Spill your guts to Honest Aunty Iago. Boyfriend dumped you for a publicity photo? Worried about the fast approaching next ice age? Socks are too tight? Just tell Iago and he'll make it all better for you.
Advice : get a job as a paperboy/girl person and be real nice to the boss of the newsagent. They might give you some tasty chocolate! Alternitively you could ram-raid Thorntons with a Ford Focus. Meh.
Advice : Watch as much mind-numbing unstimulating nerve shattering saturday night television as possible whilst rubbing salt into open cuts on your body. You will condition yourself to associate staying in on saturdays with incredible physical and mental agony, and will do anything (including sexual favours to farm animals) to avoid being stuck in on saturday. If you condition yourself well enough you might even develop a nervous twitch whenever anyone mentions dale winton or ant & dec. Ace
thanks.... Bifel that in that seson on a day, In Southwerk at the Tabard as I lay Redy to wenden on my pilgrymage To Caunterbury with ful devout corage, At nyght was come into that hostelrye Wel nyne and twenty in a compaignye Of sondry folk, by aventure yfalle In felaweshipe, and pilgrimes were they alle, That toward Caunterbury wolden ryde. GP I.20-27
I'm having trouble deciding if this life is basically meaningless and empty with nothing beyond to look forward to or whether the basic religious idea of an afterlife is correct. Any thoughts? Also, do the concepts of "right" and "wrong" actually exist or are they just human constructs? Do we in fact live in a world where nothing is actually right or wrong except for in popular opinion? Without knowing which of these (or the many other possibilities) is true, I'm having trouble figuring out how best to live my life. Should I devote my life to helping others? Should I kill myself now? Should I never work and spend my days smoking weed and watching porn? Should I go on a killing spree? Should I become a monk? And most importantly, is it bad that I want to fuck Beyonce even though I'm not really into her music?
Advice : You have many questions of a philisophical nature, you should watch copius amounts of emotive daytime talk shows until you become so opinionated that you have an answer for every single question our greatest minds thought over. Just listen to the charming views of the nice people that infest the television studios of Trisha and Montel (Not Kilroy, god bless his silken mane ) and let them seep into your morals and ethical code. You won't care about the meanings of excistance, you'll be too busy wanting to shoot all those job stealin' asylum seekers! It is not bad that you want to fuck Beyonce. That is not a problem.
