women but they still think everything's ok so long as the drug is growing back their hair....

It's so fucked up that the only drug that fixes the problem is a tradeoff with the only thin gI wouldn't trade...


Odon, what's with the jason stratham interview? So he's bald...? that sucks for him.

 

It sucks for him? Yes, he looks absolutely devastated...