Tell a joke, read a joke

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by JoneeEarthquake, Sep 10, 2005.

  1. JoneeEarthquake

    JoneeEarthquake Member

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    heres mine

    a girl told me to come over and said, "no one was home." I went over and no one was home.

    haha now you
  2. Rigamarole

    Rigamarole Senior Member

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    A woman was in a coma. The nurse who gave her a sponge bath every day noticed that when she got around to her privates, the woman's vital signs perked up a bit.

    She got a bright idea and called up the woman's husband to say "You know, I think oral sex might just be the answer to your wife's coma." He said "Why not, let's give it a try."

    She brought him in to the hospital, closed the curtains around them then went to sit outside, all giddy at the thought of what she had just arranged. A few minutes later the man runs out panicking: "SH&*T, get a doctor, her vital signs just dropped off. She's dying!"

    "Oh my god what happened??" The nurse said, stunned.

    "I don't know, I think she choked."
  3. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Man who stand on toilet... high on pot

    What happened when the boy dropped his dad's watch in the toilet?
    He had a shitty time

    How many waffles does it take to build a doghouse?
    Alligators can't fly

    does it matter if I get offensive up in here?

    *WARNING OFFENSIVE, if you are easily offended you should not read*

    A priest introducing himself to....
    an older woman "you can call me father McCormick"
    a younger girl "you can call me Father"
    an altar boy "you can call me daddy"

    How do you starve a jew?
    put him in a circular room and tell him there is a penny in the corner

    How do you hide a dollar from a mexican?
    put it in his work boot

    What's the difference between a black man and a medium pizza?
    the pizza can feed a family of 4

    Why are Arkansas boys so confused?
    their uncles keep on askin' "who's your daddy?"
  4. blindhobosam

    blindhobosam The Legend

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    wow duck, none of those were remotely funny.
  5. HippyLandscaper

    HippyLandscaper learning a new way

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    a mn walked into a bar and said "Ow"

    I know it old, but it is still my favorite.
    How about this...

    Oh, never mind, I just realized, I don't really know any nice jokes
  6. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    for the jew one you have to be slightly anti-semite.... which I am-ish a lil'

    the Arkansas one was just thrown in so I could haev a white joke...

    and uhh... I really liked a few of them, the watch one, the priest one, and the pizza one I really like....
  7. interval_illusion

    interval_illusion Deceased

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    what is the last thing a pubic hair hears before it hits the floor?

  8. bedlam

    bedlam Senior Member

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    When Kojak was big in the '70s it was all the rage to have your head shaved, This barber in Hollywood was doing a roaring trade and one bloke after another was going in for the shaved look. It was referred to as the "telly cut" after the Kojak star Telly Sevalas.
    One day an African American was standing outside the barbers and noticed white guys going in and coming out bald, he thought this is a good look so he went in took a seat and waited. Three white guys before him went through and each paid their $5. Then the African American took the seat and was shaved clean. Admiring his new look in the mirror and proceeded to hand over his $5. The Barber looked at the note and said "sorry your Telly cut is $8. The African American looked wide eyed and said "is you some kind of racist? why is you only charge them white dudes $5?"
    To which the Barber replied "No I'm not a racist, everyone knows it cost more for a colour Telly"

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