Tell my wife or not that I am closeted bi

Discussion in 'Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, etc.' started by John72, Jun 16, 2020.

  1. John72

    John72 Newbie

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    Hello,
    I have lovely wife and kid. We are happy family but nobody suspects that I am closeted bi bottom. I mostly watch gay porn and are registered on gay dating sites. I do not feel any emotional relation with mens, and sometimes just needs mens body for pleasure. To be onest I am more attracted to dicks than to pussy. We have with wife traditoinal sex in pussy, but I mostly want to take her in ass. Couple of times I had gay sex before marriage, and now urge for it increases with the years. Should I stay in closed and find some secret gay sex partner? With years I feel more and more that I have to tell my lovely wife the truth. I do not want to hurt her at all. I can imagine what will be her feelings that masculine, strong and beloved husband in reality is bi. I hope she would undestand and accept that I am bi top but not fact that I am 100% bottom. Folks what wouls be your suggestions in my situation? Does anybody had similar situation. Very velcome would be comments from ladies.
     
  2. MusicMan321

    MusicMan321 Members

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    Hi their are probably lots of men who are in the same situation you are of being a married guy and the wife has no her hubby is bisexual into men so you like gay porn do you jo watching it?
     
  3. John72

    John72 Newbie

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    Hi, yes I watch gay porn a lot. My preferences are crossdressers, bisexual MMF threesome, faggot brainwashing, bisexual femdom, shemales and transvestites. I plan to watch MMF threesomes porn together with wife and then slowly switch to bisexual MMF. Will se what she will say about it and then will be clear how she could react on me as a bisexual husband.
     
  4. MusicMan321

    MusicMan321 Members

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    Good luck let us know how it went
     
  5. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    John, this is a tough question that only you can really answer for yourself. I have been where you are and I did chose to tell my wife and my family, but it did change everything for me. I am OK and I do not regret my decision to tell her. I can only advise you to think about this thoroughly before you decide to tell her. You must look at the reasons you want to be honest with her about your orientation and you need to think of the worst possible outcome from telling her - and decide if you handle that outcome.
    For me, it was a matter of my own mental health and well-being. I needed to be honest with myself, and since she was my closest confident, it was necessary for me to know she understood, and I needed to know if she would support me or reject me. And, I knew determined that it was necessary for me even if the worst possible thing happened as a result.
    Don't kid yourself into thinking it will be easy. Don't kid yourself that if you get involved with a man that you can justify that or that she will be OK with you going outside your marriage for sex. I justified my secret sexual activities, thinking to myself that because it was with a man, and because our sex life had ended, I was justified. She didn't feel that way.
    As far as you being a bottom. I don't think it is anyone's business to know what you prefer sexually with your male partner. So, that part is something I don't discuss with my wife or my adult children.
    I would also say to you - that it is OK if you decide to remain in the closet and proceed with sexual encounters with men - but, again, you need to be sure you can handle that emotionally and physically, too. There are things that can happen - you need to be safe and protected.

    Best Wishes to you. Guard your heart and be well prepared before you take this leap, with whatever you decide.
     
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  6. John72

    John72 Newbie

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    Hi, at the moment my wife is very tired at the work and looking after our son. He feels exausted and even our sex live is not the priority now. Due to this I decided not to start discussion about my bisexuality, I see I have to postpone it for some time. My wifes atraction to sex is decreased. She says this is due to comming menopause and reduced estrogen hormone. I feel that she is happy when I am not asking for intimacy. For me it is opposite, my sexual drive has increased significantly and I admitted myself that I am at least bisexual and want gay sex very much. I just wonder that I need just man's body, but can not imagine to be in some romantic homosexual realtionship, I am interested only in sex, but not in any emotional or mental link with other man. Sometimes my wife also looks at women, how they look like, how big is butt etc. My hope is maybe she also has some bisexual side of herself. To gay peaple she is more or less ok, somday she said that you can never know when somebody will come out. She also knows more about me who is gay from our piliticians and famous peaple. She also suspects our neighbour that he possible is gay and should have friend. So I hope my come out will not lead to spontanous end of our marriage.
     
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  7. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    Alright, John - then, I would recommend you stay the course - and keep in mind that due to her state of being tired, caring for your child, working, and also losing interest in sex - that you be very good and attentive to her - love her for all she is worth - and keep your attractions to men to yourself for the time being. I would suggest you be open to your views on LGBTQ people - open and supportive of then, as a friend. It is so common for men's sexual desires to increase and a woman's to decrease - we are just made differently. As far as being honest with her.... it is OK to be honest, but you have to be ready for the fallout. Sometimes, if you love someone, you just have to be dishonest. I know a lot of people disagree with me on that - but I have been on both sides of the fence.
     
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  8. Hike247

    Hike247 Members

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    Talk to her about it and see what she says. It’s a scary thing trust me, but you never know the outcome. Thankfully for me my wife was accepting and understanding, even was ok with exploring after long talks about it. I wish you the best.
     
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  9. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    My wife was supportive, understanding and cared for my mental well-being when she had time to think about it, but once she also found out that I was not only attracted to men, but that I was having sex with them, she changed. She lost interest in sex long before I did, so I guess it didn't dawn on her that I might be playing around... we are still together but this year has been a challenge. We are basically living under the same roof.
     
  10. John72

    John72 Newbie

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    I have came out to may wife, it was scary and very nervous moments for me. I told her that I am bisexual, want sex with gays and had some experience many years ago. She was very supprised, shocked and could not believe that I am bisexual. We had many discussions with her about it. For me it was supprise that she even did not any suspicious that I have bisexual desires etc. For her the most important was that I did not cheated her with man. She undertand me and supported me mentally a lot. We even had couple therapy regarding my bisexuality and how to overcome it. For her it would be more easy to accept that I am gay rather than I had fall in love with another lady. As the outcome of my comming out to her is that we can freely discuss about our sexual desires, we become emotiaonally more closer, our sex life now are better, and feel mentally better regarding who I am.
     
  11. Mister Mike

    Mister Mike Members

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    what’s the specific issue she has with you having sex with men?

    Are you two going to therapy where they are teaching you to no longer be attracted to men sexually?
     
  12. loveslovely

    loveslovely Members

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    if i was the wife i would want my husband to tell me and i will also accept him and thank him for being honest to me
     
  13. Totally Yoda

    Totally Yoda Members

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    Told my wife I was bi. She doesn't care as long as I stay safe and don't do anything stupid. If any. Our relationship has actually improved a lot. She likes it because we can look at other guys together. I'll point out to her and she'll point out to me.
     
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  14. Totally Yoda

    Totally Yoda Members

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    I expected the worse. Instead. It was the opposite. I was stunned.
     
  15. Totally Yoda

    Totally Yoda Members

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    It's already been done. We share a guy ;)
     
  16. Totally Yoda

    Totally Yoda Members

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    I guess I got lucky lol.
     
  17. Daretobare

    Daretobare Member

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    Wish I could come out to my wife too
     
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  18. DaveTheBiGuy

    DaveTheBiGuy Members

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    You're very lucky to be able to look/check out other guys with your wife. I bet that's a lot of fun.
    My wife and I are both bisexual, and we have/do look at other women together.
    My wife is very hot and cold (indecisive) when it comes to my bisexuality, so I've always been discreet if and when looking at other guys
     
  19. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    That's interesting, Dave. So, have you and your wife had sexual adventures with other women? She is indecisive about your attraction to men? Does she enjoy checking out guys with you? How far have the two of you gone with others? o Just curious - because it struck me as an interesting dilemma -
     
  20. Windman

    Windman Members

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    While my wife is indifferent towards gay people in general, she definitely would not treat my own bisexuality with the same indifference. Menopause has killed our sex life and she isn’t going to have sexual feelings for me moving forward. She knows my sex drive hasn’t diminished and has stated she “doesn’t want to know” how I solve my dilemma of not getting sex at home.
    We have a loving relationship in every other regard and love each other well. And because of that I simply can’t jeopardize that by telling her I have sex with men outside of her knowledge. She would be hurt. Because I love her I keep it hidden and away from her view. The only other option for me is to become celibate which I have tried, but the urge and drive to have sex is too great and I become frustrated and resent her for it. My solution isn’t without its flaws but it’s the best compromise I can come up with given the circumstance.
     
    SteveXR, Ybcican and thepapasmurph like this.

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